Month: July 2017

 

We’re talking about how to deal with being a ‘side chick’ or mistress with in-depth conversations on:

 

By the end of this episode:

• How to Emotionally Deal With Being the ‘Mistress’
• 10 Lies to Stop Telling Yourself

Describe the problem

Segment #1

 

How to Emotionally Deal With Being the ‘Mistress’ – YourTango

1. First of all, look at yourself in the mirror and say this as many times as you need to: “I am not a bad person.” If you tell people about your affair, you’ll get called every name in the book by your guy’s wife or girlfriend, her friends, and possibly by him. The hardest part of this whole situation won’t be the heartbreak but the judgment that others cast upon you. Nasty labels like “slut,” “skank,” and “whore” really sting, especially since I’m guessing you sincerely believed the only new label you’d be picking up would be “girlfriend.”
2. His wife or girlfriend doesn’t want, or need, to talk to you. You’ll have this black-and-white kind of notion that she absolutely must talk to you to hear the whole story. News flash: you remind Cheater’s Girlfriend of his infidelity and she does not want that rubbed in her face any more than she’d want dog poo on a silver platter. I had to have this one explained to me by a 60-something evangelical Christian lady, of all people. But after I sent my crazy email, I thought there was a slim chance the girlfriend and I would commiserate together about the lyin’ bastard. That’s what happens in the movies, doesn’t it? But my best friend’s mom set me straight that his girlfriend likely hated my guts and never wanted to see me again, ever.

The Affair Handbook

1. The life you have together will always be a secret – No matter how much you want to freely take a stroll with him in public and have him tell the world how much he loves you, it is best to accept that it may not happen. He may be more than willing to be your lover and constantly shower you with presents but he is probably never going to introduce you to his friends or have the risk of his family find out about you.

Baggage Reclaim

1. Don’t be burning up energy making empty threats. Sometimes an ultimatum is needed to bring things to a head, but if you have no intention of actually following through – you’ll look like a dipstick and then he knows that he doesn’t actually have to make a decision. An ultimatum is an ultimatum for a reason which means there should only be ONE.

Segment #2

Lies to Stop Telling Yourself

1. That you’re just in it for the sex and are, in fact, using HIM. Case in point: he treated like you shit, you didn’t leave, and now he still gets to treat you like shit, but without even having to pretend that he’s interested in treating you like a person. You’ve just made it infinitely easier for him. He doesn’t even need to continue lying to you about whether or not he’s still sleeping with his significant other. (But guess what? He is. And he never stopped.)
2. That the reason you don’t go out as much anymore — even though you want to — is because you could potentially miss a rare opportunity when he has the time to come over.
3. That he will leave or lose interest in you if you don’t do that sexual thing that he likes (that you hate… or at least don’t enjoy). Let’s face it: he probably wants to do crazier shit with you because his actual significant other refuses to do it. Bonus douche points for him if he knows about this fear and exploits it.
4. That he will leave or lose interest in you if you don’t do that sexual thing that he likes (that you hate… or at least don’t enjoy). Let’s face it: he probably wants to do crazier shit with you because his actual significant other refuses to do it. Bonus douche points for him if he knows about this fear and exploits it.

 

Final Thoughts:

That he’s “letting you in” more because he’s doing something he never does — planning a date for Friday night rather than Tuesday, finally lets you give him a haircut or a hickey, etc. What this REALLY means is that his SO is away, so he can do whatever the fuck he wants. She won’t know who he’s with when he goes out over the weekend (and will lie if she asks), and his hair will grow back/hickey will heal by the time she returns.

 

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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We’re talking about the being the woman on the side in this two part series from the ‘other person’s’ perspective.

 

By the end of this episode:

• Famous Mistresses
• Why people take a mistress/’Side person’
• Types of mistress takers
• WikiHow’s “How to be a side chick’ article

Describe the problem

Segment #1

Mistresses in History

1. Jamie Grubbs (Tiger Woods), Rielle Hunter (John Edwards), Marilyn Monroe (JFK), Anne Boleyn (Henry VIII), Monica Lewinsky (Bill Clinton)

Why take a mistress? Business Insider Article:

1. Here is the wild ride of confidential abuse I have been privy to: “She used to pop pimples on my back when we were making love.”, “If we had a party, she would show up thirty minutes late (also a timeline for nights out) and I would have to entertain or wait.”,  “I only got a blow job three times in our marriage – and the last time was the night before I was served with our divorce papers.”, or, my favorite, “Sex was so Goddamn boring – I just couldn’t crack the code . . . “.
2. This may sound outrageously simplistic. I am just a mistress after all. The reason men love me? I will tell you. Before I go to meet any one of my lovers, I have one thought in my mind: Please let me please him.

Three Types of Cheaters

1. The Incessant Cheater (The Charmer)
2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater (Not looking to cheat)
3. The Discontented Cheater (Feel Justified)

 

[message break]

 



Segment #2

How to Be a Side Chick-WikiHow

1. Keep things interesting. When he texts you, keep the conversation interesting. A side chick’s main responsibility is to keep things fun and exciting. Giving him short answers and acting uninterested will make him wish he was playing Words with Friends instead — or even just hanging out with his Main. Tell him funny stories; ask how he’s feeling; surprise him. Do whatever you’ve gotta do to keep things exciting, as long as it feels natural.
2. Don’t ask questions. This should be a no brainer. You can’t ask “Where were you,” “Why didn’t you call me,” “Why are you always so busy,” “Why don’t you ever see me,” “Who were you on the phone with,” etc., if you expect to keep the relationship going. These are not side chick questions. You got yourself into this situation, and there’s no point in acting jealous or surprised when you already knew the score getting into it.
3. Don’t try to spend holidays or birthdays with the guy. If he cares enough, he might celebrate these events with you the day after or before, but for the most part, don’t expect anything like a gift or acknowledgment. These days are saved and reserved for the Mains, and it may be safe to text him to wish him a happy New Year/Christmas/birthday, but a phone call should not be made. And as for Valentine’s Day, you can pretty much bet that he’ll be spending it with his main.

Final Thoughts:

Let him think he’s the only one. You don’t want him to think you get down like this, even if you do. You’re already a side chick; you don’t want him to think you’re seeing other guys, too. But if you are seeing other guys, then so what? You have every right to do what you want; he didn’t put a ring on your finger, did he?

• Keep your Facebook clean. Don’t let him see lots of pictures of you with a bunch of other guys.

 

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

 

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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By the end of this episode:

• how to determine sexual compatibility
• what to do if you’re in a relationship and you don’t feel compatible
• the #1 tip for sexual compatibility in a relationship

 

Describe the problem

Sex is the best…unless you’re doing it with someone who doesn’t. quite. get it. It’s entirely possible that you both are fantastic lovers…to other people you’re more compatible with. So how do you figure out early on if this is a sex-match made in heaven? And what do you do if you’ve tried EVERYTHING and your current partner still hasn’t mastered how to bring your pleasure? Find out in episode 104, Sexual Compatibility.

Segment #1

 

How to find sexual compatibility

1. 8. It’s okay to go by the “first pancake” rule–you really connected on your first date, had an extremely hot make out on the 2nd, and on the 3rd…well, what happened there?? It’s entirely possible you’ve just made a horrible mistake ORRRRR, you’re just two humans who are trying to figure each other out and didn’t quite get there the first time. That’s why it’s okay to go back for seconds and thirds…
2. 7.  Discuss your turn ons and turn offs and preferences–yep! You gotta talk about this ish early and often. What gets you going? What doesn’t? Figuring out if you both are incredibly turned on by the smell of fresh laundry early on can lead to greater harmony down the road. Figuring out six months in that one of you hates lights on and one of you loves it…that can be a tougher hurdle.
3. 6. Practice the art of non-sexual touch–do you like to touch each other when it’s not sexy time? Hopefully that answer is a resounding “yes!” Otherwise, maybe you should just be each other’s booty calls.
4. 5. Know Thyself–you might be a hidden kinkster and not know it, or maybe you haven’t figured out yet that you are seriously aroused by the thought of ravaging your partner over a pile of fresh laundry. The best way to figure out sexual compatibility is to know yourself first…if you know what you like, it’ll be easier to seek out and spot (or train!) those who can give it to you.

 

[message break]

 



Segment #2

 

What to do if you’re struggling with this area of compatibility in your relationship

 

1. 4. Determine if it’s medical–things can change sexually in a relationship for lots of reasons, but medical reasons can have a profound impact on sexual relationships. If you or your partner has a sudden change in desire, check with your doctor.
2. 3. Talk it out–this tip should seem obvious, but there is often shame or embarrassment surrounding sex, which can make it hard to communicate about it openly. If you have a loving relationship with your partner, however, resolve that you want to solve this issue together, and that a “no judgment zone” is enacted when it’s time to talk about sex.
3. 2. Figure out if you’re just in a rut–Ruts can be fixed with a little creativity and openness to trying something new. Maybe you don’t want to go full on threesome…try watching something sexy together instead. Or hey…just get out of the bedroom and try doing it someplace new and sneaky. Creating new experiences together is often all you need to jumpstart the sexytimes.

[message break]

 



Final Thoughts:

#1. Be honest about what you really want…and be willing to walk if you can’t receive it with your current partner.

 

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show recap

Listener Mail

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

 

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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GUEST: Nicci Sprouse, matchmaker

 

How to find your perfect match

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• if there’s such a thing in the first place as a “perfect” match
• things to think about before the first date
• the #1 tip to finding your perfect match

Describe the problem

Dating can be tough, especially when you think you know what you want, but just can’t seem to find it. Today we get lessons from a seasoned matchmaker on how to find the match that’s right for you, and how to foster that relationship when you think you’ve found it.

Segment #1

• • Take action and be social. By taking a physical action towards your goal of meeting someone you will greatly increase your chances and build your confidence. Join groups, attend events/classes, volunteer, do online dating, speed dating, etc.  

Segment #2

 

• • Filter! Know your deal-breakers and don’t compromise or settle. Now, don’t be superficial, but be fully aware of what you want so you can quickly assess who is a time-waster and who is potentially worthy.

 

Final Thoughts:

Number One Tip: Understand what a perfect ‘match’ means to you. Personality, compatibility, mutual-interests, and chemistry – everyone is unique and attracted to something different in a partner. Understand what it is that makes you swoon. But be self-aware of what is NOT your match so you break those old patterns.

 

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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It’s compatibility week and today we’re talking about compatibility with faith and religion.

By the end of this episode:

• you’ll learn how to find religious compatibility
• how to work through your relationship if something changes spiritually
• the number one tip for couples seeking religious compatibility

Describe the problem

Religion, spirituality and faith (or lack thereof) are all things we are lucky to be able to find deeply personal. Faith plays a huge part in many people’s lives, and many people even grew up with faith as a part of their culture or upbringing. For some, the issue of religious compatibility is actually a non-issue…you either see eye to eye, or you don’t. For others, however, it holds varying degrees of importance. So how do you know if you’re compatible with someone in this area, and what do you do if you’re already together and things change for one of you spiritually? Find out in episode…

 

Segment #1

How to find religious compatibility

1. 8. Know up front how important it is to you–for some people, this is an easy one, but for others, you might not know how important it is until you date someone who is in church every time the doors are open.
2. 7. Bring it up early–Sure, they say religion and politics are things you should never mention on a first date, but if this is a part of your life that’s important to you, it’s okay to talk about it a bit (ESPECIALLY if you’re particularly devout and are looking for certain specifics or “levels.”)
3. 6. Experience a service, session or outing with your new boo’s religious group or congregation–still not sure your partner’s religion is your jam? Go see what all the fuss is about. Even if you don’t agree with everything he or she believes, maybe you can enjoy how their religion plays out in every day life.
4. 5. Decide if you’re comfortable practicing (or not practicing) alone–So maybe you will just never understand each other’s brand of spirituality…are you good with having your religion be your “thing”?

Segment #2

What to do if you’re struggling with this area of compatibility in your relationship

1. 4. Remember it’s personal–maybe one of you converted in the course of your relationship, or one of you lost your religion. Remember that faith (or non-faith) is a very personal decision, so when approaching a conversation, take ‘er easy
2. 3.  Listen to concerns–it may very well be that your partner truly believes that in-compatibility in this area could be sinful or have eternal consequences. Or maybe it’s much less dire than that, and your partner just doesn’t believe that your cats have souls. Either way, listen and try to understand, and see how you can adjust your own viewpoint to be more in harmony with your boo
3. 2. Find what you have in common–Maybe you don’t understand your partner’s beliefs, but maybe you both agree on social justice issues, or caring for the elderly, or even just have a very strong sense of family. You might not pray like your partner, but maybe you can both find something spiritual about donating time at the local soup kitchen.

 

Final Thoughts:

#1. Remember why you are together in the first place

Yes, religion is a very important personal choice for people, but maybe that’s not why you fell in love in the first place…and maybe those reasons are actually quite compatible with your beliefs.

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

 

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

 

It’s our 100th show, and we want to take this time to help you make some quality time for your partner

By the end of this episode:

Describe the problem

Segment #1

Ways to make some quality time for the super busy

1. 8. Eat-Cook together
2. 7. Run errands together
3. 6. Watch a favorite show together
4. 5. Co-Hobbies

Segment #2

 

1. 4. Shower together
2. 3. Cheat with your partner
3. 2. Enjoy the moments you have

 

Final Thoughts:

#1. Dedicated Date Night

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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This week is all about conquering conflict, and we are going to learn how to make amends with your partner after a bad argument.

By the end of this episode:

• 8 ways to heal a fracture in your relationship after a fight

Describe the problem

…It was a knock down, drag out, no holds barred conflict. You got it all out, spoke your truths, and fixed the issue at hand. Except now you’re walking through the remains of a war zone…how do you tread safely? And how can you repair hurt feelings and make amends?

Segment #1

1. 8. Give a gift – This doesn’t really fix anythihng, but sometimes a truibute is a good way to get ‘in’ again so a real solution can be created
2. 7. Let the little stuff go – How important is the toilet seat when you’re not directly sitting on it? Not very, if you can keep the proper perspective, then you can avoid letting an argument in one area, break your relationship in unrelated areas
3. 6. Talk about the fight – Hey, you know that fight we had the other day…well of course they do! Approaching things ‘head on’ allows you both to settle any resentful feelings and really move on, especially if somebody got hurt in the last battle
4. 5. Fix what you can – Did your partner bring up something that you can actually fix. Nothing says, “I want this to work” than actually listening and taking their advice. If you can show that you’re listening, they will be more apt to listen to you too.

Segment #2

1. 4. Admit you were wrong – Sometimes, it’s not about the dishes, or the trash, or the headache you faked…sometimes your partner just want to know that their concerns/fears are legitimate. Reassure your partner that they are not, in fact, crazy, and then you two can work on a solution that leaves everyone smiling and headache free!
2. 3. Laugh together – You know what the opposite of fighting together is? Laughing together. Fighting creates an actual tear in your relationship, but laughing can open the doors to a good old fixin’. Share a smile, and who knows what else you two will start to share.
3. 2. Apologize – Yes, apologize, but do it for real. Fake apologies only make things worse, and the last thing you want to do to an already hurt partner, or make them feel patronized

 

Final Thoughts:

#1. Remember why you are together – Look your partner in the eyes and remind them of why you chose them. Remind them that you still think they are that person, and those memories are the ones you choose to focus on, and the types that you’d like to continue to create instead of the one that you just did. Ask them how to create a great memomy, and then send a check to Relations: The Podcast…

 

• Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Start over, clean slate
• Sarah’s Thoughts

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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