0050 – An Entire Show About Sex

SEO Show Description

Oh my damn…it’s the Sexpisode.


Disclaimer: This episode will be discussing sexually mature topics, so if you’re listening with someone who this subject matter may not be appropriate for, please knock them unconscious for the next 45 minutes or so… Also, this show might not be safe for work.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • What happens when two friends discuss extremely sexual topics for the first time
  • Answers to listener submitted sex topics like:
    • Is penis size important to women?
    • Why do men want a ‘freak in the sheets’?
    • How long is the average sex session, and does it matter if you both orgasm?
    • Why women Fake orgasms? Why can’t men tell?
    • What are your sexual boundaries?
    • Consequences of anal sex
    • Should you withholding sex to manipulate your partner?
    • …and so much more!!

Describe the problem

Conservatives say that you should abstain from sex until you’re married, and because Elijah suck at drawing parallels, we decided that we should abstain from sex topics until we reached our 50th episode. So, like that meal you just made from the random contents of your refrigerator, this show will either be totally awesome, or bring about nausea.

Segment #1

  • PLEASE for the love of all that is holy, will you address issues of the centrality of the male orgasm with regard to sex, ESPECIALLY as it pertains to the ladies who are members of the 75% club (i.e., those who don’t orgasm from intercourse alone or at all). PLEASE talk about how men always think, upon learning that I am a member of the aforementioned club, that THEIR penis will be THE MAGIC PENIS that does the trick. I am not broken and I don’t need to be mansplained about it. INSTEAD, gentledudes, please just learn what works FOR ME/YOUR PARTNER and do that. This s*%& infuriates me. Also, as #1 in your category Dan Savage says, oral should come standard on all models or it gets returned to the lot.
    • Elijah – Ummmm, why should he doubt himself? Don’t put your pessimism on him, maybe you should be more optimistic and teaching so everybody can enjoy the session?
  • Is penis size important to women?
    • CBSNews | http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162-57593775/
      • The average American man’s penis is 5.6 inches (14.2 centimeters) long when erect, a new survey of 1,661 men finds.
        • Elijah – No, but they want to think it is. Sometimes I think it’s a status thing with women: “I need 8 inches, not six like those average girls”.
  • Why do men want a ‘freak in the sheets’?
    • Glamour.com | “What Makes a Woman a Freak in the Sheets?”
      • Above all else, the FITS is confident. No shrinking violet in the sack, she loves sex and makes no bones (heh) about it. She’s comfortable with her body, enjoys being naked, and doesn’t worry about a guy judging how she looks or smells or tastes. She has no shame or hangups about sex—she’ll talk dirty, get busy with the lights on, pleasure herself while her guy watches. She knows she’s good in bed, and loves to reaffirm it every time she gets horizontal with a guy.
        • Elijah – Also Exclusivity. I have a part of you that no one else on the planet can experience. Boss shit. Selfish shit
  • How long is the average sex session, and does it matter if you both orgasm?
    • Yahoo Answers (AKA the greatest answers EVER)
      • for noobs it lasts 2 minutes to 10 minutes. I can make it last for hours… my first time was an hour and a half. haha
      • how long do girls like it? – as long as you can make it. just keep going til she wants to stop.
    • MH Lists | How Long Does Sex Last?
      • Research shows that the average man lasts about 14 minutes during intercourse, but you don’t necessarily have to go that long to satisfy her. For every 30 minutes of sex, only one-quarter to one-third of the time should be spent on actual intercourse, Cadell says. This leaves plenty of time for the other things she likes—decoupage!—and you won’t feel as if you’re being clocked.
    • Huffington Post |  How Long Does Good Sex Last?
      •  Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn’t take long to satisfy a woman in bed. A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.
      • If that sounds like good news to you, don’t cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as “too short.”


To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

Segment #2

  • Why women Fake orgasms? Why can’t men tell?
    • Alternet.org | Why Do Women Fake Orgasms?
      • Erin Cooper, a doctoral student at Temple University conducted research on women faking orgasm, which men do, too (statistics vary pretty wildly on the percentage, but whatever stats you read women’s numbers are higher) Her initial survey of 1500 women, written up by Sadie F. Dingfelder on the  American Psychological Association website said that of the conscious reasons heterosexual women fake it the most common is “altruistic deceit” – in other words, avoiding hurting the guy’s feelings.
    • YourTango | 10 Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms  
      • Everyone loves a challenge. Women get a little thrill from being able to control a guy’s gradual climb to a climax. It is a feeling of power. The challenge comes in seeing how excited you can get your guy, and how long you can prolong his orgasm. The fact that a woman can get her guy off with a fake orgasm, whenever she feels like it, can be very satisfying.
  • What are your sexual boundaries?
    • XOJane | How to Set Sex Boundaries From Someone Who Knows
      • Boundaries in the bedroom might be things like “I don’t have one-night stands” or “I insist on condom use from my partner” or “Don’t touch my butthole please.” You can see how this could get important pretty fast.
    • Scarleteen.com | How do I bring up my sexual limits and boundaries?
      • Ultimately, when it comes to bringing this stuff up, you just have to walk through that door, open your mouth, and take the plunge into the conversation. I know it can feel awkward at first, but the only way it gets less awkward is by doing it. It’s okay for things in life to be awkward, by the way. Our interpersonal relationships are places where we should always be able to be learners and know we can try things out without an expectation that we or others will be an expert at everything. Talks like these between partners, friends or lovers are personal, intimate exchanges, not professional speeches we’re giving to thousands of people who paid $500 a plate to hear us talk, after all.
  • Consequences of anal sex
    • Ask Men | Anal Sex Dos & Don’ts
      • Do use a lot of lube – Remember, the anus does not produce its own lubrication like the vagina does, so using plenty of silicone or water based lubricant is very important to creating a safe and comfortable experience for both of you. Some companies make lubes that they claim are designed specifically for anal penetration, but any lube will do as long as you use plenty of it. Using a thicker lube — usually silicone —will ensure that your slipperiness will not evaporate before the deed is done.
      • Do let her set the pace – Make sure you and your partner both enjoy the anal sex experience by letting her call the shots. How fast, how far and how hard are all things that should be up to her. You can’t be as rough or enthusiastic as you might be with vaginal intercourse — at least not right away. Let her get used to it by going slow, and if she says stop, stop immediately, or she may decide anal is no longer an option.
  • Should you withholding sex to manipulate your partner?
    • Jezebel | Men Terribly Misguided About Why Women “Withhold Sex”
      • Because she’s pissed! – If you’ve done something that made her furious, she may not be above punishing you by keeping the one thing you really, really want out of your reach. The last thing a woman wants to do when she’s feeling any kind of negative emotion, whether it’s mad, sad, frustrated, annoyed, stressed, or worn out, is get busy between the sheets.
        • Response: I’m pretty sick of the stereotype that women can’t enjoy sex if they’re having “negative emotions” — I’ve always found sex to be great stress relief, and I think angry sex is awesome. But the best/worst thing about this paragraph is the mental image I now have of a woman keeping her vagina (the one thing you really, really want) physically out of reach, possibly by somehow holding it in the air. All that said, it’s not so unreasonable to want to work things out before [having sex]— and things that need to be worked out are not the same as “angst.”
      • She’s asserting herself! – If she’s keeping the good loving from you, it may be an attempt to assert her power over you and the relationship. If there’s one area of a relationship women think they have control over, it’s sex. She may just be doing it to show you who’s boss in bed or she may be compensating for feeling powerless in some other aspect of her life.
        • Response: Amid the obnoxiousness, however, Stefanson offers a grain of truth: “she could be avoiding sex with you because she’s not enjoying it.” Maybe when a woman doesn’t want to have sex, she’s not being crazy, manipulative, or bitchy — maybe she just doesn’t want to have sex. This simple possibility exposes the problem with the phrase “withholding sex” — it implies that sex is something a woman owes her (male) partner, and something she’ll only refuse to pay out if she wants to punish him in some way. But contrary to everything society teaches, sex is not a magic jewel that a lady keeps in her vagina until she lets a guy dig it out with his dick. It’s an act in which all participants should be willing and enthusiastic — and if they’re not, it’s time to talk

To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!

Final Thoughts:

  • BONUS! – Why does sex seem to ruin/complicate a good friendship?
    • Psychology Today | Sex With Friends: Are There Benefits?  
      • Are you ready for a surprise? About 76 percent of those who “went there” with a friend said the relationship got better. Better! Okay, the reality is about half of these folks started dating their friend after the fun, even though that wasn’t their original intention. But the other half kept on as friends—friends who said the quality of the friendship bond increased. That seems to challenge the treasured idea that sex outside a romantic relationship always leads to complicated emotions and destroyed relationships.
      • On the other hand, there was considerable damage to some of these friendships, and the difference appears to be related to whether men and women are clear about their intentions. For example, if you sense that sexual activity would really “mean something” to your friend, but not to you, and you go there anyway, friendship quality can take a hit.
    • ThisIsYourConscience.com | Sex Doesn’t RUIN Friendships – It Just QUICKLY Exposes The Faults In Them
      • Friends having sex will NOT ruin our friendship, it will just quickly expose an inherent fault in our friendship that we both were previously unaware of. 99% of times it’s not the SEX that makes you never want to see or hang out with that person again, it is typically because of something revolving around the entire process of creating the sexual encounter beforehand or the way the situation was terribly mishandled after the fact.
      • Sex is a friendship accelerant. It’s a physical act that makes two friends inevitably more conscious of the intricate emotional and mental make-up of their bond. Yes, you can argue that the flaws in that person can become apparent through other means, but I will argue that due to the highly intense and intimate nature of sex, you can get to know someone better through 1 night of smashing and the days after, than years of polite acquaintanceship.
      • Think about all the common sense rules and regulations that go along with friends deciding to hook up and eventually smashing:
      • – The beforehand confidentiality agreement
      • – The NO Feelings catching allowed agreement (underscored with the Stay Emotionally Stable addendum)
      • – The after-sex restatement of the prior-acknowledged confidentiality agreement
      • – The ‘Don’t Act Brand New’ statute
      • Now think about how these rules are flagrantly violated, ignored and disrespected by people you call your “friends” due to their own ignorance, stubbornness, stupidity, deceitfulness, jealousy, callousness, or any other negative characteristic that you were previously unaware of. I’m not locking you off because of the SEX [even if it’s NOT mind-blowing] but I’m locking you off because you did some STUPID -SH*T beforehand like break the confidentiality agreement and told all your friends we were gonna get it in, in which case I can’t TRUST you, and that is what killed our friendship.
  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:


Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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