Relations: The Podcast

 

How do you create, manage, and eventually dissolve a ‘Friends With Benefits’ situation?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• What is ‘Friends With Benefits’
• Why people become FWB
• How to ask someone to be a FWB
• Unofficial ‘Rules’ for FWB situations

Describe the problem

As the nation argues over healthcare benefits day after day, some people are extremely happy with the benefits package they’ve been presented with. Getting a great friend in the sames skin as a great lover without the requirements of a relationship is like the fountain of youth for some, and like Sophie’s Choice to others. Why would anyone agree to join a Friends With Benefits situation? Or maybe you’re asking, “Why would anyone turn one down?”

Segment #1

• What is ‘Friends With Benefits’
  • The Allegiant | The 7 Rules to Being Friends with Benefits
    • You are going to ask this man or woman bedfriend of yours if they would like to go on a date (outside of the bedroom). If they say yes, you may be on to something. If you feel like you can’t do that or they say no, you are officially in a Friends with Benefits situation, also known as FWB…The point is: there is no moving on from here. Friends with benefits are friends with benefits and nothing more no matter what mainstream media wants to tell you. You’re officially friendzoned into bonezone. Deal.
• Why people become FWB
  • JDate | Friends With Benefits: Is It Really Beneficial?
    • When you have a friend with benefits, you have someone whom you can call anytime of day; not just for a hookup, but also for companionship. You may go out with them to a movie or dinner, but you know at the end of the day, there are no pressures or expectations, and you can both go on with your lives. On one hand, it fills a void between relationships and adds that extra element of fun to an otherwise busy and stressful life, but I believe both people have to set clear expectations from the beginning, and stick to those boundaries.  For some it works; for others, it’s easier said than done.
  • The Rules Revisited | Men and “Friends With Benefits”
    • Any man who is mildly observant of the opposite sex will have a hunch in the back of his mind that this kind of relationship is bound to explode eventually. But he isn’t going to turn down all of the commitment-free sex he’ll get in the meantime just because of some “feeling.” Men don’t trust feelings the way women do. Men are hyper-rational, literal creatures. If it is called “no-strings-attached” relationship, that’s exactly how he treats it, no matter how much cuddling and hanging out is involved.

Segment #2

• How to ask someone to be a FWB
  • Buster and Nellie |
    • Do some reconnaissance work to figure out a friend’s general feelings on sexual friendships sans romance. You don’t have to randomly blurt out, “Hey, would you ever screw, say, me?” But if you find yourself talking about, say, current events, you could say something like, “Ugh, if I have to read one more article about college ‘hook-up culture’ I’m going to walk into traffic. Is it really that big a deal for people to have one-night stands, or friends with benefits?”
    • Do some reconnaissance work to figure out a friend’s general feelings on sexual friendships sans romance […] In the course of regular conversation, [you should discover] how your friend theoretically feels about a friends with benefits scenario. Now you have to add yourself to the equation.
    • The best way to make a conversation awkward is to start it by saying, “I know this is awkward, but …” Instead, clearly phrase what you want: “I wanted to ask your opinion on something. I’m not ready to be someone’s boyfriend, but I do like [sex/making out/kink/insert sexual activity here]. But I’d feel more comfortable being with a friend then with someone I met at a party or online. Would you ever want to hook-up? Yes, like that stupid f*$king Justin Timberlake movie. Only not stupid. What do you think?” And, if they feel comfortable communicating with you, they’ll tell you what they think. Or jump you.
• Unofficial ‘Rules’ for FWB situations
  • Thought Catalog | 10 Rules For Friends With Benefits
    • Pick someone you wouldn’t normally date. Okay, step one. This is important. This will ensure that you don’t accidently fall in love with him, or at least postpone it for as long as possible. May I make a suggestion? Find a bro. The more Axe body spray, the better. You probably won’t be able to talk to him about politics, but who needs Obama when you’ve got your own big O to… well, you get the idea.
  • LehMiller.com | How Do You Navigate A Friends With Benefits Relationship?
    • …you might consider is setting an “expiration date” for the “benefits.” I know this sounds incredibly unromantic—but, then again, these relationships usually aren’t intended to be romantic. By setting a time limit of a few weeks or a few months on the sexual aspect of your relationship, you can reduce the odds that unreciprocated feelings will develop before the sex ends. Of course, shutting down an opportunity for perfectly good sex may be difficult when the expiration date finally arrives. Indeed, it may require quite a bit of self-control to make a clean break, especially if you plan to transition back to “just friends.” However, you both have to be committed to the temporary nature of the relationship and be ready to move on.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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How should you approach dating a single parent?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Issues dating a single parent
• Top mistakes you can make when dating a single parent
• Tips on dating a single parent and staying respectful

Describe the problem

Scheduling issues, family emergencies, and being relegated to ‘silent sex’ else you’ll be spied by a shifty second grader whose ass should’ve been sleep an hour ago…Tyler! Ahhh, the joys of dating someone with a child. It is really as bad as Steve Harvey and Tyler Perry’s movies make it out to be? Or can you find a way to love your new partner, despite Tyler eyeballing you every chance you turn around?

Segment #1

• Issues dating a single parent
  • GoodMenProject | How to Date a Single Mom
    • My Time… Not Yours – One of the major obstacles that I’ve faced being a single mom and dating is that many guys don’t understand how much time it takes to be a parent. Now women may be lucky enough to come across a guy with a child(ren) of his own who understands this, but more often than not, many men without kids don’t understand that raising a child actually takes time. She may not be able to sit and have long, endless conversations with you while her child is awake, as her child should/will always come first. Guys also sometimes tend to get annoyed hearing a child constantly talking or asking questions in the background. She may very well miss a call or three because she’s helping her kids with their homework, or getting them ready for bed. Understand that and accept that she’s a mom first. If the woman you’re dating is an active parent (which you should hope that she is), this is just something that comes with the territory. Respect it or move on.
  • JudgyBitch.com | Dating single mothers? Just say NO! A note for all the single dudes.
    • Second, single mothers are clearly really, really [crappy] at making life decisions.  Having a child out of wedlock is pretty much the number one thing you can do to [mess] up your life.  You can pick up a heroin addiction, drop out of high school, rob a bank or decide to write the great American novel financing yourself on your credit cards. All of those things can be fixed.  You can go to rehab, get your GED, get parole, and pay off those cards.  But once you have a child, you cannot take it back.  It’s done.
  • Chef Jeff Cooked.com | Reasons to Date a Single Mom
    • They are more responsible. Single moms are one of the most responsible creatures on the planet. They will protect their kid with fierce devotion and they will take responsibility for their own actions and for their offspring’s actions. A single mom is very responsible and does not walk away from problems. You can expect a single mom to be as responsible and honest to you about everything concerning your relationship.

Segment #2

• Tips on dating a single parent
  • Every Joe.com | Tips for Dating a Single Mom
    • No Game Playing. “Texting games?! Ain’t nobody got time for that!” That’s right. Single moms are so incredibly busy and have such hectic schedules, there’s just not enough time for her to sit around and play flirtatious mind games, as is per usual with the standard dating courtship rituals of the child-less. Again, time is a limited resource, and as such, single moms just don’t have the time to dedicate to wondering where this courtship is going. The best thing to do is to be honest and upfront when dating a single mom. Tell her exactly what it is you’re looking for, whether it be something casual and lighthearted (which could be exactly something she needs/wants), or if you are potentially looking for something more serious.
  • Madame Noir | Can I Call You Step Mom? Tips For Dating A Single Parent
    • Flexibility is Vital – With time constraints and other random events that can happen, it’s important to stay flexible when you are dating a single parent. Your partner is already trying to juggle a lot of things at once, and with no one to split the responsibilities with, things can be even worse. Be flexible with your time and your schedule in hopes that your calendars will match up eat least for a couple days each week. If possible, keep your schedule as flexible and open as you can.
  • From Beauty Queen to Baby Mama | So You Wanna Date a Single Mom: 10 Tips on what ya need to do
    • DON’T think that just because we are mothers now that we are ruined women and all romance goes out the door. We still wanna be pursued, we still deserve to be pursued. Send us a sweet message. Wash our car. Open the door. Send us flowers. I don’t care what any girl says, flowers are always legit and you can’t ever be upset when receiving them… unless you are deathly allergic. In that case, send chocolate or a pack of Monster Low-Carb.
  • Dating Corners | Seven Tips for Dating a Single Parent
    • Know the boundaries. Single parents are likely to set basic boundaries with regards to their children. These boundaries can range from time devoted to children, to dietary/nutrition concerns, to when late night guests are acceptable. It will save everyone a lot of angst if you simply ask your date and openly discuss how you can help make this a positive experience for all concerned.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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How do you make new friends as an adult?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• When adults need to make new friends
• Issues with making friends as an adult
• Tips for creating new strong friendships as an adult

Describe the problem

Maybe you just moved into a new town, maybe you just broke up with your partner, who you spent every second with for the past 5 years. Either way, you need some new friends…except…you’re not 6 years old anymore. How in the hell are you supposed to walk up to a grownup and become their close friend when they probably already have all the close friends that they need?

Segment #1

• When adults need to make new friends
  • Dumb Little Man | 5 Tips to Make Friends as an Adult (by Acting Like a 5 Year Old)
    • Go to Interest Groups, Not Bars – Some kids are really active going to gymnastics, band, theater and more. Ideally, these are activities the kids enjoy. And there lies the magic. You have a group of kids, all doing something they love, together. That’s where the bonding comes. There’s seldom any shared activity or interest in a bar. The common thread in bars, if there is any, is people go there to socialize. So, the greatest “socializers” win. If you aren’t that comfortable socializing, you strike out. Instead, why not go somewhere you know the people will share your interests? For example, if you’re interested in writing, it’s a good bet members in a writer’s group will be too. So you have an instant connection with them and a built in topic to start conversations.  
• Why is it hard to make friends as an adult
  • ThoughtCatalog | So, You’re An Adult. How Do You Make Friends Now?
    • There seems to be an undercurrent of competition in so many adult relationships, a feeling that people have very much settled into their opinions and judgments about what is and is not acceptable in life and are always ready to apply it to those around them. At the end of the day, no matter how good a work friend becomes, it is very likely that the both of you will still be in direct competition — for a promotion, for social status, for a nebulous kind of “success” that all adults are after. The genuine, unabashed support that is easy to give when we’re in school becomes a liability as soon as you are a grown-up. Everyone around you is expected to be navigating life in a neat, organized, efficient little stream, and no one wants to be the one who cannot keep up.
  • The Gazette | Making friends as an adult can be a challenge
    • “It is harder as you are no longer in a situation where everyone is looking to connect with someone,” says Sarah Blake, therapist with Blake Psychotherapy & Associates in Maryland. “You are in an adult world, where people have different lives and different levels of need. Some adults are perfectly set with their immediate family at home. Some have wonderful neighbors and friends from high school and college, and do not have the time or the need for anyone else.”

 

Segment #2

• • Tips for creating new strong friendships as an adult
    • William Paid | Moving to a New City? Five Tips on How to Make Friends in a New Place
      • Explore what your neighborhood has to offer –Make it a point to introduce yourself to your neighbors. You never know when you might need their help; plus they’ll have advice on what’s worth checking out nearby. If geographically possible, stick to shopping and activities in the same general area. This way, you have more of a chance of meeting a consistent group of locals. Go for a jog, walk your dog, become a regular at the coffee shop or join the local church/synagogue/etc. The more often that you go somewhere, the more often that you will start recognizing people and vice versa.  

 

• Evolving Beings | How to Connect with Others and Make Friends

 

• • • • Take One Hour Per Week To Reach Out To People – This instant change is about taking one hour, weekly, to touch base with new and existing friends. You take one hour, and do nothing but contact people, by phone, text, an online social network, or other. This is important because your friendships weaken if you don’t nurture them from time to time. It’s also important because you have to follow up with the new people you meet; otherwise those friendships will never be created.

 

• The challenge here is that we get distracted in our busy lives and forget to contact people; then we regret it afterwards, when we do have time to socialize, but there is no one we can call, as we’ve been ignoring everyone for so long.

 

• • Life Daily | How To Make Friends When You Move To A New City
    • Extend your ideas of who your friends should be – They might not need to be exactly like you in age our outlook. Your older neighbors or colleagues could have had a really interesting life, and could share their stories and experiences if given the chance.
  • Mind Body Green | How To Make New Friends (‘Cause You Only See Your Old Ones At Weddings!)
    • Treat it like dating – After you hit on your new friend, you have to plan coffee that week, or you’ll lose momentum. The following week, I suggest doing an activity together like check-out the latest exhibit at the art museum or go for a walk through an unexplored neighborhood. Ask questions, try to be interesting and after your “date” be clear that you like them. There’s nothing better than hearing that another woman thinks you’re cool.



Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show Close

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

 

We’ll investigate how to tell that it’s time to end a relationship.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• What signs can you watch out for to know it’s time to let go?
• Tip on breaking up
• Breakup mistakes

Describe the problem

You used to be attached at the hip, now you barely notice when you accidentally bump each other while grabbing a coffee filter from the kitchen cabinet in the morning. Your relationship is stale, and something has to be done. Some people spice it up, some people start to cheat, but sometimes the only real solution is to break it off. How can you end a relationship knowing that the the person you’re breaking up with, was once your boonopolis?

Segment #1

• What signs can you watch out for to know it’s time to let go?\
  • ThoughtCatalog | 15 Signs You’re In A Dead End Relationship
    • The most appealing aspect of remaining in the relationship is the convenience. The fact that so many of your belongings are at his/her place or vice versa. You have tickets to a concert next week that you’d actually like to go to. It’s just easier to not deal with all of the circus-esque crap that a breakup brings.
    • You develop lustful eyes and find everyone else attractive. At least more attractive than your significant other. Every girl looks like Halle Berry, every guy looks like Thor – anyone is better. When your own relationship’s connection isn’t strong enough to fend of things that shouldn’t constantly be a temptation, that’s bad news.
    • The using – scratch that, even the touching of each other’s cell phones or computers is completely off limits. When they turn their phone over so the screen isn’t exposed, shield it away from your view and angrily reject a mere request to see their phone, that’s trouble. There shouldn’t be anything in there that’s that top secret.
    • Every mistake of the past is being held against you. The thing about keeping records of slip-ups and blunders is that it’s impossible to move on from history when it’s constantly being discussed. We do a lot of stupid things in life, the last thing we need is someone reminding us about each one of ‘em.

Segment #2

• Tip on breaking up
  • Quick and Dirty Tips | How to Break Up
    • Don’t Drag it Out, Don’t Negotiate – If you stay firm, do it quickly. Don’t say “Tonight I have to tell you something important” and leave them hanging all day. Tell your sweetie, framing the message in terms of yourself and your own needs. Then be willing to listen to them and give them room for their emotional reaction. Let them talk and simply listen, perhaps asking for clarification. Do empathize, but don’t back down.
  • Dr Will Constantine | Tips to a Stress Free Break-up
    • Focus on the Good of the Relationship: In a break-up, one typically focuses on what the other person did or didn’t do which resulted in the break up. However, it’s more positive if one focuses on what you’ve gained and how having this relationship with this person has helped you.
• Breakup mistakes
  • Battle of LA TOur Relationships | 10 Deadly Mistakes You Can’t Afford To Make If You Want To Get Your Ex Back
    • Venting Problems On The Internet – Venting on your social media accounts regarding your problems isn’t just embarrassing, but it is also quite dangerous as well. There are two rules you need to follow, which are to not post anything regarding your breakup drama on the Internet no matter how hurtful it may be, and to resist the urge of stalking your ex Online. De-friending or just hiding your account and statuses could help you to avoid the constant temptations to check up on them to see how they’re doing.  
  • Cambridge Day | Love life: Four mistakes to avoid in a breakup
    • But do not use an overly vague explanation such as “It’s not you, it’s me.” It sounds fake, and will make the person feel disrespected, like they are not even worth a decent explanation. Of course there are occasions we cannot 100 percent commit to a relationship, such as too much pressure or family drama, which means it you, not them. But we at least owe that person this reason.

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

 

We’ll investigate what to do when you suspect that your partner has cheated on you.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Why people cheat
• Signs that a partner is cheating
• How to confront a cheating partner

Describe the problem

There aren’t many things that hurt more than the initial feelings you have when you find out that your exclusive relationship contained at least one more person than you previously thought it did. Congratulations, you’ve been cheated on! The actions you take from this moment on literally decide if this is a teaching moment, a point of contention, or the newest crime spree story on Investigation Discovery. Let’s learn a bit more about finding, and handling, infidelity.

Segment #1

• Why people cheat
  • MSMedia | See 8 Reasons Why Men Cheat
    • Cheating men report boredom led to the affair: Some men may find the routine of a married life to be tedious and dull. These men find it easier to shift dominance or primacy to another relationship and feel the spark outside to be a thrilling option; instead of finding ways of charging their marriage. It becomes present moment for gratification versus the hard job that they will have to do in their marriage to resolve an issue. The extra-marital relationship provides them with a readymade and fresh experience, which is appealing enough to take the risk.
  • HelloBeautiful | Always A Cheater: Studies Show Women Are Cheating Now More Than Ever
    • Women have been preaching about their independence before Beyonce and her cronies decided to make an anthem about it, rocking barely-there bikinis and explaining that their mothers taught them better than bashing one another on the internet. Now, in 2013, women are boldly independent as moguls, top tier entertainers and more. We’ve proven that we have what it takes to stand strong alongside a man and now that power has translated to the bedroom.
• Signs that a partner is cheating
  • Charmingoo | 10 Signs That She Is Cheating On You: WARNING!! She Might Be Having An Affair
    • The Mysterious Friend – One telltale sign that a woman is being unfaithful is that she has a mysterious friend who slowly makes a bigger impact in her life. Whether it is a co-worker or someone that she knows from school, she may keep him a secret as well as may be hesitant to share information about him with you. It really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that something out of the norm is happening here and you should speak with your significant other about it be.
  • GreenTalentz | 7 Signs Your Man Is Cheating
    • Change in His Relationship with His Phone/Email: This is one of the surest tell-tale signs of a cheating man. If normally your man doesn’t care too much about his phone and easily leaves it within your reach, and all of a sudden, does any of the following, he’s probably up to something…
      • -puts a lock/password on it,  or
      • -starts to ensure its always in his pocket or hand
      • -sleeps with it by his bedside
      • -takes it everywhere with him, even into the shower
      • -turns it off when you’re together, claiming he doesn’t want to be bothered when he’s with you
      • -leaves the room to answer calls
      • -jumps or acts startled when you pick up the phone, even if only to hand it to him.
    • Cheating has become high tech. There’s even an app that makes pictures and texts to disappear after a certain time. Notice the new apps he is downloading on his phone.

Segment #2

• How to confront a cheating partner
  • Family Friendly Search | 4 Things You Shouldn’t Do Once You Discover Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful
    • Don’t plan a big confrontation in front of other people – When some people find out that their partner has been unfaithful they envision dramatically confronting the cheater in front of friends, family, and even co-workers.  That image may be satisfying, but the reality of the situation most likely won’t be.  There’s an old saying that relationship matters should be dealt with in private, and that saying is especially poignant when it comes to infidelity.  You don’t know how your spouse is going to react, and honestly you don’t know how you’re going to handle the confrontation.  The last thing either of your loved ones or co-workers need to see is the both of you sobbing, screaming, or airing each other’s dirty laundry.  Pick a time where you know that the two of you will have some privacy, and tell them there.
  • Daily Workhorse.com | Confronting a Cheating Spouse the Smart Way
    • Blindside him or her – For example, after you have finished dinner, say something like, “Who is that person I saw you with yesterday at (place)?” By saying this, you’re not divulging information about the sex or name of the person you saw with him or her, and you are leaving this open-ended question to get the response you’re either going to believe or not. He or she will probably be stunned and you will be able to tell plenty based on body language response.
    • Try to make your partner feel as if you know the truth before he or she comes out with it without coming out and saying it. This will drive them insane thinking they have been caught and if they have been cheating, it’s more than likely they will have no choice but to fess up. On the flip side, you never know; your partner may have a rational explanation for the series of events but always trust your gut instinct.

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

How did you catch your partner cheating?

or

What’s the worst lie you’ve ever heard somebody use to try to get out of cheating?

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

 

How to be the best wingman (or woman) for a friend in need.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• The difference between “good” and “bad” wingmanning
• Top tips to be an amazing wingman
• How women, in particular, can be better wingmen

Describe the problem

Let’s face it, the “wingman” sometimes gets a bad rep…we often think of the “Nature channel” and imagine two (creepy) wolves culling (bored) lambs from the herd. Or, you think if you have to be your friend’s wingman AGAIN, you’re in for a night of watching your friend have all the fun while you play goalie with someone you’re not interested in. But the truth is, we all need a little help and support when we’re trying to meet someone new. So what are the best ways to wingman? And how can you make sure that you’re having a great time, too?

Segment #1

• What’s the difference between GOOD and BAD Wingmanning?
  • YourTango.com | How to be a Killer Wingman (or Woman)

Distinguish “good” from “bad” with these two basics…

• • • 1. The approach. It’s hard to go up to someone you don’t know and start a conversation with him/her…and You don’t want your friend to be viewed by the object of his attention as a strange loner who comes out of nowhere and starts talking to her.

Do you have to be like Barney in How I Met Your Mother? Not at all. Sometimes you’ll be the one to start a conversation. Most often, you will simply back up your friend by providing moral support. Your strength comes from the fact that you aren’t attached to the outcome, so even if you end up looking foolish, it’s not a big deal.

• • • 2. Credibility. Face it, she’s not going to give us a phone number — at least a real one — if she doesn’t trust us. One of the easiest ways to gain credibility is to have a third-party testimonial because we tend to trust other’s opinions (think: Amazon reviews), and when you are out with your friend, you are that third party. So get ready to give some good reviews!
    • The fancy term for this is social proof. If you are hanging around your friend, you are demonstrating that he’s worth hanging around.

Beware the “oversell” though…

• • Men’s Health | How to be a Great Wingman
    • According to a new study in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, good friends will fudge the truth to protect each other. In one scenario, researchers found that when participants learned that a friend had been ripped off after buying a new car, they downplayed what the friend had paid to stop him from looking bad in front of others. And in a follow-up study, the participants lied even more when their friend was in the same room.
    • But a great wingman must know the difference between being a good friend and being a liability…“Sure, you can embellish things about your friend—like what a great guy he is—but if you lie for your friend, then he has to live up to that lie.” And that can get dicey…

(See also, why moms make bad wingmen)

Next segment, best tips for wingmen

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcaszt.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

Segment #2

• What are the best tips for wingmen?
  • AskMen.com | Top Ten: Traits of a Good Wingman
    • He understands his mission
    • If you approach two attractive women, the good wingman will give you first dibs and set about keeping the other one occupied. His interest in her is irrelevant; he’ll act like he’s interested. His skill extends beyond mere distraction; the good wingman will actually elicit and sustain the other girl’s interest while you work her friend.
    • He reads the terrain
    • The good wingman knows whether to enter the conversation to keep things moving forward or to just back off and let you do your stuff. He can also sense whether you’re barking up the right tree or just wasting time. More importantly, he’s not afraid to tell you so, potentially saving you from a night wasted on a girl who isn’t interested.
    • Your backup will adapt to every situation. He’ll know when he needs to be talkative and when he needs to keep it shut. He’ll change his colors in an instant, getting involved when appropriate and blending seamlessly into the background when not.
  • Lovesystems.com | How to be a Good Wingman
    • “Your Friend is Always the Coolest Guy in the Room”-One way women use social cues is in how you and your friends treat each other.  If you and your friends treat each other with respect, women are more likely to be attracted.  But if a woman sees you blowing off your friends to talk to her, when you’ve only known her for ten minutes, she will actually be less attracted.  This will hurt you if you want to get her to like you.
• These rules ALSO APPLY TO WOMEN WHO WING
  • The Rules Revisited | No, You Aren’t a Good Wingwoman
    • “Girls seem to think that ‘being a good wing woman’ means walking up to another girl and asking her about some article of clothing she is wearing, or where she gets her hair done, and then ‘subtly’ (and by subtly I mean abruptly) transitioning into ‘hey, you have to meet my friend Andrew.’ It’s completely transparent, makes me look like I don’t have the balls to do it myself…
    • I realize that not every girl thinks she is a “great wing woman,” but I am continually surprised at how many do…My only guess is that, being so used to a passive role in the whole “pickup” exchange, these girls believe that the opposite task is simple, and simultaneously want to exercise some kind of agency in the process for once…

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcaszt.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!



Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts
  • Be careful of the “desperate” vibe
  • Have fun, provide value, and see what you can learn from someone else (even if your friend is now making out in the corner)

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/52 and:

 

Final Question:

Tell us about a time that you got set up by a wingman, or was a great (or terrible) wingman for someone else.

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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We’re going to catch up on all of the listener questions we’ve gotten, that can’t be an entire show…this is the GrabBag!

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Should you ‘wait’ for your crush to be ready for a relationship?
• How long should you date if you have no intentions of marrying your partner?
• Should you pursue someone you’re only interested in physically?
• Should you pursue a married woman if she’s unhappy?
• Why do guys (and gals) do the ‘Slow Fade’ or sabotage their relationships instead of just breaking up?
• How much baggage is TOO much?

Segment #1

• I have known and been interested in a girl for two years, but she has been in a relationship until recently. We have been hanging out every weekend for the past couple of months. She has said she is interested and we have gotten close but she doesn’t want a relationship right now. She said she needs some time to be on her own, which I understand and respect, but do I wait or move on? I really like this girl and I think it is mutual, but I don’t want to wait around only to have it not turn into anything.
• My roommate has been dating his girlfriend for several years now, but he has admitted that he can’t picture himself getting hitched to her. Is there a point where he should reconsider his relationship, or should he just let what happens, happen?
• When your boyfriend basically becomes your best friend (aka the passion is gone) and you meet someone else who you are only interested in physically, what do you do? Make it work with your boyfriend or pursue things with the new interest, hoping it will manifest into something more?

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

Segment #2

• • I used to date this girl when we were in our early twenties. The timing was not right and I obviously had a lot to learn about my self and women. But we had a connection with each other that I have not been able to find with anyone in my late twenties. I lost track of her since a year after we ended dating she married a guy in his mid thirties. I did think anything of it until we ran into each other a month ago. She gave the biggest smile and an even bigger hug. We had that same spark when we were younger and she surprisingly whispered in my ear to call her. I got bored the other day and texted her. She told me her life was ”ok, not amazing, but ok”. I am 7 months out of a significant relationship myself where I was unhappy and can tell that she hanging onto a thread. I fear becoming a home wrecker but with how divorce is now a days, is this something I should pursue?
  • Slow Fade – People stay miserable and sabotage relationships instead of breaking up

 

• And how much baggage is too much? Do you have to always run if it shows up early or is there room for trying to be there for someone you might end up wanting to be with with for the long haul without setting an unhealthy dynamic or letting yourself be used? Can you just meet someone at a bad time in their life?

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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SEO Show Description

Oh my damn…it’s the Sexpisode.

 

Disclaimer: This episode will be discussing sexually mature topics, so if you’re listening with someone who this subject matter may not be appropriate for, please knock them unconscious for the next 45 minutes or so… Also, this show might not be safe for work.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• What happens when two friends discuss extremely sexual topics for the first time
• Answers to listener submitted sex topics like:
  • Is penis size important to women?
  • Why do men want a ‘freak in the sheets’?
  • How long is the average sex session, and does it matter if you both orgasm?
  • Why women Fake orgasms? Why can’t men tell?
  • What are your sexual boundaries?
  • Consequences of anal sex
  • Should you withholding sex to manipulate your partner?
  • …and so much more!!

Describe the problem

Conservatives say that you should abstain from sex until you’re married, and because Elijah suck at drawing parallels, we decided that we should abstain from sex topics until we reached our 50th episode. So, like that meal you just made from the random contents of your refrigerator, this show will either be totally awesome, or bring about nausea.

Segment #1

• PLEASE for the love of all that is holy, will you address issues of the centrality of the male orgasm with regard to sex, ESPECIALLY as it pertains to the ladies who are members of the 75% club (i.e., those who don’t orgasm from intercourse alone or at all). PLEASE talk about how men always think, upon learning that I am a member of the aforementioned club, that THEIR penis will be THE MAGIC PENIS that does the trick. I am not broken and I don’t need to be mansplained about it. INSTEAD, gentledudes, please just learn what works FOR ME/YOUR PARTNER and do that. This s*%& infuriates me. Also, as #1 in your category Dan Savage says, oral should come standard on all models or it gets returned to the lot.
  • Elijah – Ummmm, why should he doubt himself? Don’t put your pessimism on him, maybe you should be more optimistic and teaching so everybody can enjoy the session?
• Is penis size important to women?
  • CBSNews | http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162-57593775/
    • The average American man’s penis is 5.6 inches (14.2 centimeters) long when erect, a new survey of 1,661 men finds.
      • Elijah – No, but they want to think it is. Sometimes I think it’s a status thing with women: “I need 8 inches, not six like those average girls”.
• Why do men want a ‘freak in the sheets’?
  • Glamour.com | “What Makes a Woman a Freak in the Sheets?”
    • Above all else, the FITS is confident. No shrinking violet in the sack, she loves sex and makes no bones (heh) about it. She’s comfortable with her body, enjoys being naked, and doesn’t worry about a guy judging how she looks or smells or tastes. She has no shame or hangups about sex—she’ll talk dirty, get busy with the lights on, pleasure herself while her guy watches. She knows she’s good in bed, and loves to reaffirm it every time she gets horizontal with a guy.
      • Elijah – Also Exclusivity. I have a part of you that no one else on the planet can experience. Boss shit. Selfish shit
• How long is the average sex session, and does it matter if you both orgasm?
  • Yahoo Answers (AKA the greatest answers EVER)
    • for noobs it lasts 2 minutes to 10 minutes. I can make it last for hours… my first time was an hour and a half. haha
    • how long do girls like it? – as long as you can make it. just keep going til she wants to stop.
  • MH Lists | How Long Does Sex Last?
    • Research shows that the average man lasts about 14 minutes during intercourse, but you don’t necessarily have to go that long to satisfy her. For every 30 minutes of sex, only one-quarter to one-third of the time should be spent on actual intercourse, Cadell says. This leaves plenty of time for the other things she likes—decoupage!—and you won’t feel as if you’re being clocked.
  • Huffington Post |  How Long Does Good Sex Last?
    •  Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn’t take long to satisfy a woman in bed. A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.
    • If that sounds like good news to you, don’t cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as “too short.”

 

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

Segment #2

• Why women Fake orgasms? Why can’t men tell?
  • Alternet.org | Why Do Women Fake Orgasms?
    • Erin Cooper, a doctoral student at Temple University conducted research on women faking orgasm, which men do, too (statistics vary pretty wildly on the percentage, but whatever stats you read women’s numbers are higher) Her initial survey of 1500 women, written up by Sadie F. Dingfelder on the  American Psychological Association website said that of the conscious reasons heterosexual women fake it the most common is “altruistic deceit” – in other words, avoiding hurting the guy’s feelings.
  • YourTango | 10 Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms  
    • Everyone loves a challenge. Women get a little thrill from being able to control a guy’s gradual climb to a climax. It is a feeling of power. The challenge comes in seeing how excited you can get your guy, and how long you can prolong his orgasm. The fact that a woman can get her guy off with a fake orgasm, whenever she feels like it, can be very satisfying.
• What are your sexual boundaries?
  • XOJane | How to Set Sex Boundaries From Someone Who Knows
    • Boundaries in the bedroom might be things like “I don’t have one-night stands” or “I insist on condom use from my partner” or “Don’t touch my butthole please.” You can see how this could get important pretty fast.
  • Scarleteen.com | How do I bring up my sexual limits and boundaries?
    • Ultimately, when it comes to bringing this stuff up, you just have to walk through that door, open your mouth, and take the plunge into the conversation. I know it can feel awkward at first, but the only way it gets less awkward is by doing it. It’s okay for things in life to be awkward, by the way. Our interpersonal relationships are places where we should always be able to be learners and know we can try things out without an expectation that we or others will be an expert at everything. Talks like these between partners, friends or lovers are personal, intimate exchanges, not professional speeches we’re giving to thousands of people who paid $500 a plate to hear us talk, after all.
• Consequences of anal sex
  • Ask Men | Anal Sex Dos & Don’ts
    • Do use a lot of lube – Remember, the anus does not produce its own lubrication like the vagina does, so using plenty of silicone or water based lubricant is very important to creating a safe and comfortable experience for both of you. Some companies make lubes that they claim are designed specifically for anal penetration, but any lube will do as long as you use plenty of it. Using a thicker lube — usually silicone —will ensure that your slipperiness will not evaporate before the deed is done.
    • Do let her set the pace – Make sure you and your partner both enjoy the anal sex experience by letting her call the shots. How fast, how far and how hard are all things that should be up to her. You can’t be as rough or enthusiastic as you might be with vaginal intercourse — at least not right away. Let her get used to it by going slow, and if she says stop, stop immediately, or she may decide anal is no longer an option.
• Should you withholding sex to manipulate your partner?
  • Jezebel | Men Terribly Misguided About Why Women “Withhold Sex”
    • Because she’s pissed! – If you’ve done something that made her furious, she may not be above punishing you by keeping the one thing you really, really want out of your reach. The last thing a woman wants to do when she’s feeling any kind of negative emotion, whether it’s mad, sad, frustrated, annoyed, stressed, or worn out, is get busy between the sheets.
      • Response: I’m pretty sick of the stereotype that women can’t enjoy sex if they’re having “negative emotions” — I’ve always found sex to be great stress relief, and I think angry sex is awesome. But the best/worst thing about this paragraph is the mental image I now have of a woman keeping her vagina (the one thing you really, really want) physically out of reach, possibly by somehow holding it in the air. All that said, it’s not so unreasonable to want to work things out before [having sex]— and things that need to be worked out are not the same as “angst.”
    • She’s asserting herself! – If she’s keeping the good loving from you, it may be an attempt to assert her power over you and the relationship. If there’s one area of a relationship women think they have control over, it’s sex. She may just be doing it to show you who’s boss in bed or she may be compensating for feeling powerless in some other aspect of her life.
      • Response: Amid the obnoxiousness, however, Stefanson offers a grain of truth: “she could be avoiding sex with you because she’s not enjoying it.” Maybe when a woman doesn’t want to have sex, she’s not being crazy, manipulative, or bitchy — maybe she just doesn’t want to have sex. This simple possibility exposes the problem with the phrase “withholding sex” — it implies that sex is something a woman owes her (male) partner, and something she’ll only refuse to pay out if she wants to punish him in some way. But contrary to everything society teaches, sex is not a magic jewel that a lady keeps in her vagina until she lets a guy dig it out with his dick. It’s an act in which all participants should be willing and enthusiastic — and if they’re not, it’s time to talk

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!



Final Thoughts:

• BONUS! – Why does sex seem to ruin/complicate a good friendship?
  • Psychology Today | Sex With Friends: Are There Benefits?  
    • Are you ready for a surprise? About 76 percent of those who “went there” with a friend said the relationship got better. Better! Okay, the reality is about half of these folks started dating their friend after the fun, even though that wasn’t their original intention. But the other half kept on as friends—friends who said the quality of the friendship bond increased. That seems to challenge the treasured idea that sex outside a romantic relationship always leads to complicated emotions and destroyed relationships.
    • On the other hand, there was considerable damage to some of these friendships, and the difference appears to be related to whether men and women are clear about their intentions. For example, if you sense that sexual activity would really “mean something” to your friend, but not to you, and you go there anyway, friendship quality can take a hit.
  • ThisIsYourConscience.com | Sex Doesn’t RUIN Friendships – It Just QUICKLY Exposes The Faults In Them
    • Friends having sex will NOT ruin our friendship, it will just quickly expose an inherent fault in our friendship that we both were previously unaware of. 99% of times it’s not the SEX that makes you never want to see or hang out with that person again, it is typically because of something revolving around the entire process of creating the sexual encounter beforehand or the way the situation was terribly mishandled after the fact.
    • Sex is a friendship accelerant. It’s a physical act that makes two friends inevitably more conscious of the intricate emotional and mental make-up of their bond. Yes, you can argue that the flaws in that person can become apparent through other means, but I will argue that due to the highly intense and intimate nature of sex, you can get to know someone better through 1 night of smashing and the days after, than years of polite acquaintanceship.
    • Think about all the common sense rules and regulations that go along with friends deciding to hook up and eventually smashing:
    • – The beforehand confidentiality agreement
    • – The NO Feelings catching allowed agreement (underscored with the Stay Emotionally Stable addendum)
    • – The after-sex restatement of the prior-acknowledged confidentiality agreement
    • – The ‘Don’t Act Brand New’ statute
    • Now think about how these rules are flagrantly violated, ignored and disrespected by people you call your “friends” due to their own ignorance, stubbornness, stupidity, deceitfulness, jealousy, callousness, or any other negative characteristic that you were previously unaware of. I’m not locking you off because of the SEX [even if it’s NOT mind-blowing] but I’m locking you off because you did some STUPID -SH*T beforehand like break the confidentiality agreement and told all your friends we were gonna get it in, in which case I can’t TRUST you, and that is what killed our friendship.
• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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How do you express your opinions, cares, worries, and closest feelings with your significant other in a way that they can receive it?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• What kind of mistakes do couples make when trying to communicate?
• What are some tips for better communication between couples?

Describe the problem

Listener Request:

No matter how hot and passionate the lovin’ is…at some point you’re going to have to actually speak to your partner with real words. How do you craft your messages so that the things that are important to you make it through, and that you can receive your partners important thoughts without offending the other and damaging the relationship. Can a relationship really be ‘frictionless’ with better communication, or are we all doomed to argue, fuss, and fight with our significant other, no matter what we do?

Segment #1

• What kind of mistakes do couples make when trying to communicate?
  • YourTango.com | 3 Killer Communication Mistakes
    • You stop telling the truth. Let’s be real: Sometimes telling the truth is hard. We avoid it because we’re afraid of the response we might get or we fear being judged. We might talk ourselves out of it and push it down, telling ourselves we don’t have the time or energy to deal with it. When you avoid confrontation by the “lie of omission,” your resentment will build making you unhappy and putting a distance between you. If something is important you need to tell your partner the truth; even if your voice shakes and you’re scared. More often than not the anticipation of his reaction will be worse than the experience itself. When you withhold a truth it’s like you have a “secret” you’re keeping that can’t help but create a sense of distance and separation between you.
    • You stop being kind. This is a slippery slope that people fall into when they’re over the “honeymoon phase.” It’s rightfully said that “familiarity breeds contempt,” meaning we hurt the ones closest to us because they’re there! It’s easy to forget that your lover who you now know so well is very vulnerable and sensitive to your reactions. You might start relaxing a bit, sliding into being disrespectful and downright nasty. You think it shouldn’t be a problem because of course they know you love them. But if you’re being cruel, using words like “stupid” or “lazy,” you’ll make an imprint on that person’s heart that can’t be erased. If you belittle or berate each other you’ll develop a thick skin; it will not only protect you from hurtful words but it will keep out the love you’re longing for.
  • Barbara J Peters | 7 common Relationship Communication Mistakes and How To Avoid Them
    • Not listening to what the other person is saying
    • Formulating a response too quickly, without getting sufficient information
    • Using words that the other person does not understand
    • Showing a mad or bored tone, pitch, and facial expression
    • Displaying unfriendly body language (such as the arms folded over the chest)
    • Choosing poor timing for a serious discussion
    • Not checking whether the other person understands the message

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcaszt.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

Segment #2

• What are some tips for better communication between couples?
  • Dr. Nedd | 14 Steps Towards Better Communication in a Relationship
    • Timing – plan a special time to talk, especially if it’s about a thorny issue. Make an appointment with the person who lives in the same house and sleeps in the same bed. Keep the appointment.
    • Attitude – bring a happy, cheerful spirit to the meeting and rid yourself of any complaining, grumpy, vengeful or condemnatory demeanor.
    • Resolution – Resolve to do no harm. Ban words that hurt and use words that adorn and encourage. Accentuate the positive
    • Goal – Write down a goal for the communication. What do you want as a result of the conversation? What do you want the outcome to be? Have some goals for yourself that will help guide the session, for example, I am going to lean forward and look her in the eyes; I am going to keep my cool and lower my voice if I feel a tinge of anger.
    • No interruption – make a rule beforehand that neither of you will disturb the other while the other is talking.
    • No new issue – don’t bring up any other issue that has no direct connection to what you are discussing. Explore only one issue at a time
    • Listen more than you talk- Listen attentively, listen opportunistically, listen and ask for clarification, listen and hold back response, listen to the message behind the message.

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcaszt.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/ and:

 

Final Question:

How do you effectively communicate in your relationship?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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We’ll talk about how to spice up your relationship after the flame starts to die out.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Why does the relationship fire ‘die down”
• How do you re-ignite the flame of a mature relationship
• What are some tips to avoid losing that spark in the first place

Describe the problem

The early days are easy. You want to be around each other all the time, can’t keep your hands off one another, and shower each other with love and affection just because. Somewhere along the way, for some couples, the excitement of the relationship starts to die down and both parties kind of seem to ‘exist’ around each other instead of fully experiencing their time together. Is this just a natural part of being in a relationship, or is there really a way to keep a relationship ‘fresh’ forever, and never need to re-ignite the flame?

Segment #1

• Why does the relationship fire ‘die down”
  • LovePanky.com | 15 Reasons Why You’re Bored With Your Relationship
    • Emotional affairs. You may be having an emotional affair with a good friend or even a colleague at work, and not even know it! Do you find it easier to talk about your work or your personal problems with someone else but not with your partner? Unless you open up to your partner and communicate with them, you’d always feel disconnected and bored.
    • Better opportunities. Everywhere you look around, you see better dating potentials. You like your partner a lot, but somewhere deep inside, you feel like you’ve got the short end of the stick and deserve someone better.
    • The daily routine. Your relationship is a boring routine. It’s completely predictable, and you know exactly what you’re going to do with each other every day of the week. When love starts to get monotonous, some of us can’t help but feel stifled like we’re stuck in a locked room.
    • Communication. Do you ever get tired of trying to explain something to your partner because it takes too long to go into all the details? This is exactly how couples lose communication in a relationship. They’re too bored to talk about the little things because they feel like it’s unimportant. But in reality, it’s the little things that actually count.
    • Annoying partners. Do you find some details about your partner’s behavior annoying, be it their clumsiness or their laziness? Learn to communicate. Even the smallest issues grow out of proportion with time. It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill. Unless you confront it, it rolls all the way to the end, getting bigger with every roll.

 

CTA for list subscription:

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

Segment #2

• How do you re-ignite the flame of a mature relationship
  • EcoSalon.com | 7 Relationship Tips for Fresh Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life
    •  Get Formal
    • You might be comfortable enough with each other to lazy around all weekend in your pajamas eating ice cream out of the carton (and that kind of comfort is pure bliss), but change it up with a formal date night. Dress to the nines like you did when you were first courting. Reserve a table at that special restaurant you’ve always wanted to try. Tapas is a great cuisine choice because you share all the dishes. It’s not about sticking your face in your own plate, but talking and coming up with mutual orders to share. Plus, it won’t hurt to add a relaxing glass of wine or two.
    • Create New Memories Together – As you continue to live life side by side, don’t forget to create new memories together. Go outdoors, take a walk, swim or plan a simple getaway. Be sure not to over plan; let the enjoyment of time away do the work. Remember: The more you give, the more you receive.
• What are some tips to avoid losing that spark in the first place
  • PrettyProvidence.com | How to Ensure Your Marriage Will Get Better with Age
    • Don’t keep score. Marriage is not a game. It’s not a contest either. So why are we inclined to keep a mental tally of who is ahead? If you notice yourself checking a mental scoreboard when you do something to benefit your spouse, chances are your heart is not in the right place and you probably aren’t even noticing all the things he does for you and your family.
    • Forgive immediately. I remember one night saying something so mean to him in a hormonal frenzy and running up the stairs to our room. I am a proud person, and even though I knew even as the encounter happened that I was in the wrong, it was still hard to make myself go downstairs and apologize. I remember getting up my courage and finally going down. No sooner had a tearful “I’m sorry” escaped my lips than my husband had swept me up into his arms and told me it was okay, and how much he loved me.
    • Don’t ever talk negatively about your spouse to others, especially your parents. If you and your spouse are having an issue or disagreement (and we all face them), it should stay between you. Complaining about your spouse to your mom not only doesn’t solve anything, but is a breach of trust and sews seeds of worry and dislike of your spouse in your parents and friends. Write in a journal, talk to God, talk to your spouse, and sincerely try to deal with the issue on your own. If you still struggle, consider consulting a councilor or ecclesiastical leader. Once you’re past the problem, you will be glad you didn’t tell the whole world about it, and so will your spouse.
    • Serve your spouse. All relationships have peaks and valleys. It’s totally normal to have times that are particularly good and times when things are just static. During times when I feel static and not head over heels in love, I ask myself “what have I done for him lately?” “What am I doing to make this relationship fresh and exciting?” “What am I doing to make him love me more?” Try to do something special. Write a love note, clean his car, set up a date, or simply look into his eyes and tell him you love him so much. It’s amazing how when I change the way I treat him, it automatically changes how I feel about our relationship.
    • Set goals together. You are a team and it helps to have common goals. Talk about your hopes and dreams and then set about to work hard and realize them. As you work and sacrifice toward the same things it will bring you closer together and neither partner will feel like they are “doing it alone.”

CTA for list subscription:

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/48 and:

 

Final Question:

What’s something you’ve done in a past or present relationship to ‘spice things up’?

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

 

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