“In this episode…”
…we’re talking about insecurity, and how this mental state can truly be one of the worst things for both you and your relationships
Teaser Bullets
by the end of this episode you’ll learn:
- what insecurity is
- why it’s bad for you and your relationships
- tips for overcoming insecurity
Describe the problem
…She’s convinced he can’t really think she’s beautiful. He’s convinced that he can never really please her. Both of them are wrong…and why? Because they’re insecure. Insecurity can be an insidious feeling that can literally destroy perfectly good relationships. But what if insecurity doesn’t have to be a fact of life? And what if there are real and actionable ways to overcome insecurity and make your relationships more awesome TODAY?
Definition
lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt
anxious or afraid; not confident or certain
TSMWomen.org
“It can be anything from upbringing, unsettling circumstances, mistreatment, to individual fears.
Sometimes these feelings are steady, and other times they come over her in a flood of emotion. Many times they cause exaggerated fears and misunderstandings. They may compel a women to react in a self-protective manner, shutting others out — rejecting them before getting rejected. Other times they have the opposite effect, causing a woman to work too hard for acceptance.
Women who struggle with insecurity find themselves vulnerable to all types of unhealthy situations. This makes it all the important to quickly identify the characteristics of insecurity and take great strides to seek change.”
Micheal Neill | Huffington Post
“A misuse of imagination”
For example: “when you are feeling grateful for what you have in your life, you feel wonderful; add in thoughts about how it’s all going to disappear (or is already gone and will never come back) and you get to feel miserable and despair.”
Why Insecurity in dating and relationships is dangerous
Mark Tyrell | Uncommonhelp.me
Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships
Seeing problems where none exist
When we become anxious about anything, we start looking for signs of things ‘going wrong’ (nervous flyers look out for signs that the aircraft is in trouble). And, of course, we usually find what we’re looking for, even if it isn’t really there at all.
Common insecurities in men and women:
Women
- Appearance (breast size, age, weight, eye color, etc.)
- Age
- Sexuality/Sexual prowess
- Insecurities in her relationship (e.g. what her partner thinks of her, stability in her relationship)
- What does he like me for? (both body image and “inside” image)
Men
Dr. Nerd Love (great article!)
The Five Most Common Insecurities in Men (And How to Overcome them)
- Body
- Finances
- Hair
- Sexual Ability
- Your Junk
Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us the best dating advice YOU’VE heard!
Segment #2
Tips for Overcoming or Dealing with Insecurity
Mark Tyrell | Uncommonhelp.me
Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships
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- Stop confusing imagination for reality: “There are normal ‘mechanisms’ to any relationship. There are ebbs and flows and mood changes, moments of intimacy and closeness and comfortable spaces. These ebbs and flows are normal.
- Avoid the Certainty Trap: Overcoming relationship insecurity is partly about becoming less controlling. This may sound strange, but feeling that: “This relationship must be exactly as I think it should be!” is a form of over-control. A sign of insecurity in relationships is when the desire for certainty becomes too strong.
-
Give the relationship room to breathe
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Stop ‘mind reading’: Constantly wondering what your partner is thinking is a quick route to anxiety. If they say one thing don’t assume they mean another. If they say nothing don’t assume that their silence is significant, either. ‘Mind reading’ happens when we assume we know what someone is thinking when we don’t.
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Stop comparing current relationships to past ones (red flags episode)
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For security: Seek self-assurance: Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself. Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them. Ask yourself: “Hold on a second. What real evidence is there for this fear?”
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Focus on the good: Relationships are meant to be fun (at least some of the time). Insecure people look for signs of what’s not working. I want you to look for signs of what is.
We want to hear from you! Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us the worst dating advice YOU’VE heard!
Gift
…if you want more GOOD advice like this for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit gettheguyfor.me getthegalfor.me to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.
iTunes Review
If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!
Segment #3
- Listener Tips
In Closing
In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.
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