Month: July 2017

 

What should you do if your partner’s friends hate you?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• …why your partner’s friends might hate you
• what you can do if they do
• the number one tip to help rectify this uncomfortable situation

Describe the problem

… You love your boo. She is ambitious and funny. He is kind and makes you laugh like never before. But her best friend, or his poker buddies?? They’d like to see you burn in the fire of a thousand suns. So what do you do if you can’t get any love from the people who are most important to your partner? Can you save the situation, or are you doomed to a lifetime of, “No, no, I’ll stay home…you go ahead without me.” Find out next!

Segment #1

The Why…

• • 8. Confirm your suspicions (before you make yourself look like a crazy person)–Look, we all have weird personality quirks. Maybe your new boo’s bestie is just a weirdo who has a hard time relating to new people. Or maybe it’s just that he or she is a little jealous, or frankly, that they know your boonopolis has a bad habit of abandoning everyone when meeting someone as adorable as you. So before you freak out, make sure that the friend in question isn’t just having a moment.
  • 7. You’re demanding too much from your partner around his/her friends–your friends don’t like when he’s around because it seems like all you do is care that he’s comfortable. Or maybe she gets insecure around your friends, and you spend all your time reassuring her instead of focusing on the latest round of Cards Against Humanity. Either way, your friends are watching your behavior as much as his or hers, and making judgment for or against it.
  • 6. Make sure things are really “just the two of us,” –let’s face it, your boo might be sharing EVERYTHING about your relationship, the good AND the bad. Best friends are supposed to be protective, so he or she is maybe only remembering the bad stuff and painting a completely unfavorable picture of you.
  • 5. Find out if you remind him/her of someone else–You might be awesome…but you might also remind the best friend that her ex had EXACTLY THAT SAME SCARF. Again, in this case, it’s about the friend and not about you, so if you find out that you happen to have exactly the same eye color of the woman who broke his heart, let it go.

Segment #2

What to do…

• • 4. Err on the side of kindness–It’s really easy to get defensive when you find out someone doesn’t like you. But that defensiveness might actually make things worse instead of better…especially if the friend really just has his or her own issues to work through. Be polite, be pleasant, and see if the storm passes.
  • 3. Have a talk about what stays “in” or “out” of the relationship–if your partner is oversharing to friends about how you had a meltdown over something inconsequential, or how you accidentally let it slip that you thought she DID look a little silly in that outfit, you might need to have a talk about how you portray each other. Remember, friends are SUPPOSED to be protective, so they’ll build a case against you if they think you need a little protection from Captain No Filter.
  • 2. Be good to each other when you’re around your friends–nothing is a bigger turn off to the friends than watching you two bicker and fight or just generally be unkind to each other. Be loving and gracious in front of your friends, and they will likely be more loving and gracious to you.

 

Final Thoughts:

 

Number One Tip: Be honest

No need to be unkind, but if the friends are coming between you and the relationship, it’s probably time to have a heart to heart. It can be as simple as, “Hey, I’ve noticed we’ve had some tension between us, and I’d like to see what I can do to help ease that tension.” The friend then has the chance to prove or deny the tension, and maybe work to fix it.

 

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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GUEST: Dr. Hilary Brewster

RECORD TIME: 1/4/14, 10 a.m.

 

People who choose not to have children.

Guest Info
Dr. Hilary Brewster is currently an assistant professor at Marshall University. Though she teaches in the English department (and tutors math), her true passions lie in thinking and talking about sexuality and gender issues, especially with high school and college students. She is an active volunteer in her community, a doting mom to her senior citizen cat, and permanently shut down the Fallopian Freeway in 2011.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• myths and facts about people who choose not to have children
• things not to say to people who choose to remain childless
• how to approach dating when you don’t want to have children

Describe the problem

A 2010 Pew Research report showed that childlessness has risen across all racial and ethnic groups, adding up to about 1 in 5 American women who end their childbearing years maternity-free, compared with 1 in 10 in the 1970s. But even with the rise in those who choose to remain childless, there is a stigma or misunderstanding in a culture that often equates “womanhood” with “motherhood” (or even “family” with “children”). So what do you if you think you’d like to remain childfree? And how do you navigate dating if you think you don’t want to have kids?

Segment #1

Myths and Facts

• • 8.. Myth: we hate kids (a lot of CF people are teachers, etc.)
  • Reason: We realistically understand how much childrearing involves (money, time, scheduling, etc.) and are not interested because we are more interested in having time for jobs, hobbies, partners, travel, pets, etc. (though this often falls into that “career-oriented woman” fallacy)
  • 7. Myth: We had troubling childhoods and are just afraid of replicating it/being bad parents.
  • Reason: Environmental/social justice impacts (over population, increased consumerism, etc. One study  found that the carbon footprint of having a kid is 20 times worse than pretty much anything else, and using reusable diapers ain’t gonna offset it.)

Top things not to say to CF people (Hilary’s Note: called “bingos” and are probably more women specific because patriarchy and are also MY personal most annoying ones, in order.)

• • 6. You’ll change your mind. (NO ONE says this to women who DO want kids)
  • 5. It’s different when they’re yours. (NO SHIT. So is everything.)

(more of these after the break)

Segment #2

• • 4. It’s “natural.” Hilary’s note:  (Fine, but IVF isn’t, so…?)
  • 3. You just haven’t met the right guy. Hilary’s note:  (This is biological mansplaining, to say the least. Also, including TJ, the last 3 guys I’ve been with don’t want kids.)
  • 2. You’ll regret it. Hilary’s note: (People regret lots of things. LIKE HAVING KIDS, but no one is allowed to voice that opinion, despite the internet being rife with forums of regretful parents)
  • (Also annoying: you’re selfish, you won’t know real love, you won’t have a family, who will take care of you when you’re old…)

Coming up…the #1 tip for what to do if you’re childfree or thinking about being childfree and how to approach dating.

 

Final Thoughts:

 

Number One Tip: REALLY think about how you feel about dating someone who is a fence sitter or who already has kids from a previous relationship…and be honest when you’re dating.

 

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

 

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

Optional: You didn’t ask for this, but here are some terms used in the CF community

Breeder (a parent)

Fence Sitter (someone who hasn’t made up his/her mind)

Bingo (the phrases we get regularly)

Backslide (like when a parent is “ugh, Timmy pooped on me and I was late for work and Susie threw up and we were up all night. But it’s worth it!”)

Crotchgoblin and cooterfruit (among other awful terms for kids)

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Learn to enhance your online profile to find love in the new year.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• the one photo you should have as your profile picture
• the type of photo you should never use
• the one tip that even surprised Sarah

Describe the problem

So you’re already a pro at online dating. Or maybe you’re looking to do something new for 2014 and meet the love of your life. But staring at that blank (or old) profile can be intimidating. In this episode, we’ll share the 8 tips that can take your profile from boring to soaring.

Segment #1

• • 8. Re-frame your Attitude–Please, for the love of God, have fun! Sure, this is tip #8, but it’s also foundational to online dating. If you’re not having fun, don’t do it. In fact, I bet you can very quickly and easily tell which people on those sites are NOT having fun…they’re the jerks that get mad when you don’t respond right away, or the ones who put so many disqualifiers in their profile it’s almost like they DON’T want to meet anyone. Hmmm…
  • 7. Limit Your Messages and Chats–Not to be crass, but you don’t want to blow your conversation load all at once. If there’s someone who intrigues you, time to meet.
  • 6. Enhance your Photo strategy–Limit your number of photos to 4 or 5 that show the range of who you are. Show at least one of you having a BLAST doing something, and test our profile photo as a full body shot.
    • Why Full Body? From HuffPo, Top 5 Tips for Online Dating in the New Year: “Be sure that Mr. Demille’s closeup is not just of your face but your whole body. Individuals who use full body shots as their primary shots are 203 percent more likely to receive unsolicited messages and 33 percent more likely to receive responses to sent messages. “
  • 5. Do What Your Competition Isn’t…For women, that probably means you need to proactively seek out men and send out lots more messages. For men, it means you need to find a way to send more intriguing or better messages than “hey” (or winks/flirts/likes…), “you’re beautiful,” or “let’s get dinner”…all messages that have a statistically proven lower response rate.

Segment #2

 

• • 4. Show, Don’t Tell: In wordsmithing, this means that saying “you like to have fun” or that “sometimes you like to go out, but sometimes you like to stay in” isn’t, well, saying anything at all. So “show” through words (or audio or video, if the site allows) what fun means to you.
  • 3. Respond to everyone. Yes. Everyone. Even a copy+paste of “Thanks for the message, but I don’t think we’re a match. Good luck in your search!” is a polite way of letting someone off the hook, you generally won’t get one of those follow-up messages two weeks later, and, if the site tracks it, you’ll show that you’re a high responder to messages, making people more likely to message you to begin with.
  • 2. Yet another photo tip: NO SELFIES, especially if you’re a dude. Statistics show that “Men who post a selfie receive eight percent fewer unsolicited messages and 6 percent fewer response messages.” Not to mention men who have 3 or 4 or more selfies on their profiles…

 

Final Thoughts:

 

Number One Tip: Use a Call to Action. (Shout out to listener Eric!)

 

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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What do you do if you have doubts about your partner or relationship.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• why you might have doubts
• if your doubts are legitimate or not
• what to do if you have doubts that persist

Describe the problem

Things with your partner are great…except they’re not. You can’t shake the nagging feeling that this isn’t “it” or that maybe you want to move on, or that maybe you made a mistake. How do you figure out if you’re just having a “moment” or if there are real issues to address? We’ll discuss this question and more in this episode.

 

Segment #1

Why you might have doubts…

• • 8. You’re skeptical by nature–You’re pretty sure the moon landing was staged, you can’t believe she actually got THAT bag for THAT price, and you’re pretty sure that cat videos are a mild form of Big Brother mind control. Well, relax. Stop questioning so much and learn to enjoy your life a little.
  • 7. You’re recovering from another relationship/heartache/breakup–You’re still a little raw from the last time around and you’re sure–SURE–that she’ll leave in the middle of the night, too, or that he really can’t possibly like you that much.
  • 6. “It’s just not there”–This is a trap I think 30 somethings fall into a little more often than younger people, but sometimes you have doubts because you ended up dating someone you didn’t actually have strong feelings for in the beginning. He or she was great on paper, but now it’s four months in and there’s still no zing. But instead of saying, “It’s just not there,” you’re having doubts or questioning yourself. Sometimes, though, perfectly wonderful people are perfectly wonderful people…it doesn’t mean you have to date them,
  • 5. You ignored red flags in the beginning–he was rude to the waiter the first time you went out, or she was already displaying signs of massive insecurity two dates in, but you ignored it because he was cute or she made you laugh. And now those things are catching up and you’re wondering if its enough to make the relationship survive.

 

Segment #2

What to do…

• • 4. Ask the right questions–is this person helping you become a better individual? Are your doubts truly YOUR doubts, or are you buying into a standard that doesn’t really ring true for you? Are you being shallow? Are you just dating because the alternative of being alone is scary?
  • 3. Be honest–Depending on how you answered those questions, be honest with yourself. Brutally so, if necessary. Remember that no one wants to be the person who someone sticks with because being single seems awful or scary. Allow the other person the dignity of healing and moving on if you have doubts you can’t over come…and who knows, he or she might feel the same way.
  • 2. Address issues that can be changed–are your doubts triggered by things that are really all that insurmountable? Maybe you’re simply making assumptions about a behavior that only needs a simple talk and a simple tweak.

 

Final Thoughts:

 

Number One Tip: Remember, Your Partner can’t be all things to you

We are raised in a culture that shows us lots of images and stories about people “completing” each other, but let’s be honest, that’s not only completely unrealistic, it also can create a whole lot of discord for the individual and couple who tries to make their relationship the thing that meets every single one of his or her needs.

 

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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What you do when your partners parents hate you?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Why parents hate your mate
• How to deal with a dad
• Dealing with a mean mom
• Big mistakes you can make with your partners parents

Describe the problem

…In an ideal world, the love of your life, and the people who raised you should all love each other in a reflective way of how much you love them. Unfortunately, in some cases, it just doesn’t work that way. Your mom hates your new girlfriend, or your dad thinks your boyfriend just isn’t good enough for you. Why might your parents be acting this way, and what can you do to fix things? Find out, after the break.

Segment #1

• Why parents hate your mate
  • Motherboard.Vice.com | Your Parents Hate Your Boyfriend Because of Evolution
    • A team of researchers from the University of Bristol and University of Groningen suggest that conflict between parents and children over the latter’s chosen mates might be a consequence of something as seemingly far-removed as resource allocation. Noting that these sort of conflicts occur across cultures—though certainly in some more than others—they inferred that mate choice is probably evolutionarily significant and therefore a potential source of tension.
    • “In general, evolution favors parents who give more resources to daughters whose partners are less supportive,” Fawcett explained. “This opens up the parents to a sort of ‘exploitation’ by the daughters—they can afford to choose a partner who is less supportive than the parents would ideally like because their parents will pick up the slack.”
  • Crowd Theories | The Mom that Hates Your Girlfriend
    • Most moms know what it feels like to not be liked by their mother-in-laws when they were young (and even when they were just the girlfriend). But before they even knew what it was like to be a mother themselves, they couldn’t have predicted the bond they will be forming with their sons later in life, whether good or bad. They can think that they don’t baby their son(s) as much as other say they do, but really, they do, and it’s a problem that leads to not being able to let go.
• 5 reasons Why your parents hate your partner
  • They’re Intolerant
    • Maybe your parents are racist, maybe that hate your “alternative” lifestyle, or maybe they’re royalty who disapprove of you dating a street rat…if that’s the case, look in the mirror, you might be co-starring in Aladdin. If your paren’t are just plain intolerant of your partner because they suck as people, then you have to put your foot down with them, and (more importantly) have your partners back when you’re all together.

[message break]

 



Segment #2

• 4.) You paint your partner in a negative light
  • Think fast, what’s state are you in when you talk about your partner to your parents? Are you fresh off a fight? Do they only hear about your partner when you guys are loudly fighting on the phone during family dinner? Think about the picture you’re painting of your partner, because people watching from the outside will take their cues from you if they don’t know yet have an opinion of your partner.
• 3.) Your partner sucks as a person (or has in the past)
  • Is your partner abusive, physically or emotionally? Are they a freeloader who strains your budget while you struggle to make ends meet? Your parents automatically hate anything that makes life harder for the zygote they cultivated into an adult, and that’s not a character flaw.
• 2.) It’s really about you.
  • This could be interpreted a couple of ways: maybe you are the one who sucks and your parents are trying to keep your partner away from the mess that is their child. Or maybe, they just think that nobody is good enough for their baby, and that’s adorable. Even still, you should tell them to cut that shit out because it’s messing up your grown-up groove.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

 

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How do we reconnect with that old friend that we were really close with, when time and life has allowed us to drift away?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• 4 Mindsets to rekindling a friendship
• 4 Actions You can take to rekindle a friendship

Describe the problem

…In college, you two were inseparable. You told each other everything, spent every weekend together…and then one day, the friendship cooled. Maybe you just got busy, or your life circumstances changed, or maybe there was an actual rift in the friendship. Either way, you’re at the point where you’re missing that person in your life, and want to get back at least part of the friendship you had before. So how do you do it? In this episode, we’ll teach you how to rekindle that friendship you’re missing.

 

Segment #1

• 4 Mindsets to rekindling a friendship
  • Unvelope | Rekindling a Lost Relationship
  • 4.) Don’t Be Confrontational – “Why didn’t you call me?” “You fell off” “Man, what’s wrong with you?” While it was probably cool to be this abrupt when you two were extra buddy-buddy, it’s been a while, and your friend might have evolved in their life situation, andin their personality. Both of you drifted apart, and you both had the chance to avoid that. Own up to your side and don’t dump of them, or else this wont work at all.
  • 3.) Be Honest About Your Intentions and Limitations – Why do you really want to get back together? What do you really miss? More importantly, canyou really get all of that back now, in this period of your life, or are you just being nostalgic. One of the worst things you can do is live in the past and chase a collection of experiences that your life and personalities may not be able to support again. Focus on what you can do now instead.
  • 2.) Go Slow – You’re not going to go from, “What’s your husband’s name?” to sharing intimate details in just one call. Know that each contact with your old friend is an investment, just like the first time you two became friends. Also respect the fact that they might not have the same amount of time to invest as you, and that has to be ok if you really want to be friends.
  • 1.) Understand That This Will Be Hard Work – Have you ever tried to make friends as an adult? It’s hard as hell! People already have their friends that support the life that they have, so be ready to make some concessions to fit into their new life, and don’t expect them to just jump back into the “good old times”. As we get older, making friends is a skill that diminishes, so keep at it if you want it to be the best it can be.

 

Segment #2

• 4 Actions You can take to rekindle a friendship
  • 4.) Connect on a social network – Duh, Facebook? Twitter? Insta-tube their Tumblr if you need to! People are as reachable as they’ve ever been and there are plenty of entry points for you to access (heyo!). Sometimes a friend is only as close as a simple, “Hey, missed you!” message. What do you have to lose?
  • 3.) Send a Handwritten Note – If you think the internet is a fad, or are just really jealous of the penmanship of the Civil war Era, you can physically write a note in some font called “cursive” and send it via human express to your friends home. Since people only check their mailboxes once every 6 weeks now, this might take a while, but the sentiment will be appreciated.
  • 2.) Be Spontaneously Kind – We live in a world where we live past people every day, but rarely interact with many of them, long less act kind to them. Remember something that your former friend loves and do it for them out of the blue. Nothing changes the way someone feels about you than a random act of kindness, from the heart.
  • 1.) Create a New experience – Why did you two become friends in the first place? Probably because you two experienced some “firsts” together. College? New Social Club? Shared a first time in prison? Either way, if shared experiences create bonds, why not create some new bonds. While memories are nice, you can’t help but to get excited around someone when you believe that the best is yet to come.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Listener Mail!!!

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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We’ll reveal the top lies that partners tell in their relationships, and why.

Describe the problem

I’m 5 minutes away. I don’t care about looks. I love your mom! Let’s be honest, people lie to each other every day, but we still inherently believe that our partner tells us the truth more often than not. While that may be true, there are definitely some lies that EVERYONE tells their partner, and we’ll give you the top 8…right after this break.

Segment #1

1. I don’t talk about our intimate/personal life with anybody else
   • Thought Catalog | 8 Common Lies Your Partner Will Tell You
   • They’ll tell you this because they know that what’s your business should remain your business exclusively. They realize that by discussing their personal or sexual life outside of your relationship, they are ultimately also discussing yours, something that really shouldn’t be shared without consent. But it happens. It happens at a rate that you don’t even want to know about. And you’re probably guilty of it yourself. We want to gossip about the passionate night we had, and we want to talk through issues with a third party because we’re all farsighted when it comes to relationships.
2. Missed Your Call, Text, Low Battery, No Signal, etc
   • Mens Health | 5 Lies You Tell Her Every Day
   • The truth: The music was loud, you were with your buddies, and you didn’t want to duck outside to answer. What to tell her: “Live in your reality,” says Steinberg. These days, no one believes that you don’t have cell service. Also, a blatant lie is way more dangerous than just owning up to what you were actually doing, Steinberg adds. Tell her you were catching up with the guys and didn’t want to be rude. She’ll understand—after all, she does it, too.
3. I’ve Never Done That Before!
   • Very Smart Brothas | 10 Most Common Lies People Tell in A Relationship
   • Saying you’ve never done that before usually means you’ve done it before but you just like to pretend that you didn’t do it before because if folks knew how many times you really did it, they might not want you to do it to them. Or at least they’d ask for some test results first.
4. I Like Your Friends/Mom/Pet/Co-Workers
   • All Women Stalk | 7 Common Lies That Men Tell Women That We Choose to Believe  
   • This is one of the most common lies that men tell women because people very frequently do not like their partner’s friends, but don’t want to upset the peace by saying so

Segment #2

1. I’m Sorry
   • Thought Catalog | No Apology Is Better Than A Fake One
   • It’s not that a fake apology is just unsatisfying; it’s insulting. It’s saying that not only are you not going to dignify the person you wronged with an actual admission of culpability or remorse, it’s that you’re also presenting them with a facsimile of said admission that they now have to respond to as though it were real. You’re putting the ball back in their court with no actual improvement on your side.
2. He/She is just a Friend
   • Madame Noir | 9 Signs That Your Boyfriend’s Relationship With The Opposite Sex Isn’t So Innocent
   • It’s 12 a.m. and you’re lying in your man’s arms, watching a late night flick. You roll over to catch a glimpse of the audacious caller ruining you and your boo’s quiet time, and whose name do you spot on the caller ID? None other than his lady friend. If she’s calling at inappropriate times of the night, and it occurs on a regular basis, it’s safe to say that she’s looking for more than just innocent talk time.
3. Loved Sex/You Hit The Spot/I Came
   • NBC News | No lie, ladies — a quarter of guys will fake an orgasm, too
   • And the Oscar goes to … roughly one in every four guys. That’s the portion of American males who have faked an orgasm – forgoing ah-ah-ah’s for some z-z-z’s, according to several surveys.
   • “Men tend to fake for similar reasons that women fake: to help their partner’s ego, to not hurt their partner’s feelings, to end sex so that they can go to sleep or go home,”
4. Nothing’s Wrong
   • 6 Seconds |
   • The more complex and challenging a topic, the more time and space will be needed for a real answer.  If I’m going to be vulnerable enough to reveal something ugly, scary, painful, serious — or even just complicated — I’m not going to do it in a casual, hurried, public setting.  I’m not going to talk if I can tell you don’t have time.  And, if you want me to be honest about my experience, let’s go real.
     • Safety:  Start by building a trusting relationship; ask questions that are appropriate to the level of trust… or trust+1 (slightly more serious/challenging than yesterday’s question).  Make sure there’s sufficient privacy and time for the seriousness of the question.  Pull someone aside, go for a walk, sit side-by-side, make a space.
     • Speed:  More serious conversations take longer.  Find five minutes for a five-minute-level check-in.  Make an hour for a much more serious one.  If you’re in a rush, people feel that, and they’ll conform to the “I’m in a rush” signal you’re sending (or, if they don’t they might need to learn that norm…)
     • Script:  While “surface” is the starting norm, the way you respond tells the other person what to expect next.  If they perceive that you’re following a script, you send a message that this isn’t real.  If you invalidate their ideas and feelings at the outset, they “know” not to be honest.  If you push or pull, they “know” this isn’t a real dialogue.  On the other hand, if you take turns, sharing, asking, listening, recognizing, reflecting… as the dialogue flows back and forth, it also flows beyond the surface.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Sarah, share those books!

 

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

 

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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How do you ask for the number of someone that you just met? What are the top techniques, tips, and tricks?

 

Describe the problem

…It’s all going so well. You nailed the initial approach, the extended conversation, you’re having a great time and want to chat with this person again, so now what? You gotta get the number, friend. But for some reason, this part seems to be the hardest for some people. In this episode, we’ll teach you easy ways to get that number confidently.

 

Segment #1

1. Use a ‘line’ – “I lost my phone number, can I have yours”…classic. it might seem a bit weird, but some people are charmed by the use of witty one liners in certain situations. Don’t be afraid to lighten up the mood by using a bad line.
2. Send a friend to ask – In sports, you’re supposed to be able to count on your teammates, why not in real life too? Have a friend pinch hit for you and get that crucial info, there’s no shame in needing a little help, right?
3. Show, then send – “Have you seen this cool picture of…?” show them something interesting, then use the old “I’ll text it to you” trick to get their phone number on the spot.
4. Ask for something smaller – Maybe you don’t want to jump right into phone calls, let’s start with Tweets, or competing Tumblr posts, just until you get to know each other better…

Segment #2

1. Time is short – Engaged in a great conversation? The party doesn’t have to stop just because you have to go. get that number so you guys can finish this ‘appointment’ at a later time. it also gives you an easy opener when you reconnect.
2. Hand over your phone – Some people don’t get subtle hints. Simply hand them your phone on the appropriate screen and give the simple direction. You’ll be surprised at how many people enter their info…
3. Set a ‘Date’ – This was fun, let’s get together at this specific time and place to do it again. Oh, by the way, I’ll need your phone number to coordinate, right?
4. Be Direct – Nothing beats, “Can I have your phone number” for directness. There are very few ways to interpret that as anything but you’d like to chat again. Sometimes the less frills, the better.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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People like compliments, but how do you appropriately compliment someone that you just met?

Describe the problem

…She’s cute, she’s actually talking to you, and you want to say something to her that shows you’re interested. But how do you give her a genuine compliment without coming across as cheesy, insincere, or worse…creepy? In this episode, we’ll teach you how to get beyond the obvious or quick compliments to the words and phrases that she’ll remember long after that first conversation.

 

Segment #1

1. Sexual – People will tell you that there’s no place for these types of compliments in casual conversation, but you’ve got to get here eventually. Some people don’t get the gist until you explicitly tell them that you want their personal parts. Right. Now.
2. Ambiguous – Was that a compliment, or a diss? They’re not sure, and you might not be either. A double meaning can sometimes get you slapped, and sometimes get them thinking just enough to want to learn more. Proceed with caution.
3. Inappropriate compliment – This is non sexual, but still weird. They might get your point, but there’s not really a ton of great places to go after you compliment how they handled their parents funeral…
4. Good Job – Did they accomplish a goal they had been working on for a while? This compliment highlights that accomplishment and gives them the pat on the back that they might appreciate more than you think.

Segment #2

1. Envious – Some people like to be noticed for their uniqueness. Did they do something that they know others can’t? Can they do something that others can’t? Giving props for this will let them humble gloat like they always wanted to, and open them up for more conversation.
2. Brave/Tough – Did they make it through a rough situation that you can chat about. acknowledge their fight through something tough will make them more comfortable talking about tough things in the future. There’s no sense fighting so hard, if nobody acknowledges you as the winner.
3. Creative – Is something that they did, said, really unique? Did they do something in a way that you wouldn’t have thought of? Let them know that their approach to thinking is something to be admired. They may not be able to tell you how they did it, but they’ll appreciate that you like them for their actual uniqueness.
4. Show me – The best compliment you can pay to someone is to want to learn from them. Whether it’s how to make the perfect pancake, or how to fold an origami frog, allowing them to teach you something that they have mastered will give you numerous conversation opportunities. Just make it something a little harder than, tying your shoes, ok?

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

 

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

 

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS