0038 – Three Solid Ways to Get Someone Who is Shy to “Open Up”

We’ll discuss how to approach and court someone who might be too shy to make the first move.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • Why someone who is shy wouldn’t approach you.
  • How shy people might flirt
  • How to get someone to open up more.
  • Mistakes to avoid when courting someone shy.

Describe the problem

So this girl I’ve been seeing is drastically different from other girls I’ve been with in that she’s very shy. Not really shy in that she’s not outgoing, but in that it’s sort of difficult for her to open up (We’re both in college and I think this might be her first real relationship). Any ideas on how to deal with a shy partner/get them to open up? It’s an idea lol.


-Matt from Michigan


P.S. GO BLUE haha I had to after I found you guys were in Columbus

Segment #1

  • Why someone who is shy wouldn’t approach you.
    • LiveScience.com
      • Study Sheds Light on What Makes People Shy (due to a ‘sensitivity’ trait)
        • Role in evolution – The sensitivity trait is found in over 100 other species, from fruit flies and fish to canines and primates, indicating this personality type could sometimes provide an evolutionary advantage. Biologists are beginning to agree that within one species there can be two equally successful “personalities.” The sensitive type, always a minority, chooses to observe longer before acting, as if doing their exploring with their brains rather than their limbs. The other type “boldly goes where no one has gone before,” the scientists say.
          • Elijah’s Note– The ‘shy’ type usually just chooses to observe longer before acting. Shy folks always intend to talk to you, they just take much longer to get around to it
  • How shy people might flirt
    • Christopher Hudspeth | ThoughtCatalog.com
      • 10 Ways Shy People Flirt
        • The Facebook Friend Request – Flirt-booking is a thing and a friend request is like a web version of saying “Hi, can I know you or at least see pictures of your life?” As long as there’s a mutual friend or two it’s not creepy, and if they don’t know you, they added you because they were interested in changing that.
        • The “Like” Button – Liking someone’s pictures or statuses is the social networker’s simplest way to show interest. Of course, you can’t assume everyone who liked your new cover photo is longing for your affection, but there’s often times an underlying pattern in a person’s liking habits. For example, anyone liking your status updates back in 2009 is suspect. Even further, anyone liking multiple photos of yours after midnight is spending an undisclosed amount of time scouring your Facebook page before they go night-night, meaning they probably, definitely have a crush that they’re too shy to profess.
        • Smiling – Smiles are a safe bet because everybody smiles at everybody. We smile at babies, kids, old people, co-workers – anyone who would assume that a smile meant you want them would be absolutely full of themselves – even if they’re correct. Quickly flashing the pearly whites is a risk-free, go-to move for the shy guys and gals of the world.

Call or text 508 444 2003 to: Tell us about a time you wanted to approach someone but you were too shy. What did you do? How did you eventually let them know that you were interested.

You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

  • How to get someone to open up more.
    • LovePanky.com
      • How to Get a Shy Guy to Like You and Ask You Out
        • Impress him the way he likes –  As shy as a guy may be, she still wants to appear like he’s in control of the situation *which is why most shy guys avoid talking to girls because they’re afraid of losing control*. So if you want to make him feel good about himself and fall for you at the same time, make him believe he’s the one in control of the flirty games. Smile coyly at him and look away when he looks towards you. Ask a friend to tease you while pointing towards the shy guy, while you pretend like you’re really embarrassed about it.
        • Don’t push it! Once you do get introduced to him through a common friend *which is usually the only way to meet a shy guy!* don’t try too hard to get to know him fast. Talk to him, but don’t get pushy. Shy guys aren’t good conversationalists, even if they may be great boyfriends. They need time to warm up. When you’re introduced to him, talk to him for a few minutes, and when things start to feel awkward because he has nothing to say, smile warmly at him, tell him you’d like to talk to him again sometime, and walk away.
        • Ask a shy guy for help. Guys love helping a damsel in distress. Ask the shy guy to help you with something, be it carrying a few books for you, or to help you look for something, or to accompany you for lunch because you need some company. He’ll feel too awkward to decline, and eventually accompany you. And that’ll give you the perfect opportunity to bond with him while making him feel like your savior.
  • Mistakes to avoid when courting someone shy.
    • Brandon Gorell
      • 5 Things You Can Do To Make A Quiet Person Feel Bad
        • Ask the quiet person why he’s so quiet – Asking a quiet person why he’s so quiet is probably the easiest and most effective way of making him feel bad. “Why are you so quiet,” you’ll ask, a vaguely amused and curious expression on your face, as if the quiet person was merely a cute child serving as amusement for a group of inquisitive adults. In group conversation, stop the conversation to ask for the quiet person’s input. In a large conversation, quiet people are quiet because a) they think everyone in the conversation is an asshole, b) they don’t know anything about the topic at hand and thus would rather let those who appear or pretend to know about the topic at hand do the talking, c) they’re not interested in the conversation, or d) they don’t have anything to say. As such, when you stop conversation to ask for the quiet person’s input, you’re just forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to do while all eyes are upon her.
        • Make fun of the quiet person for being “so serious,” then tell him to “lighten up” – If there’s one question quiet people get all the time, it’s: “Why are you so serious?” There’s possibly nothing more frustrating to the quiet person, who’s simply minding his own business – not bothering anyone – than being assaulted with the sudden accusation that he is being “really serious” and that he needs to “lighten up” because “life’s too short to be moping around all the time” or something. This type of questioning is sure to put you at odds with the quiet person and generally create an uncomfortable situation you both want to get out of

Call or text 508 444 2003 to: Tell us about how you got someone you were trying to date to open up, or how someone got you to open up if you were shy.

You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.


Final Thoughts:

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

Final Question:

Tell a story about a time that you dated, or tried to court someone extra shy?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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