We’re talking about how to deal with being a ‘side chick’ or mistress with in-depth conversations on:
By the end of this episode:
- How to Emotionally Deal With Being the ‘Mistress’
- 10 Lies to Stop Telling Yourself
Describe the problem
Segment #1
How to Emotionally Deal With Being the ‘Mistress’ – YourTango
- First of all, look at yourself in the mirror and say this as many times as you need to: “I am not a bad person.” If you tell people about your affair, you’ll get called every name in the book by your guy’s wife or girlfriend, her friends, and possibly by him. The hardest part of this whole situation won’t be the heartbreak but the judgment that others cast upon you. Nasty labels like “slut,” “skank,” and “whore” really sting, especially since I’m guessing you sincerely believed the only new label you’d be picking up would be “girlfriend.”
- His wife or girlfriend doesn’t want, or need, to talk to you. You’ll have this black-and-white kind of notion that she absolutely must talk to you to hear the whole story. News flash: you remind Cheater’s Girlfriend of his infidelity and she does not want that rubbed in her face any more than she’d want dog poo on a silver platter. I had to have this one explained to me by a 60-something evangelical Christian lady, of all people. But after I sent my crazy email, I thought there was a slim chance the girlfriend and I would commiserate together about the lyin’ bastard. That’s what happens in the movies, doesn’t it? But my best friend’s mom set me straight that his girlfriend likely hated my guts and never wanted to see me again, ever.
- The life you have together will always be a secret – No matter how much you want to freely take a stroll with him in public and have him tell the world how much he loves you, it is best to accept that it may not happen. He may be more than willing to be your lover and constantly shower you with presents but he is probably never going to introduce you to his friends or have the risk of his family find out about you.
- Don’t be burning up energy making empty threats. Sometimes an ultimatum is needed to bring things to a head, but if you have no intention of actually following through – you’ll look like a dipstick and then he knows that he doesn’t actually have to make a decision. An ultimatum is an ultimatum for a reason which means there should only be ONE.
Segment #2
Lies to Stop Telling Yourself
- That you’re just in it for the sex and are, in fact, using HIM. Case in point: he treated like you shit, you didn’t leave, and now he still gets to treat you like shit, but without even having to pretend that he’s interested in treating you like a person. You’ve just made it infinitely easier for him. He doesn’t even need to continue lying to you about whether or not he’s still sleeping with his significant other. (But guess what? He is. And he never stopped.)
- That the reason you don’t go out as much anymore — even though you want to — is because you could potentially miss a rare opportunity when he has the time to come over.
- That he will leave or lose interest in you if you don’t do that sexual thing that he likes (that you hate… or at least don’t enjoy). Let’s face it: he probably wants to do crazier shit with you because his actual significant other refuses to do it. Bonus douche points for him if he knows about this fear and exploits it.
- That he will leave or lose interest in you if you don’t do that sexual thing that he likes (that you hate… or at least don’t enjoy). Let’s face it: he probably wants to do crazier shit with you because his actual significant other refuses to do it. Bonus douche points for him if he knows about this fear and exploits it.
Final Thoughts:
That he’s “letting you in” more because he’s doing something he never does — planning a date for Friday night rather than Tuesday, finally lets you give him a haircut or a hickey, etc. What this REALLY means is that his SO is away, so he can do whatever the fuck he wants. She won’t know who he’s with when he goes out over the weekend (and will lie if she asks), and his hair will grow back/hickey will heal by the time she returns.
- Elijah’s Thoughts
- Sarah’s Thoughts
Show Close
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Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.
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