What should you do if your partner’s friends hate you?
Teaser Bullets
by the end of this episode you’ll learn:
- …why your partner’s friends might hate you
- what you can do if they do
- the number one tip to help rectify this uncomfortable situation
Describe the problem
… You love your boo. She is ambitious and funny. He is kind and makes you laugh like never before. But her best friend, or his poker buddies?? They’d like to see you burn in the fire of a thousand suns. So what do you do if you can’t get any love from the people who are most important to your partner? Can you save the situation, or are you doomed to a lifetime of, “No, no, I’ll stay home…you go ahead without me.” Find out next!
Segment #1
The Why…
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- 8. Confirm your suspicions (before you make yourself look like a crazy person)–Look, we all have weird personality quirks. Maybe your new boo’s bestie is just a weirdo who has a hard time relating to new people. Or maybe it’s just that he or she is a little jealous, or frankly, that they know your boonopolis has a bad habit of abandoning everyone when meeting someone as adorable as you. So before you freak out, make sure that the friend in question isn’t just having a moment.
- 7. You’re demanding too much from your partner around his/her friends–your friends don’t like when he’s around because it seems like all you do is care that he’s comfortable. Or maybe she gets insecure around your friends, and you spend all your time reassuring her instead of focusing on the latest round of Cards Against Humanity. Either way, your friends are watching your behavior as much as his or hers, and making judgment for or against it.
- 6. Make sure things are really “just the two of us,” –let’s face it, your boo might be sharing EVERYTHING about your relationship, the good AND the bad. Best friends are supposed to be protective, so he or she is maybe only remembering the bad stuff and painting a completely unfavorable picture of you.
- 5. Find out if you remind him/her of someone else–You might be awesome…but you might also remind the best friend that her ex had EXACTLY THAT SAME SCARF. Again, in this case, it’s about the friend and not about you, so if you find out that you happen to have exactly the same eye color of the woman who broke his heart, let it go.
Segment #2
What to do…
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- 4. Err on the side of kindness–It’s really easy to get defensive when you find out someone doesn’t like you. But that defensiveness might actually make things worse instead of better…especially if the friend really just has his or her own issues to work through. Be polite, be pleasant, and see if the storm passes.
- 3. Have a talk about what stays “in” or “out” of the relationship–if your partner is oversharing to friends about how you had a meltdown over something inconsequential, or how you accidentally let it slip that you thought she DID look a little silly in that outfit, you might need to have a talk about how you portray each other. Remember, friends are SUPPOSED to be protective, so they’ll build a case against you if they think you need a little protection from Captain No Filter.
- 2. Be good to each other when you’re around your friends–nothing is a bigger turn off to the friends than watching you two bicker and fight or just generally be unkind to each other. Be loving and gracious in front of your friends, and they will likely be more loving and gracious to you.
Final Thoughts:
Number One Tip: Be honest
No need to be unkind, but if the friends are coming between you and the relationship, it’s probably time to have a heart to heart. It can be as simple as, “Hey, I’ve noticed we’ve had some tension between us, and I’d like to see what I can do to help ease that tension.” The friend then has the chance to prove or deny the tension, and maybe work to fix it.
- Elijah’s Thoughts
- Sarah’s Thoughts
In Closing
If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!
Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.
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