“In this episode…”

…We’re discussing the art of dating someone much older than you.

 

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Why people ‘Date Up
• What is the etiquette when you’re ‘dating up’
• Talk about how to integrate with an older crowd

Describe the problem

…Because our listeners are awesome, they send us cool show ideas. This show was requested by Hokie Fan, and the request went like this:

 

Until last year, I was with my wife for 15 years and when it ended, I seriously lacked the confidence and dating skills necessary to get back out there.  So naturally, I gobble up all of the advice I can find, and podcasts are a great vehicle for receiving this wisdom!

 

The young woman (she’s 25, I’m 38) I’m dating now and I are getting more serious, and there’s a dynamic to our relationship that I haven’t heard discussed in any books or podcasts that I’ve encountered so far: spending time with each other’s existing friend (and family) base and merging them together.  Particularly when my group of friends (and family) are quite different from her group of friends (and family).

 

I would love to hear what insight the two of you have into this aspect of dating in a future podcast!

Segment #1

• Why people ‘Date Up
  • UNBLUSH |
    • Top 3 Reasons to Date Older Men
      • Older and Wiser – Due to sheer time, older men usually have more experience in the dating and relationship area, meaning they have already experienced the highs and lows of relationships. Hopefully they have learned from their mistakes and won’t repeat them with you. It also means they have more to offer you in regards to life decisions such as finance, career, and of course, making relationships work.
      • Romance – Put simply he’s not into playing games, recognizes a good woman, and treats her as such. He may not have always been a gentleman so he may take on the attitude, “been there done that.” Being a player probably faded with the 90′s or early 2000′s, so he calls it like he sees it, meaning he is ready to treat you not as number one but his only one.
  • Men’s Fitness |
    • 7 Reasons Why You Should Want to Date an Older Woman
      • She can make you a better man – A friend of mine dated a 40-year-old woman when he was 22 and new to New York. “She picked the restaurants, paid for things, took me places. She had access to a world I didn’t, and she had done all the things I hadn’t done yet,” he said. Now he’s in his mid 40s, and married with a kid, and remembers that relationship as critical to making him the man he is now. “As a dude, I’m told that I’m supposed to date girls my own age and take care of them, pay for dinner, and so on. But for that period of time, the roles were reversed. She had the power. And it felt great—who doesn’t want to be taken care of?
      • She knows what she wants, and doesnt – And at this point, she’s not afraid to say it. In the bedroom? Go ahead and try to shock her. Bondage? Bisexual encounters? Threeways? Role play? If she hasn’t tried it herself, she’s likely considered it. Plus, I’m talking about outside of the bedroom as well… Since she’s got a little life on her (and maybe even a marriage in her past), she may not have the rigid checklist that a younger girl has. Most of the single women I know over 35 just want a good man, period.
• User Stories
  • Facebook User
    • My story: went to Jamaica with this older gentleman NEEDLESS TO SAY…he couldn’t get enough stamina to breathe on it!!! Partied with the islanders and told him to lose my number when we got back!!!!
    • No, I hadn’t never slept with him but hell it was a FREE trip and I wasn’t saying NO!
• Reasons for dating up:
  • Shanna – I didn’t date younger because men/boys were not mature enough nor had drive
  • Akara – I dated two guys 10 years younger than me …but we didn’t relate on the generational things like music and shows etc. and [they didn’t know] how to treat and keep me. I dated a guy 2 years older and he end up losing his job, moving in …but we related on generational stuff and he cooked and made sure we sat at the table together for dinners……Age is truly just a number cause the older guy was less stable and no more ready to settle than the younger guys.
  • Bo – …it’s funny bc all my life I have dated upward. As of lately I would be open to dating a few years younger. But is she can’t cook, it’s not going to happen.lol
  • Valerie – …probably the way that they carried themselves (swagger), wiser, and also seemed like they could offer more in EVERY aspect. Men (younger than me) didn’t seem to have that or I felt like they could not offer the same. I guess I correlated age with the ability to provide – emotionally, physically and all.

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us your interracial dating and relationship stories.

Segment #2

• What is the etiquette when you’re ‘dating up’
  • • Just a Little Bit of Everything |
      • 7 Tips For Dating An Older Man
        • DO NOT CONSTANTLY REMIND HIM OF YOUR AGE GAP – If you both have agreed to begin dating, you have moved past whatever age gap you may have. It can come across as insecure *and insensitive) if you constantly remind your man that you weren’t born when his favorite song was released or that you were only in elementary school when he was trying out for the high school football team. you also run the risk of making your man feel like an old man, which could be awkward for the both of you. Play it cool and keep the age jokes to a minimum.
        • DO SHOW OFF YOUR DOMESTIC SKILLS
        • Not to say that a woman NEEDS to know how to cook and clean in order to entice any man, but it’s certainly an attractive trait when men are looking for the woman they want to marry and raise their future families. So, show off your skills in the kitchen! Your older man is sure to appreciate it.
        • DO ENJOY THE CONVERSATION
        • Many young women are attracted to older me because of their great conversation. This is your chance to talk about all the nerdy things your friends your age rather not talk about. Because let’s face it: most 20 year olds are not interested in talking about buying their first home, retirement plans or even traveling around the world. This is the stuff your older man would LOVE to talk about. So, here’s your chance! Let your inner nerd/responsible adult loose!
    • About Human Pheromones |
      • Tips For Dating An Older Woman
        • Know what you want in life. An older woman is probably aware of what she wants in her life and she will be turned off with a guy who does not know what he wants in life. It is important that you have figured out your goals for your future and you have focus. Older women do not like uncertainty and this applies to men that have many issues in their lives.
    • You Young Now.com |
      • 5 Tips For Younger Guys When Dating Older Women
        • Don’t break promises – Even if it’s in the beginning of your relationship, you always want to keep your promises. Never make promises that you can’t keep as this is a sure way to annoy an older woman and show her how immature you are. So if you say you are going to call at a certain time, give her a call at that exact time. Never make a promise that you can’t keep. If you can’t do something – then simply let her know.
        • Be funny – Humor goes a long way when dating older women, so you should learn how to be funny. Sometimes you can mix humor with sarcasm and this will really show her how intelligent you are. Remember, women just want to have fun. So make her laugh on a daily basis if you can.

 

• • How do you interact with your partners friends when they are out of your age group

 

We want to hear from you! Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about your older/younger dating stories.

 

Gift

…if you want more GOOD advice like this for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

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Subscribe: RSS

“In this episode…”

We’re on to Part Two of our Interracial Dating Show. In our first episode, we talked about the facts, stats and misconceptions about interracial dating, and how, at least in the United States, more and more people are dating and marrying people of other races and cultures.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• if there SHOULD be separate tips for interracial dating in the first place
• if there should be differences in your approach/flirting for people of another culture
• Best tips, do’s and don’ts for interracial dating

 

Describe the problem

…While the number of interracial couples are growing in the US, there are still some misconceptions about how to approach, date and “relate” to people you may be attracted to but are of a different race or culture. So is there a better way to flirt with someone of a different culture? Or are we over-thinking it all to begin with? Find out in Part Two of our Interracial Dating Episode!

Discussion/thought: Do we really need SEPARATE tips for interracial dating?

 

Remember, outlooks are changing (finally)…two decades ago, fewer than half of Americans approved of interracial marriage, now 65 percent of all Americans support such relationships, and 85 percent of young people do.

 

Discussion: Do you need to adjust your dating tactics or approach for people of different races?

 

Jordan Harbinger (Founder of the Art of Charm) | InterracialDatingCentral.com

 

Interracial Dating Advice to Men: Grow Some Gonads!

 

“Remember guys, women of a different race and/or culture might be used to a certain kind of overture and they could have totally missed that you have absolutely no interest in the weather or her nails, at least only to the extent that those fingers might end up fondling your hair or create welts on your back. They TOTALLY missed that, because your target girl just thought you were being “nice,” and not coming on to her.

Again, social interaction is heavily influenced by culture.  A lot of times what we’d consider ‘flirting’ with a girl of our own ethnicity might not even ping the radar of a girl from another culture.  For example, direct eye contact and simple conversation can be very forward when speaking to an Asian woman, however, when flirting with a Latina or a Black woman, we need to up the touch a bit in order to keep up.  This has to do with how the members (guys) of their own culture interact with each other (girls).”

 

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us your interracial dating and relationship stories.

Segment #2

On to the tips:

 

In General…

 

All Women’s Talk

Ideal Dating Tips for Interracial couples

1. 1. HAVE SELF CONFIDENCE

…have self confidence in yourself and your relationship. You want to believe in your relationship, otherwise why be in it? A relationship should be built on love, not what other people think or say.

2. NOBODY CAN TELL YOU WHO TO LOVE

Nobody in the world can tell you who to love, no matter what. If you fall in love with someone Asian and you are white, that’s okay! If you fall in love with someone black and you are Indian, that’s okay too! It is not about what color your skin is or where you come from, and don’t ever let anyone tell you that it is.

6. NO AWKWARDNESS

While you might not understand some of the things that your partner does, because of maybe their religion or because of where they grew up, that doesn’t mean that you have to be awkward about it. If you are dating an Indian and you are white, why not learn a bit about their culture and what makes them do and be the way that they are?

Some Don’ts:

Rishona.net | 10 Pitfalls about Interracial Relationships

#7 – Fetish vs. Attraction. Yes, this is a very real and touchy issue. Today’s society is a “pick and choose” type of place where we are use to having lots of options. Well this type of attitude does not translate very well over into the romantic arena, and yet, many people approach their love life like shopping in a mall. When you are dating, it is especially important to determine how the other person sees you. Are you being seen as a potential mate, or as this person’s next adventure?

Rachel Khona | CupidsPulse.com

Top 5 Don’t Tips for Interracial Dating

4. Don’t pretend to be culturally enlightened

Some men attempt to use race as a way to prove how culturally enlightened they are. Case in point: As I was writing this article at an airport bar, the bartender asked me what ethnicity I was. When I told him I’m Indian, he responded by saying, “That’s what I thought. I’ve traveled to India quite a bit, so I could tell.”

5. Don’t stereotype

Regardless of what end of the spectrum these men fell on, they didn’t realize how simple-minded they were showing themselves to truly be. They relied on racial stereotypes.

There’s nothing wrong with talking about race with a woman, but it shouldn’t be the first thing that comes out of your mouth. It should be something that comes up organically in the conversation, not a way to impress her. If you find yourself interested in a woman of another race, whether she is Asian, Latina, or black, get to know her as a person first. Nobody wants to be reduced to a stereotype, and if that’s what you resort to when meeting a woman, you most certainly will not get very far.

The Do’s

Deborrah Carpenter | Interracial Dating Tips: How White Men Can Successfully Date Black Women

Focus on your similarities, not your differences.

Be honest about the issues you have with racism in your family. Will your family be accepting of your choice, or view your interracial relationship as a mere phase to be tolerated? Will they think you are losing your identity and feel threatened that they will lose you next? Be honest with your partner and let them know what they are getting into.

 

Melissa Noble | Tips on Interracial Dating

Ask Her Out–Attracted to a woman? Ask her out. How novel. Got that fellas?

See Her As a Woman [editors note: or Him as  Man] First–Try to avoid seeing this as some sort of racial science experiment. You’re on a date, remember, with another human being, remember. Relax.

 

Dave Schilling | Thought Catalog

 

A Few Words on Interracial Dating

 

Admit there are things you don’t know–”Chances are, you are not an expert on the culture of your significant other. You’ve never celebrated Kwanzaa, you don’t know what year it is in the Chinese calendar, and the only Irish food you are aware of is whiskey. If you accept that you aren’t a wellspring of knowledge about another culture, you open yourself up to learning those things”

 

ERY and SJS Tips?

We want to hear from you! Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about your interracial dating stories.

 

Gift

…if you want more GOOD advice like this for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.

 

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

Segment #3

• Listener Tips

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

“In this episode…”

we’re talking all about interracial dating. Interracial dating is growing in acceptance in the US, with many couples choosing to date and marry outside their culture or race, sometimes even exclusively.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• definitions, facts and stats about interracial dating
• Myths and stereotypes about interracial dating
• Concerns and benefits of interracial dating

Describe the problem

…Recently a Cheerios commercial showed a little girl talking about the cereal to her mom for a few seconds, then sweetly leaving a handful on her dad’s chest while he was napping to “help with his heart.” But what should have been an cute ad for some toasted O’s turned into a firestorm of criticism, since the mom in the commercial was white, and the dad was black. This backlash of course inspired deeper conversations on race in America, especially around topic of interracial relationships and dating. And while many would like to claim that they “don’t see race” or that “race doesn’t matter anymore,” it still is a hot button issue. So if you date outside your race or culture (or would like to), what are the facts, really? And is there really cause for so much concern? Find out in Part One of this episode.

 

Definitions, Facts and Stats

http://www.interracialdatingcentral.com/how-it-works/what-is-interracial-dating

What is “Interracial Dating”?

Interracial dating is dating between people from a different race or culture.

interracial – of, involving, or for members of different races: interracial amity

Reference: dictionary.com

When many people think of interracial dating they think of a black woman and a white man or visa versa. This isn’t all that interracial dating is about. Interracial dating can also be about dating someone from a different cultural background than your own.

The top three reasons why people choose to date interracially are that they’re attracted to the…

• physical appearance
• attitude
• culture

…of people of a different race.

So whether you’re interested in dating Latinos, Greeks, Asians, Jamaicans, Fijians, Afro-Americans or Europeans… chances are that you ARE interested in dating interracially and never knew it!

-90 percent of Latino and African-American women, and 85 percent of white respondents [in a survey for Oxygen] said they were OK with having a future partner of a different race than their own. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/09/race-in-dating-no-biggie-poll_n_3043647.html)

-In a Pew Research Center survey, black men are two times more likely to marry someone of another race or ethnicity than Black women, though the opposite is true among Asian women and men.

-Top 20 States for Interracial Dating include Ohio (9) and Georgia (5) (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/11/top-20-states-interracial-dating-infographic_n_1959131.html)

-Interracial marriages in the U.S. have climbed to 4.8 million – a record 1 in 12 – as a steady flow of new Asian and Hispanic immigrants expands the pool of prospective spouses. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/16/interracial-marriage-in-us_n_1281229.html)

-Blacks are now substantially more likely than before to marry whites. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/16/interracial-marriage-in-us_n_1281229.html)

-20.6 percent, or more than one in five same-sex couples, are interracial or inter-ethnic, compared with 18.3 percent of straight unmarried couples, and 9.5 percent of straight married couples. (2010 Census Analysis info: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/26/gay-couples-interracial-interethnic-2010-census_n_1456613.html)

–According to a 2010 study of interracial marriages, more and more people are choosing to date and marry outside their race. Census data by researchers at Cornell University and Ohio State University shows that in 1980, 6.7 percent of marriages were interracial. By 2008, it had risen to nearly 15 percent. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/05/interracial-dating-teens-_n_1406967.html)

–An estimated 4.5 million married couples in the USA are interracial, according to 2011 Census data released from a Current Population Survey.

 

-A USA TODAY/Gallup poll released in September found that 86% of Americans approve of black-white marriages, compared with 48% in 1991. Among ages 18-37, 97% approved. (http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/marriage/story/2011-11-07/Interracial-marriage-More-accepted-still-growing/51115322/1)

 

-Reuben Thomas, an assistant professor of sociology at The City College of New York, in his yet-unpublished study he presented to the American Sociological Association found that “any couple that involved a black member is more likely to have met in a public setting, an unintroduced way, compared to other couples,” who tend to meet through friends or groups, such as school, work or the neighborhood. (http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/marriage/story/2011-11-07/Interracial-marriage-More-accepted-still-growing/51115322/1)

 

-Asian men and black women are the most likely to be excluded as potential mates, says sociologist Cynthia Feliciano, an associate professor of Chicano/Latino Studies at the University of California-Irvine, who has studied interracial dating preferences among 6,070 heterosexual Internet dating profiles of people ages 18-50.

 

-Whites are the least open to interracial dating and are much more likely to date only whites than are blacks, Latinos or Asians. “The dating preferences of whites are primarily driving the fact that intermarriage rates are so low,” Feliciano says. (http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/marriage/story/2011-11-07/Interracial-marriage-More-accepted-still-growing/51115322/1)

 

-“The rise in interracial marriage indicates that race relations have improved over the past quarter century,” said Daniel Lichter, a sociology professor at Cornell University. “Mixed-race children have blurred America’s color line. They often interact with others on either side of the racial divide and frequently serve as brokers between friends and family members of different racial backgrounds,” he said. “But America still has a long way to go.”

ERY SJS Discussion: what are some of the biggest myths, misconceptions, stereotypes that may make people date or NOT date another race?

Coming up in Segment #2: Challenges and Benefits

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us your interracial dating and relationship stories.

Segment #2

 

Challenges and Benefits from California State University, Fullerton

 

Challenges

•  People within your community not accepting the relationship
•  Family and friends keeping their distance; not talking to you.
•  Indirect comments: being stared at, people shaking their heads as you walk by or enter a restaurant. Your partner not being acknowledged at a party or get together.
•  Being asked by family or friends not to bring your partner over.
•  Within the relationship there may be disagreements about who’s values/beliefs are more important
•  Direct comments: “You should be with your own kind,” “You are a sellout,” “You are disgracing your race/culture” and possibly other insulting comments.
•  One partner may feel uncomfortable telling their family and friends about the relationship. This will cause problems in the relationship.

 

Benefits

•  Learning about another culture or religion.
•  Being exposed to new ways of thinking.
•  Incorporating aspects of the culture/race/religion into you daily life.
•  Becoming stronger in what you believe.
•  Having an incredible experience with someone you love and respect.
•  Possibly learning a new language.
•  Being exposed to another country.
•  By example teaching others around you that the relationship is like any other, with challenges but worth it

 

Coming up in Part Two: Tips for Interracial Dating

We want to hear from you! Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about your interracial dating stories.

 

Gift

…if you want more GOOD advice like this for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.

 

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

 

Segment #3

• Listener Tips

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

“In this episode…”

we’re talking all about those first date mistakes and how to avoid them

 

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• common first date mistakes from the experts
• the first date “mistake” that didn’t make the list!
• YOUR first date mistakes!

 

Describe the problem

…We, of course, have already talked about how to get that all important 2nd date, but what things should you avoid for the first date? What are the worst things another person can do to guarantee a shut out? We’ll hear from experts, from our listeners, and of course, a little from us.

 

Realbuzz.com

7 Worst First Date Mistakes

 

1. Playing hard to get
2. Wandering eyes
3. You asked permission (to kiss)
4. Silent and mysterious
5. Talking about how you cheated
6. Venting/Complaining
7. You ask them what he/she wants to name your kids

 

Rebeca Minkoff’s Website (Minkette)

10 Worst First Date Mistakes

1. Guzzle booze
2. Poor Hygiene
3. Blabber about your Ex
4. Texting other people
5. Bully someone into debate

“6. Ask shockingly personal sexual questions like a pervert out on parole”

7. Act like a clingy, needy, desperate-for-love loony toon. (Which you are.)
8. Plan the date without asking the other person what they like to do, because you actually don’t really care.
9. Bring your best friends along. It’s a date, not a beach trip.
10. Use your fingers to cram food into your face.

 

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about the best, worst or hardest apologies you’ve ever had to give.

Segment #2

 

From our listeners:

Hilary from Facebook: Not waiting to order, assuming the next six months of your life together (being presumptuous), forgetting all the emails and texts beforehand, ordering for your date

 

SJS

Rape jokes (had to put it here from experience)

Mean-spiritedness, disrespect to wait staff

Trying to compete with me in the funny department not as a “witty repartee” but as an actual competition until you say something horrific and/or hurt my feelings

Blatant misrepresentation of yourself

 

Elijah

 

FINAL NOTE: Guess which “Mistake” didn’t make the list??

We want to hear from you! Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about your worst first dates.

 

Gift

…if you want more GOOD advice like this for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit www.relationspodcast.com/gift to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.

 

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

 

Segment #3

• Listener Tips

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

“In this episode…”

…we’re talking about the 5 Love Languages

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• …why the 5 love languages came to be
• what they are
• And how to find yours or your partner’s

Describe the problem

…”Communication is lubrication…” but what if you and your partner suddenly seem to be speaking a foreign language to each other? Or what if there is that person in your life you’d like to reach on a different level? Perhaps the way you perceive and receive love is a language all its own…but it is possible to learn other languages, no matter how badly you did in high school German.

ABOUT:

 

From Gary Chapman, MD (founder/inventor/whatnot)

 

“When someone says, “I feel like my spouse doesn’t love me,”—something I’ve heard countless times during my years as a marriage counselor—what are they really complaining about?”

 

Laura J Martin, MD | WebMD

The 5 Love Languages, 7 Days, 1 Couple

“There comes a point in just about every marriage, it seems, when couples stop speaking the same language.

She says, “Can you empty the garbage already!?” He hears, “Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag!”

He says, “We haven’t had sex in a month!” She thinks, “When was the last time you bought me something that wasn’t an appliance?”

After 30 years as a marriage and family counselor, Gary Chapman, PhD had heard a lot of couples’ complaints — so many complaints, in fact, that he began to see a pattern. “I realized I was hearing the same stories over and over again,” he says.

When Chapman sat down and read through more than a decade worth of notes, he realized that what couples really wanted from each other fell into five distinct categories:

1. Words of affirmation: compliments or words of encouragement
2. Quality time: their partner’s undivided attention
3. Receiving gifts: symbols of love, like flowers or chocolates
4. Acts of service: setting the table, walking the dog, or doing other small jobs
5. Physical touch: having sex, holding hands, kissing”

 

Decoded:

 

Words of affirmation

“You look nice in that outfit.” “I really appreciate what you did.” “One of the things I like about you is…” All of those phrases express affirmation. Words of affirmation may focus on the way a person looks, some action he or she has taken, or something about that individual’s personality or character. You are simply looking for ways to positively acknowledge him or her. The words may be spoken, written, or even sung. (Not to mention affirmations can also boost creativity and reduce stress.)

Acts of service

In a partnership, this might look like a massage, cooking a scrumptious meal, washing dishes, vacuuming, or taking out the trash. In a friendship, this might be helping with a computer problem or offering a lift to the airport. If this is your primary love language, then the old saying “Actions speak louder than words” will be true. Words may seem shallow, but when someone helps you, your “love tank” fills.

Receiving gifts

There is no culture in which gift giving is not seen as an expression of love. The gift communicates, “He/she was thinking about me. Look what they gave me.” It implies thought, effort, and expense. Yet the gift need not be expensive. We’ve always said, “It’s the thought that counts.” But remember, it’s not the thought floating around in your head that counts (if it’s not expressed, you’re the only one aware of it) but, rather, the gift that came out of the thought. In this love language, getting a thoughtful present says that the giver genuinely loves and appreciates the recipient.

Last two after the break!

 

Segment #2

Quality time

The person who equates love with time spent together will want to sit on the couch and have extended conversations and not feel rushed or be looking at a phone but, instead, right into the other person’s eyes. Quality time does not always involve conversation. It can be just taking a walk, planting a garden, or exercising together. The important thing is that the activity focuses on being with each other. What communicates love is the fact that you give the gift of time and your undivided attention.

Physical touch

We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. That’s why we pick up babies and cuddle them. Long before the child knows the meaning of the word love, the baby feels loved by virtue of being touched. In a partnership, this is expressed in lovemaking, holding hands, embracing, kissing, or placing an arm around the shoulder of the one you love. In a friendship, this might be a high five, a pat on the back, a firm handshake, or a hand on a friend’s shoulder.

What are yours? Your partner’s? How do you find out?

1. How do I most often express love and appreciation to others? Look at all the love languages. You can give and receive love in all five languages, but the one that resonates with you is your primary love language. It’s the way you say love—and wish to receive it.
2. What do I complain about most often? Your complaint helps reveal your love language.
3. What do I request most often? If you find yourself frequently asking, “Can you help me?” your language is likely “acts of service.” If “How do I look in this outfit?” is something you say a lot, then you are a “words of affirmation” speaker.

 

5 Love Languages.com

 

And finally:

 

The Chalkboard Mag

 

Decoding the 5 Languages

“It’s not to say that I can survive on one love language alone, but a sprinkling of the other four love languages with a heavy concentration of words of affirmation is enough to sustain me. It’s not a cure-all, but after learning other love languages exist, I am not only more in tune with my significant others needs, but can better communicate what mine are too.”

 

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

Segment #3

• Listener Tips

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

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“In this episode…”

we’re talking all about apologies, what they are, what they aren’t, and how you can apologize if you mess up

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• what an apology is
• what it isn’t
• the science behind apologies
• and how to apologize

Describe the problem

…We all mess up from time to time, whether we mean to or not. It’s not easy to admit when you have hurt someone, and sometimes a messed up apology can make things even worse. So what’s the proper way to apologize? And how can we get past meaningless “sorries?”

 

Do men and women apologize differently?

 

Sam Margulies | Psychology Today

 

How to Apologize to a Woman

 

“…a woman apologizes to maintain healthy relationships and feels no sense of loss. But a man apologizes and feels a sense of loss if not humiliation. The result of this difference is that men are reluctant to apologize and in many cases, do not know how to craft a sincere apology.”

 

Is there a difference between saying sorry and being sorry? Is there a difference between “sorry” and “I apologize”?

 

The case for less “sorries”…

 

Andre Cross | AskMen.com

 

Don’t Apologize for Everything

 

“If you’re simply saying sorry to smooth things over, then it’s not appropriate.”

 

Janet Paskin | BusinessWeek

 

Don’t Apologize: Expressing Regret, Reconsidered

 

“For two weeks I didn’t apologize…even if I was wrong.

A 2012 study by a trio of Australian scholars, helps explain why, after a few days, I felt fantastic. In academic terms, apologies act as a transfer of power from the offender to the victim. By refusing to apologize, the researchers say, the harm-doer—the technical term for “jerk”—retains a sense of control and power. Neglecting to apologize means we don’t have to admit we’ve done anything wrong. From there it’s a short hop to believing the transgression wasn’t so bad, which means we don’t have to do anything different to avoid doing it again. As I recently heard a mother tell her 8-year-old, “If you were really sorry for throwing your hat, you wouldn’t have done it a third time.”

The Case for Better Sorries

Guy Winch, PhD | Psychology Today

The Science of Effective Apologies

“Most of us conceive of apologies as including three basic ingredients: (1) a statement of regret for what happened; (2) a clear ‘I’m sorry’ statement; and (3) a request for forgiveness. These ingredients must be delivered with sincerity for an apology to be effective.

Beyond the inclusion of the three basic ingredients, what is the difference between a successful apology and one that fails to elicit forgiveness from the offended party?

Apologies come in all shapes and sizes. Apologies made to a spouse are obviously very different than those made to a work colleague or a friend. Studies have found that in addition to the three basic ingredients, three additional apology components play an important role in determining whether an apology will be effective: (A) Expressions of empathy; (B) Offers of compensation; and (C) Acknowledgments that certain rules or social norms were violated.”

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about the best, worst or hardest apologies you’ve ever had to give.

Segment #2

Note: What an Apology ISN’T

 

Tom O’Leary | Pickthebrain.com

 

5 Steps to an Effective Apology

 

“An apology is not just a tool to make peace. It’s not another way of saying “Get off my back”. It’s not a way of introducing harm, “sorry but I am going to have to divorce you”. It’s not a tool to manipulate others.

A genuine apology is not a habitual apologetic mannerism. It is a deliberate effort to solve a relational problem that you have contributed to.

When should you apologize? Whenever there is a break in a relationship. No matter what the issue, there will usually be a part, even a small part, that was your responsibility. For this you should apologize.Realizing that a disturbance is your responsibility is a giant step towards emotional maturity.”

 

Guy Winch, PhD | Psychology Today

The Science of Effective Apologies

The Science of Apologies

 

A series of studies examined the three apology components (expressions of empathy, offers of compensation, acknowledgement of the violation of social norms) and their impact on apology effectiveness for different apology recipients. They found that people responded to apology components which best reflected their general view of relationships.

 

Tips:

1. Know your audience

“Someone who defined themselves by their connections to others responded more strongly to expressions of empathy. Those who tended to keep track of what each person brought to a relationship and what they got out of it found apologies with offers of compensation to be most effective. And those who saw their relationships as being part of a larger group or community responded best to apologies which acknowledged the violation of social norms.

2. Listen well to their stated offense, tailor your response

“When apologizing to a spouse, emphasize the empathy component; when apologizing to a work-colleague, emphasize the offer of compensation component; and when apologizing to a friend, emphasize the violation of social norms component.”

3. Mean it

Remember “best advice” episode…you should at least be sorry for the hurt caused, whether you intended to hurt or not.

Other tips?

We want to hear from you! Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about your apology stories.

 

Gift

…if you want more GOOD advice like this for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.

 

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

Segment #3

• Listener Tips

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

 

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“In this episode…”

…we’re talking all about rebounds

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• what a rebound really is
• why they happen
• why they are bad…or good?
• how to navigate a rebound

Describe the problem

…The old saying is that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But is a rebound really the best way to heal? And what if you’re missing life lessons from the last relationship by jumping right into the next? So if you’ve ever rebounded or are looking to rebound, this episode can help.

Rebounds defined:

Jessica Booth | Gurl.com

7 Signs You’re in a Rebound Relationship

What is a rebound? To put it simply, it’s basically a distraction to keep a guy or girl from thinking about their recent breakup. If a guy goes into a rebound relationship, he’s looking for a quick way to get over his ex by being with someone else. But what he’s really doing his projecting his feelings about his ex onto a new girl – in a sense, he’s using the new girl.

People who go into rebound relationships don’t go into them with the intention of using someone or hurting someone else. They usually think they’re helping themselves… that’s what makes rebounds so tricky.

ToronotosNumber1DateDoctor

Facts About Rebound Relationships [Will it Last?]

Why do people rebound?

 

Nina Atwood | The Singles Coach

 

By Definition, Can a Rebound Relationship Work Out?

 

Rebound relationships serve a purpose: To protect the heart from the devastation of losing someone very important. Like a very big cushion, they protect us from the trauma of the fall that is experienced when a deep connection is abruptly severed. These relationships can be healthy, as long as you remain aware of their purpose and take your time with your new partner. If you are not paying attention, however, a rebound relationship can be unhealthy.

 

Why are they bad (…or good?)

 

Also from Nina Atwood

 

Bad…

 

• Expecting a new partner to make up for the shortcomings of the old.
• Commitment hunger.
• Chronic fear and anxiety.
• Skyrocket relationship. (too fast-paced)

 

Jeremy Sherman | Psychology Today

 

Rebound: Time Heals, but a New Relationship is Quicker

 

Good…

 

“Life is incredibly short. We don’t have forever to grieve. Until you have exhausted all of the options and configurations available, you would do well to move on, start a new life, change the scenery. Rebound is good. Life rebounds and so should you.

 

The question isn’t whether to rebound but when and to what. Yes time heals, but slowly. Time plus changed circumstances heals faster.”

 

However...

While many experts counsel against the rebound, research from a Princeton study shows  reveal no evidence of a rebound effect on remarriage stability. This was true across all demographics.

Segment #2

Tips for Navigating a Rebound…

 

If you’re rebounding:

 

Ask a few questions:

 

Mary Darling Montero, LCSW | Huffington Post

 

Are Rebound Relationships Doomed from the Start?

 

Dating and/or sex with a new person create chemical reactions in the brain that are similar to those created by powerful, illicit drugs …. In that way, rebound relationships can be a form of “self medication” that’s hard to quit. It’s vital to your overall healing and peace of mind, though, to consider why you’re in a new relationship so soon and how it’s affecting you.

 

• Are you a chronic rebounder?

• Did you go out looking for a new relationship or did it happen spontaneously?

• Is your new relationship boosting your self-esteem?

• Are you in “I’m just having fun” mode?

• Are you putting up with bad behavior because at least it feels better than being alone?

 

Note: Be honest, have courage to walk away if it’s not right.

 

If you’re SO is rebounding:

 

eHarmony Advice (FAVORITE)

 

Seven Signs You’re a Rebound

 

• Bitterness
• Eagerness
• The Ex Talk
• The Ex Remains
• Physical, not Emotional
• Friends are Surprised He/She is Dating Again
• Commitment-Phobic

 

Gift

…if you want more GOOD advice like this for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit www.relationspodcast.com/gift to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.

 

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

Segment #3

• Listener Tips

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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“In this episode…”

…we’re talking about insecurity, and how this mental state can truly be one of the worst things for both you and your relationships

 

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• what insecurity is
• why it’s bad for you and your relationships
• tips for overcoming insecurity

Describe the problem

…She’s convinced he can’t really think she’s beautiful. He’s convinced that he can never really please her. Both of them are wrong…and why? Because they’re insecure. Insecurity can be an insidious feeling that can literally destroy perfectly good relationships. But what if insecurity doesn’t have to be a fact of life? And what if there are real and actionable ways to overcome insecurity and make your relationships more awesome TODAY?

Definition

lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt

anxious or afraid; not confident or certain

 

TSMWomen.org

Understanding Insecurity

“It can be anything from upbringing, unsettling circumstances, mistreatment, to individual fears.

 

Sometimes these feelings are steady, and other times they come over her in a flood of emotion. Many times they cause exaggerated fears and misunderstandings. They may compel a women to react in a self-protective manner, shutting others out — rejecting them before getting rejected. Other times they have the opposite effect, causing a woman to work too hard for acceptance.

 

Women who struggle with insecurity find themselves vulnerable to all types of unhealthy situations. This makes it all the important to quickly identify the characteristics of insecurity and take great strides to seek change.”

 

Micheal Neill | Huffington Post

Understanding Insecurity

 

“A misuse of imagination”

 

For example: “when you are feeling grateful for what you have in your life, you feel wonderful; add in thoughts about how it’s all going to disappear (or is already gone and will never come back) and you get to feel miserable and despair.”

 

Why Insecurity in dating and relationships is dangerous

 

Mark Tyrell | Uncommonhelp.me

 

Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships

Seeing problems where none exist

When we become anxious about anything, we start looking for signs of things ‘going wrong’ (nervous flyers look out for signs that the aircraft is in trouble). And, of course, we usually find what we’re looking for, even if it isn’t really there at all.

Common insecurities in men and women:

Women

• Appearance (breast size, age, weight, eye color, etc.)
• Age
• Sexuality/Sexual prowess
• Insecurities in her relationship (e.g. what her partner thinks of her, stability in her relationship)
• What does he like me for? (both body image and “inside” image)

Men

Dr. Nerd Love (great article!)

The Five Most Common Insecurities in Men (And How to Overcome them)

• Body
• Finances
• Hair
• Sexual Ability
• Your Junk

 

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us the best dating advice YOU’VE heard!

Segment #2

 

Tips for Overcoming or Dealing with Insecurity

Mark Tyrell | Uncommonhelp.me

 

Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships

 

• • Stop confusing imagination for reality: “There are normal ‘mechanisms’ to any relationship. There are ebbs and flows and mood changes, moments of intimacy and closeness and comfortable spaces. These ebbs and flows are normal.

 

• Avoid the Certainty Trap: Overcoming relationship insecurity is partly about becoming less controlling. This may sound strange, but feeling that: “This relationship must be exactly as I think it should be!” is a form of over-control. A sign of insecurity in relationships is when the desire for certainty becomes too strong.

• Give the relationship room to breathe

• Stop ‘mind reading’: Constantly wondering what your partner is thinking is a quick route to anxiety. If they say one thing don’t assume they mean another. If they say nothing don’t assume that their silence is significant, either. ‘Mind reading’ happens when we assume we know what someone is thinking when we don’t.

• Stop comparing current relationships to past ones (red flags episode)

• For security: Seek self-assurance: Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself. Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them. Ask yourself: “Hold on a second. What real evidence is there for this fear?”

• Focus on the good: Relationships are meant to be fun (at least some of the time). Insecure people look for signs of what’s not working. I want you to look for signs of what is.

We want to hear from you! Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us the worst dating advice YOU’VE heard!

 

Gift

…if you want more GOOD advice like this for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit gettheguyfor.me getthegalfor.me to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.

 

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

Segment #3

• Listener Tips

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS