0097 – How to Be Heard (and Understood) During an Argument – Fight Week!


This week is all about conquering conflict, and today we going to talk about how to effectively communicate with your partner during an argument

By the end of this episode:

  • Top 8 Communication Methods/Techniques to use during a conflict

Describe the problem

…You’re in the midst of a fight, and you want things to be better. The problem is, emotions are high, you feel like you’re either not saying what you mean, or your partner just isn’t getting it, and all you’re both doing is feeling miserable. So how do you communicate well during a conflict? And how do you listen to your partner as well as be heard?

Segment #1

  1. 8. Keep it Private – Note to self. A public platform can turn a conversation between two, into a viral social meme in the matter of seconds. Be aware of your surroundings at all times.
  2. 7. Keep it friendly – This can be hard to do, even if your partner isn’t returning the favor. Make it easy for them by leading the way and choosing hugs, and not drugs…or something like that.
  3. 6. Give Props for Good Points – There’s nothing in the argument rulebook that says that everything that exits your partners mouth is complete bull…oh, wait, there it is. Page 45, paragraph three. Well, pretend that your partner isn’t a complete idiot, they have to make a good point eventually, right?
  4. 5. Give up on Winning – Have you ever ‘won’ a fight with your partner? Have you ever stood victorious above their lifeless body? Laughed while they cried in the corner? Good for you, now who are you going to snuggle with tonight, champ?

Segment #2

  1. 4. Clarify first – It’s easy to respond, just open your mouth and make sounds, it’s a bit tougher to understand your partners point and then respond. Make sure that they really said, “You look fat in those pants”, and didn’t just say, “I left my hat with those ants”…
  2. 3. Focus on One topic at a time – Dammit, she’s winning this round…oh yeah?!?! Well what about the time– Stop it. Your partner deserves to close one door before you open another, it’s unfair and immature to try to win by any means (and any argument) necessary.
  3. 2. Assume that you don’t know – The funny thing about explanations is that they’re useless when you think you already know everythinhg you need to know. Have an open mind because the intelligent, boo you’ve been cuddled up with might actually have something important to say, and you’ll miss it if you already think you know it

[message break]


Final Thoughts:

#1. Argue for the other side – Yeah, this is hard, but it gets you in check, real fast. Instead of focusing on how they were a jerk, call “Switch” and each of you articulate from the other person’s side. Notice how the voices get lower, and the criticisms get less harsh. No more hyperbole? Great, this is how you should be speaking when it’s your turn to state your own case again.


  • Elijah’s Thoughts
    • Argue Naked???
  • Sarah’s Thoughts



In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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