0047 – Flirting: How Women and Men Flirt Differently


How do you subtly (or blatantly) flirt with someone you’re interested in, or your significant other.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • What is flirting
  • How do men and women flirt differently
  • Tips on flirting well
  • Top flirting mistakes

Describe the problem

Flirting can seem like a language all on it’s own, and everyone has their own preferred dialect to speak it in. But where do we learn this skill? How do you become better at letting someone know that you’re interested in them? More importantly, how do you make sure that someone you don’t like doesn’t take an eyelash in your eye, as a ‘come hither’ wink?

Segment #1

  • What is flirting
    • TheSocialAnthropologist.com | What is Flirting
      • Elements of flirting:
        • an air of the unknown
        • communication that both people understand
        • communication that makes both participants feel special, understood, unique
  • both people acting as a mirror for the other, reflecting the image of one’s best self.
      • Flirting is a little word with a lot of baggage. For some it can mean just being friendly; others may regard flirting as sexual harassment. The end result could be a simple ego trip, a memorable or forgettable roll in the hay or the wedding march. The end goal of flirting defines how, when, and where the flirting happens. The desired outcome also dictates whether people flirt in packs or fly solo.
      • Flirting is not a universal language. What may work for one culture may not have the same effect elsewhere. While some aspects of flirting such as fluttering eyelashes, hair-twirling and head-tossing laughs may seem generic, there are many other facets of flirting that do not translate quite so directly. Even body language has its cultural variations. For example, touching a Londoner’s knee will almost certainly get you off on the wrong foot while touching a New Yorker’s knee might well get you a foot in the door.
  • How do men and women flirt differently
    • ThereCoveringLegalist.com | She Might Be Flirting If…
      • She touches you. Normally, I would give credence to this one. However, some people are just “touchy” people. Some women have a motherly instinct that demands they straighten every tie and remove every piece of lint. So, don’t get creeped out when Granny brushes your shoulder.
      • She plays with her hair. Supposedly, if a woman fiddles with her hair – twirls it in her finger while talking or listening to you – she is flirting. Sinead O’Conner, therefore, will be hard to read, I suppose.
    • ScienceDump.com | Wanna find out how women flirt? (awesome infographic)
      • Comes back for more – She will try to get your attention by parading back and forth until you’ve noticed her
      • Flirty Lips – She will draw attention to her lips with any prop she can find. Straw, Drink, Fingers.
      • Closeness – She is out of her safe zone and remains close to you during conversation…not applicable in crowded areas.
    • Arrifs Guide to Mentalism | How Men Flirt
      • He’ll Attempt To Improve His Appearance When Attracted – Just like in the animal kingdom, males tend to ‘preen’ when they’re interested in a female. They pay extra attention to their grooming and personal appearance. (well most of them anyway except nerds, geeks and their kind) When a man spots an interesting female, he may automatically adjust his tie, smooth his collar or brush his shoulder and also pump himself up to look more ‘manly’ just like a puffer fish pumping up to attract females. Other common signs of preening involve fixing his hair or rearranging his shirt, cuff links, and clothing. He may check his teeth or automatically touch his throat. He wants to look as good as he can before he approaches you. Therefore ladies, you should take any of the above as a very positive sign!
      • What His Hands and Feet will Tell You – When a man flirts, he will also turn his entire body towards the woman. If his legs and feet remain pointed toward you, take this as a sign he is interested. Ladies, if you are wondering whether the cute guy you are talking with is actually interested, take another look at how he is sitting. If his body or feet are turned away from you, you might want to look elsewhere for Prince Charming! Men will tell you all you need to know with their body language and non-verbal gestures (not verbally of course!).

Tell us about What’s your “go-to” flirt move? How do you let someone know that you’re interested? You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

  • Tips on flirting well
    • Sherry H. | Flirting Tips – Tips to flirt effectively
      • Compliment – Observe and pay compliments. If you really want to make an impression you’ll avoid the more obvious, like how she has great hair or he’s got fantastic height. Try and probe and discover things not apparent on the surface and you’ll have your victim’s attention. Don’t resort to idle flattery; unless you do it with remarkable aplomb or your target is stupid or both, you won’t succeed.
      • Self-confidence – You have to exude this quality if you want to be successful at the flirting game. Flirting requires gumption and you need to be really bold in your approach.
    • SIBG | Flirting 101 : Techniques On How To Flirt With Women
      • Stare at her softly – Since the eyes can generally convey a lot of different feelings, you should put them to use whenever you flirt with girls because girls are actually hardwired by their feelings. Ideally, you should stare at a girl deeply whenever you talk to her while maintaining a calm and relaxed expression on your face. This will not just make her feel more comfortable in your presence, but it will instantly make her feel closer to you, as well.
      • Playfully bump her side – Playful actions, like bumping a girl on her side, will definitely make her smile. As a bonus, it will create sexual tension between the two of you, too. Make sure you don’t do this to a complete stranger, though; that might just make things awkward. Again, revisit Tip #2 above and create that emotional bond first.
    • MadameNoir |  Dos and Don’ts for Flirting
      • Do be demure – but obvious enough to show your interest.  Lock eyes with the hottie for about two to three seconds, just long enough to let him know you’re interested.  “A woman needs to deliver this gaze, on average, three times before the average man realizes what’s happening,” says Allan Pease in his book, The Definitive Book of Body Language, co-authored with his wife, Barbara Pease.
      • Do send him a brief text message (that is, if you’ve exchanged numbers) saying you were glad to meet him.
      • Do use your body to communicate – Tilt your head sideways toward one shoulder and tilt your hips.   Real or weave, flick your hair if you got a lot or pat your ‘fro.  “[This] suggests [you] are grooming yourself for [your] man,” says Pease. If you’re sitting or standing close, lightly and briefly brush his hand or arm.  Since men can be sort of dense about this stuff, do it more than once so he doesn’t think you did it by accident.
  • Top flirting mistakes
    • SheKnows | Flirting dos and don’ts
      • Overflirting! Flirting is a bit of a cat and mouse game. Give a little, and see what comes back at you before you give any more. Guys like (and need) to know you are interested, but they also love the chase.
    • Reasons To Be Beautiful.com | The Do’s & Dont’s of Flexting! (Flirt-Texting)
      • DON’T: Overdo it with the emoticons. While a smiley can be cute and flirty, a winky face might make things too obvious or even desperate. Keep it light to make your partner (and you) interested!
    • Man Decoder | Text Flirting Dos And Don’ts
      • Don’t send multiple texts – Don’t overdo it with multiple texts in a row, and don’t text again if he hasn’t responded. It will only make you seem desperate

Tell us about You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.


Final Thoughts:

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
    • Flirting doesn’t stop when you get the gal
    • Get good at this, flirt with everyone to understand the nuances and differences between people, cultures, etc
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/47 and:

Final Question:

What is your biggest flirting turn off? What has someone done to try to flirt with you that just hasn’t worked at all?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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