0074 – Four Signs That You’re Terrible at Sex


How can you tell if you’re not the lover that you might think you are…and how can you improve?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • The Four Signs that you’re kind of terrible at sex
  • Four ways to Avoid bad sex

Describe the problem

Segment #1

  • Signs you’re bad at sex
    • All Women Stalk | 9 Signs You Might be Bad at Sex
      • You Don’t Say What You Want – Not only will this make you seem bad at sex, but it will make your partner seem bad, too. It can be really hard to just come out and say what you want, but it’s necessary. After all, how else can your partner know?
    • iVillage.ca | 14 Signs You Might Be Bad In Bed
      • You Jump Out of Bed the Second It’s Over – We know you need to clean up when the party’s, um, over, but really, don’t run right to the loo the minute the deed is done. For one thing, it’s essentially sending your man the message that you think you two just did something sort of icky. For another, guys actually like that intimate cuddle time, says Gentry, so “getting up immediately and running to the bathroom is a big buzz kill.” And don’t take offense if he drifts off to sleep — that’s just a sign he’s super-satisfied.
      • You Never Take the Lead – C’mon, you know it’s not fair to make your man do all the work! “Men often complain that their partners don’t initiate sex enough,” says Kerner. In fact, according to iVillage’s married sex survey, more than 30 percent of women say their partners initiate sex most of the time. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s important for you to be the one who gets things going sometimes. Men want to be wanted, too!
    • ShyMagazine | 9 Signs You Might be Bad at Sex
      • You’re Afraid to Try New Things – spontaneity is important in your sex life. This falls in line with going with the flow sometimes. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Sometimes being too plain vanilla makes it seem like you’re bad at sex. Besides, again, you don’t ever have to do anything you don’t like; if you try it and hate it, then so be it.


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Segment #2

  • How to improve your sex life
    • In Our Words Blog | Get in the Right Mindset: 5 Ways to Avoid Bad Sex
      • Communicate – Yes, yes, I harp on this all the time. But for a reason! We all have variations on what we like to do when we smoosh our bits together, and if you don’t develop some kind of understanding with your partner, how are you ever gonna get what you want? I have a list of things I really don’t like, and the sooner I mention that my body don’t work that way, the better for both of us. When someone tells me they really like something, I can start doing that all the time, which is fun for everyone. Beyond that, sex apparently has something to do with trust and intimacy, or at least works best when you have similar expectations of trust and intimacy levels. So if you can manage to not be in the middle of an argument with your sex partner, you’re probably gonna have nicer sex than if you both are  seething inside.
    • Intimacy In Marriage | 3 Ways to Improve Your Boring Sex Life
      • Start small – By “starting small,” what I am referring to is your affection with your clothes on.  Instead of thinking you have to instantly rejuvenate things in the bedroom, why not begin by increasing the ways you touch outside the bedroom?
    • iDiva.com | Top 6 Ways to Make Bad Sex Better & Good Sex Great
      • Let go: If and when he tries exploring unchartered territory, control the natural urge to clamp up and reject him. Instead, trust him and let yourself go. Remember, it’s all about being open-minded about what’s acceptable in the bedroom. There’s no such thing as taboo or off-limits when it comes to two consenting adults.
      • Never fake it: The moment you start the fake moaning and screaming, understand that it’s half — or even the whole — battle lost. Worse, he’ll only get the wrong signals and believe he’s doing a great job. And you’ll have no choice but to continue the vicious circle of faking it and lying about it. Ugh!

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Final Thoughts:

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


Listener Mail!!!


Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!


Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.


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