0135 – 5 Types of Arguments That Are Ruining Your Relationship


We’re going to talk about some arguments that can have a negative, or positive effect on your relationship. You can find all of our resources for this episode at relationspodcast.com/135

By the end of this episode:

Describe the problem

…[Problem, or Listener Email]

Segment #1

Australian Women’s Weekly – The five arguments that can destroy your relationship

  1. The victim and the aggressor: One person plays the hard-done-by victim while the other is combative and aggressive. Typical exchange: “You’re always so mean to me! I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this!” “Well, if you weren’t so pathetic, maybe this wouldn’t happen!”
  2. Stonewalling: One person, typically the man, refuses to discuss a subject, choosing to leave rather than have an argument. Typical exchange: “Well what do you think? Say something!” Stonewaller: “There’s nothing to say. I’m going out.”
  3. Defensiveness: When you feel under attack, you become defensive, protecting yourself from criticism by refusing to take any responsibility for the issue. Typical exchange: “You never spend time with the children!” “I always look after them when you go out with your friends. If anyone is a bad parent, it’s you!”
  4. Extreme criticism:Arguments that descend into hurtful personal comments often mean a relationship is at breaking point because name-calling is fuelled by resentment. Typical exchange: “I hate how selfish you are. You only ever think of yourself” “Well you’re a nagging old cow. I wish you’d just shut up and give me some peace.”
  5. Contempt:If you’re arguing in this way, your relationship is in crisis. You have no respect for each other and only speak to express your contempt for your partner. Typical exchange:”There’s no point even talking to you because I know what you’re going to say.” “Good. I don’t want to talk to you either.”

Segment #2

SingleBlackMale.org – Three Relationship Topics People Don’t Discuss Until It’s Too Late

  1. Is Being Faithful Hard? To be clear, I’m not only talking about physical encounters. Many people limit their definition of cheating to physical encounters. However, most infidelities don’t leap to the physical. You often work your way up to the physical point, so what about all those missteps you took on your way there? What about all those indiscretions you overlooked, ignored, or somehow excused until the inevitable? You know the type: the extra DM on Twitter, the inappropriate ‘Like’ on a Facebook picture you had no business viewing in the first place, or the “hey, how have you been?” message to an X even though you’re in a new relationship. Then there is real life: the extra flirtatious laugh, touch, or suggestion you give or overlook from a person of interest. You know you respective statuses so instead you entice each other, playfully at first, until that invisible line between flirtatiously innocent suggestions and outright deceitful actions blurs beyond recognition. What then?
  2. Is arguing a natural part of every relationship? Can you genuinely remove arguing from a relationship or do you believe arguing is a natural part of a healthy relationship? What happens if you find arguing detrimental but your partner finds it natural? What’s the difference between an argument and a debate?
  3. Is your significant other entitled to your social media passwords in a committed relationship? A Michigan man is now being sued by his ex-wife after he read her e-mails and learned of her extramarital affair with her (allegedly abusive) ex-husband. Got that? The prosecution argues that he “hacked” into her e-mail, basing the justification of the charges on a criminal statute that is typically used to prosecute governmental hackers. He claims that he used the computer all the time and she kept her passwords in a little book next to the computer. Simple click-clack of the keys and he was in. Harmless, right? I’m not sure.



Final Thoughts:

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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