0080 – 8 Lies That Everyone Tells Their Romantic Partner


We’ll reveal the top lies that partners tell in their relationships, and why.

Describe the problem

I’m 5 minutes away. I don’t care about looks. I love your mom! Let’s be honest, people lie to each other every day, but we still inherently believe that our partner tells us the truth more often than not. While that may be true, there are definitely some lies that EVERYONE tells their partner, and we’ll give you the top 8…right after this break.

Segment #1

  1. I don’t talk about our intimate/personal life with anybody else
    • Thought Catalog | 8 Common Lies Your Partner Will Tell You
    • They’ll tell you this because they know that what’s your business should remain your business exclusively. They realize that by discussing their personal or sexual life outside of your relationship, they are ultimately also discussing yours, something that really shouldn’t be shared without consent. But it happens. It happens at a rate that you don’t even want to know about. And you’re probably guilty of it yourself. We want to gossip about the passionate night we had, and we want to talk through issues with a third party because we’re all farsighted when it comes to relationships.
  2. Missed Your Call, Text, Low Battery, No Signal, etc
    • Mens Health | 5 Lies You Tell Her Every Day
    • The truth: The music was loud, you were with your buddies, and you didn’t want to duck outside to answer. What to tell her: “Live in your reality,” says Steinberg. These days, no one believes that you don’t have cell service. Also, a blatant lie is way more dangerous than just owning up to what you were actually doing, Steinberg adds. Tell her you were catching up with the guys and didn’t want to be rude. She’ll understand—after all, she does it, too.
  3. I’ve Never Done That Before!
    • Very Smart Brothas | 10 Most Common Lies People Tell in A Relationship
    • Saying you’ve never done that before usually means you’ve done it before but you just like to pretend that you didn’t do it before because if folks knew how many times you really did it, they might not want you to do it to them. Or at least they’d ask for some test results first.
  4. I Like Your Friends/Mom/Pet/Co-Workers

Segment #2

  1. I’m Sorry
    • Thought Catalog | No Apology Is Better Than A Fake One
    • It’s not that a fake apology is just unsatisfying; it’s insulting. It’s saying that not only are you not going to dignify the person you wronged with an actual admission of culpability or remorse, it’s that you’re also presenting them with a facsimile of said admission that they now have to respond to as though it were real. You’re putting the ball back in their court with no actual improvement on your side.
  2. He/She is just a Friend
    • Madame Noir | 9 Signs That Your Boyfriend’s Relationship With The Opposite Sex Isn’t So Innocent
    • It’s 12 a.m. and you’re lying in your man’s arms, watching a late night flick. You roll over to catch a glimpse of the audacious caller ruining you and your boo’s quiet time, and whose name do you spot on the caller ID? None other than his lady friend. If she’s calling at inappropriate times of the night, and it occurs on a regular basis, it’s safe to say that she’s looking for more than just innocent talk time.
  3. Loved Sex/You Hit The Spot/I Came
    • NBC News | No lie, ladies — a quarter of guys will fake an orgasm, too
    • And the Oscar goes to … roughly one in every four guys. That’s the portion of American males who have faked an orgasm – forgoing ah-ah-ah’s for some z-z-z’s, according to several surveys.
    • “Men tend to fake for similar reasons that women fake: to help their partner’s ego, to not hurt their partner’s feelings, to end sex so that they can go to sleep or go home,”
  4. Nothing’s Wrong
    • 6 Seconds |
    • The more complex and challenging a topic, the more time and space will be needed for a real answer.  If I’m going to be vulnerable enough to reveal something ugly, scary, painful, serious — or even just complicated — I’m not going to do it in a casual, hurried, public setting.  I’m not going to talk if I can tell you don’t have time.  And, if you want me to be honest about my experience, let’s go real.
      • Safety:  Start by building a trusting relationship; ask questions that are appropriate to the level of trust… or trust+1 (slightly more serious/challenging than yesterday’s question).  Make sure there’s sufficient privacy and time for the seriousness of the question.  Pull someone aside, go for a walk, sit side-by-side, make a space.
      • Speed:  More serious conversations take longer.  Find five minutes for a five-minute-level check-in.  Make an hour for a much more serious one.  If you’re in a rush, people feel that, and they’ll conform to the “I’m in a rush” signal you’re sending (or, if they don’t they might need to learn that norm…)
      • Script:  While “surface” is the starting norm, the way you respond tells the other person what to expect next.  If they perceive that you’re following a script, you send a message that this isn’t real.  If you invalidate their ideas and feelings at the outset, they “know” not to be honest.  If you push or pull, they “know” this isn’t a real dialogue.  On the other hand, if you take turns, sharing, asking, listening, recognizing, reflecting… as the dialogue flows back and forth, it also flows beyond the surface.


Final Thoughts:

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


Sarah, share those books!


In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!


Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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