Author: Judah E

 

How do you subtly (or blatantly) flirt with someone you’re interested in, or your significant other.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• What is flirting
• How do men and women flirt differently
• Tips on flirting well
• Top flirting mistakes

Describe the problem

Flirting can seem like a language all on it’s own, and everyone has their own preferred dialect to speak it in. But where do we learn this skill? How do you become better at letting someone know that you’re interested in them? More importantly, how do you make sure that someone you don’t like doesn’t take an eyelash in your eye, as a ‘come hither’ wink?

Segment #1

• What is flirting
  • TheSocialAnthropologist.com | What is Flirting
    • Elements of flirting:
      • an air of the unknown
      • communication that both people understand
      • communication that makes both participants feel special, understood, unique

• both people acting as a mirror for the other, reflecting the image of one’s best self.

• • • Flirting is a little word with a lot of baggage. For some it can mean just being friendly; others may regard flirting as sexual harassment. The end result could be a simple ego trip, a memorable or forgettable roll in the hay or the wedding march. The end goal of flirting defines how, when, and where the flirting happens. The desired outcome also dictates whether people flirt in packs or fly solo.
    • Flirting is not a universal language. What may work for one culture may not have the same effect elsewhere. While some aspects of flirting such as fluttering eyelashes, hair-twirling and head-tossing laughs may seem generic, there are many other facets of flirting that do not translate quite so directly. Even body language has its cultural variations. For example, touching a Londoner’s knee will almost certainly get you off on the wrong foot while touching a New Yorker’s knee might well get you a foot in the door.
• How do men and women flirt differently
  • ThereCoveringLegalist.com | She Might Be Flirting If…
    • She touches you. Normally, I would give credence to this one. However, some people are just “touchy” people. Some women have a motherly instinct that demands they straighten every tie and remove every piece of lint. So, don’t get creeped out when Granny brushes your shoulder.
    • She plays with her hair. Supposedly, if a woman fiddles with her hair – twirls it in her finger while talking or listening to you – she is flirting. Sinead O’Conner, therefore, will be hard to read, I suppose.
  • ScienceDump.com | Wanna find out how women flirt? (awesome infographic)
    • Comes back for more – She will try to get your attention by parading back and forth until you’ve noticed her
    • Flirty Lips – She will draw attention to her lips with any prop she can find. Straw, Drink, Fingers.
    • Closeness – She is out of her safe zone and remains close to you during conversation…not applicable in crowded areas.
  • Arrifs Guide to Mentalism | How Men Flirt
    • He’ll Attempt To Improve His Appearance When Attracted – Just like in the animal kingdom, males tend to ‘preen’ when they’re interested in a female. They pay extra attention to their grooming and personal appearance. (well most of them anyway except nerds, geeks and their kind) When a man spots an interesting female, he may automatically adjust his tie, smooth his collar or brush his shoulder and also pump himself up to look more ‘manly’ just like a puffer fish pumping up to attract females. Other common signs of preening involve fixing his hair or rearranging his shirt, cuff links, and clothing. He may check his teeth or automatically touch his throat. He wants to look as good as he can before he approaches you. Therefore ladies, you should take any of the above as a very positive sign!
    • What His Hands and Feet will Tell You – When a man flirts, he will also turn his entire body towards the woman. If his legs and feet remain pointed toward you, take this as a sign he is interested. Ladies, if you are wondering whether the cute guy you are talking with is actually interested, take another look at how he is sitting. If his body or feet are turned away from you, you might want to look elsewhere for Prince Charming! Men will tell you all you need to know with their body language and non-verbal gestures (not verbally of course!).

Tell us about What’s your “go-to” flirt move? How do you let someone know that you’re interested? You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

• Tips on flirting well
  • Sherry H. | Flirting Tips – Tips to flirt effectively
    • Compliment – Observe and pay compliments. If you really want to make an impression you’ll avoid the more obvious, like how she has great hair or he’s got fantastic height. Try and probe and discover things not apparent on the surface and you’ll have your victim’s attention. Don’t resort to idle flattery; unless you do it with remarkable aplomb or your target is stupid or both, you won’t succeed.
    • Self-confidence – You have to exude this quality if you want to be successful at the flirting game. Flirting requires gumption and you need to be really bold in your approach.
  • SIBG | Flirting 101 : Techniques On How To Flirt With Women
    • Stare at her softly – Since the eyes can generally convey a lot of different feelings, you should put them to use whenever you flirt with girls because girls are actually hardwired by their feelings. Ideally, you should stare at a girl deeply whenever you talk to her while maintaining a calm and relaxed expression on your face. This will not just make her feel more comfortable in your presence, but it will instantly make her feel closer to you, as well.
    • Playfully bump her side – Playful actions, like bumping a girl on her side, will definitely make her smile. As a bonus, it will create sexual tension between the two of you, too. Make sure you don’t do this to a complete stranger, though; that might just make things awkward. Again, revisit Tip #2 above and create that emotional bond first.
  • MadameNoir |  Dos and Don’ts for Flirting
    • Do be demure – but obvious enough to show your interest.  Lock eyes with the hottie for about two to three seconds, just long enough to let him know you’re interested.  “A woman needs to deliver this gaze, on average, three times before the average man realizes what’s happening,” says Allan Pease in his book, The Definitive Book of Body Language, co-authored with his wife, Barbara Pease.
    • Do send him a brief text message (that is, if you’ve exchanged numbers) saying you were glad to meet him.
    • Do use your body to communicate – Tilt your head sideways toward one shoulder and tilt your hips.   Real or weave, flick your hair if you got a lot or pat your ‘fro.  “[This] suggests [you] are grooming yourself for [your] man,” says Pease. If you’re sitting or standing close, lightly and briefly brush his hand or arm.  Since men can be sort of dense about this stuff, do it more than once so he doesn’t think you did it by accident.
• Top flirting mistakes
  • SheKnows | Flirting dos and don’ts
    • Overflirting! Flirting is a bit of a cat and mouse game. Give a little, and see what comes back at you before you give any more. Guys like (and need) to know you are interested, but they also love the chase.
  • Reasons To Be Beautiful.com | The Do’s & Dont’s of Flexting! (Flirt-Texting)
    • DON’T: Overdo it with the emoticons. While a smiley can be cute and flirty, a winky face might make things too obvious or even desperate. Keep it light to make your partner (and you) interested!
  • Man Decoder | Text Flirting Dos And Don’ts
    • Don’t send multiple texts – Don’t overdo it with multiple texts in a row, and don’t text again if he hasn’t responded. It will only make you seem desperate

Tell us about You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Flirting doesn’t stop when you get the gal
  • Get good at this, flirt with everyone to understand the nuances and differences between people, cultures, etc
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/47 and:

Final Question:

What is your biggest flirting turn off? What has someone done to try to flirt with you that just hasn’t worked at all?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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Can you have a successful romantic relationship with someone what you work with?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Stats on relationships and work
• Possible issues of romantic work relationships
• Tips on how to have a successful work relationship
• Common work relationship mistakes

Describe the problem

Listener Dana – Is it wise to date a coworker/within the work place?

Eight hours would be a long time, but with more people merging their personal and business hours by working at home, it’s not surprising that some people may go all the way and just date someone at work. Is this as bad of an idea as it seems at first? Are they setting themselves up for failure? If not, how can someone successfully navigate both the minefield that is the workday, while protecting against hurting their relationship, and their career?

Segment #1

• Stats on relationships and work
  • CBS | 38 Percent Have Dated A Co-Worker
    • according to a survey from CareerBuilder.com, 38 percent of people have dated a co-worker at least once over the course of their careers. Meanwhile, 17 percent of those polled said they have dated co-workers at least twice.
  • Freshgigs.ca | What You Need to Know Before Dating a Coworker
    • Vault.com survey –
      • 59% of respondents admitted to having an office romance.
      • 23.3% of men report having short-term flings vs. 15.4% of women.
      • 22.2% of women report having more long-term, serious relationships vs. 14.7% of men.
    • In our own FreshGigs.ca job survey, 20% of respondents said they had dated someone at work and 29% said they would.
• Possible issues of romantic work relationships
  • TheFrisky | 5 Pros And Cons Of Dating A Co-Worker
    • 1. The person you’re dating works in the same building. If you get into a spat or worse, break up, you’ll have to see him every day — eating his stupid Pop Tarts, working with his shoes off, dating someone new — and it’s gonna be bitch.
    • 2. He’ll understand the minutiae of your day. Get ready for an awful lot of gossiping about weird co-workers and venting about clients on the weekends.
    • 3. You’ll have to keep things on the down low. It will suck to have to treat him like a colleague in staff meetings when all you want to do is jump on him and lick his face.
    • 4. You already know him. The guy eats Pop Tarts for breakfast every day and his socks smell. Hopefully, you’ll still get butterflies despite this.
    • 5. One of you might get a promotion. Things might get weird if he becomes your boss or you become his. There’s a good chance that this will send one of you off into the job market, searching for a new place of employment … and a new love interest.

 

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about a time where a work romance caused trouble in a company that you worked for. Keep everything anonymous! You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

• Tips on how to have a successful work relationship
  • AllWomensTalk.com | 7 Tips for Dating a Co-Worker You’ve Gotten to Know
    • Don’t Violate Company Policy – When you go about dating a co-worker, you want to make sure that you are not going to be putting your career in jeopardy by violating company policies. If you are dating a co-worker and violating the company polices, make sure that it is worth it. Is this person the ‘one’ for you? Do you have an instant connection? Is he marriage material? Below, we’ll explore some ways that you can keep your relationship discreet so maybe, nobody will know you are dating!
    • Avoid PDAs (lol) – Whenever you are dating a co-worker, make sure that you are avoiding any and all PDAs, especially around the office. This can actually put your career at risk and can actually cause a lot of tension within the office. If you’re going to date someone that you work with, save the PDAs until you are out of the office.
    • Don’t Fight at Work – This goes hand-in-hand with the PDAs rule. When you are fighting with your spouse, remember – don’t take it out at him at work! When you are at work, you want to leave all of your personal business behind and make sure that you are professional and civil at work.
    • Have An Exit Strategy – Finally, if you are dating a co-worker, make sure that you have some kind of exit strategy. What this means is that if you do happen to break up, what are you going to do? How are you going to handle it? Be prepared!
  • Glamour.com | 10 Tips for Dating Someone in the Workplace
    • Make Out in the Elevator
    • Secretly making out in the elevator at work and then stopping the second you get to your floor is a fantasy everyone has, and you have the opportunity to make it happen. Take advantage, on behalf of the rest of us. [Ed note: But be wary of security cameras!]
• Common work relationship mistakes
  • Glamour.com | 10 Tips for Dating Someone in the Workplace
    • If One of You Manages The Other, Just Don’t Date, Period
    • Don’t date or sleep with your boss or subordinate. It puts both of you in an awkward (and fireable!) position, and things like “sexual harassment” get too easy to claim. If you really think this might be the love of your life, consider leaving your job before you start a relationship. If it’s just a fling you’re after, don’t do it.
  • StatusMakeover | 5 Tips for Dating a Coworker (A Guest Post)  
    • Leave work at work.  When you’re going out with a coworker, it can be easy to fall into conversations revolving around work:  how everyone fell asleep during your presentation, reasons behind the merger, the point of the conference call that occupied half of the day, or even about how the vending machine is never properly stocked with the right products to satisfy your 3:00 p.m. sweet tooth.  You deal with enough work during the week and your free time spent away from the office shouldn’t be spent on what you deal with Monday—Friday, nine to five.  To keep things interesting between you and your special coworker, direct the conversation elsewhere and relax while enjoying the opportunity to get to know one another in a different environment.

Tell us about Is it ever ok to date your boss? You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/46 and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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SEO Show Description

We’re talking about how to forgive. How do you really let go of the past and move forward with a clean slate?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Why forgiveness is important
• How to ask for forgiveness
• How to forgive someone
• Mistakes people make when forgiving their partner

Describe the problem

Listener Sergio

So you, your partner or a friend messed up. Apologies were handed out, things seem to be better…except every once in a while, you realize that maybe forgiveness wasn’t handed out as freely as you thought. Perhaps there are arguments over what happened in the past, or a partner still feels resentful. You want the relationship to progress, but what if you haven’t or your partner hasn’t REALLY forgiven? And how do you find a way to truly forgive so that you can move on?

Segment #1

• Why forgiveness is important
  • PsychCentral | Why Forgiveness is a Major Part of Relationship Success
    • Increases relationship effort – Making an effort to improve a relationship and doing what it takes to have positive interactions is required for relationship longevity. Partners in a relationship must also be being willing to regulate their behavior in a way that benefits the long-term goals of the relationship. Focusing on the long-term consequences as opposed to the immediate urges we may want to react to can drastically change the way someone will respond and deal with a situation. Focusing on long-term goals can prevent further arguments and other offensive behavior that may lead to greater negativity.
  • Stephen Hedger | How important is forgiveness in a relationship?
    • Resentments are powerfully destructive in relationships and so communicating, understanding and forgiving each other is critical for relationship harmony. If a person in a relationship struggles to forgive their partner for the wrongs in their relationship, that person is actively blocking the repairing process. Blocking the repair process will be important to that person to create protection on some level, but the question is this, what if their desire to create protection blocks their ability to build a successful bond with those that are important to them?
• Why is forgiveness so hard
  • Black and Married With Kids | When It Comes to Our Spouses, Why is Forgiveness So Hard
    • It seems like a lot of people’s definition of forgiveness looks more like “I’ll forgive you, but I won’t forget.” Which isn’t forgiveness. So why is it so hard for us to forgive?
    • we’re all going to have to learn how to forgive because one of the many things that’s guaranteed in marriage, is that our spouse WILL do something to us that they will need to be forgiven for.
    • Webster defines forgiveness as “to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt.” Did ya’ll get that? “To grant free pardon” and “to give up all claim of an offense or debt”. So basically, forgiveness is to wipe the slate clean like it never even happened. So, that means once we have truly forgiven someone, we shouldn’t be bringing up what they did 5 days, 5 months or 5 years later. And that’s not what a lot of us do when we say we “forgive” someone.
• How to ask for forgiveness
  • FaithLife.com | How to Ask for Forgiveness
    • Express Regret
    • Accept Guilt
    • Request Forgiveness

You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

• How to forgive someone
  • RelationshipsSociety | The 3 Barriers to Forgiveness after an Affair
    • Forgiveness is more about you as the victim than it is about the cheater. While it may make the cheater feel better to know that ‘all is forgiven,’ this does not mean that you will feel better.
    • There are also two ways of looking at forgiveness in terms of what it means to you. If you refuse to ever forgive your spouse, you may be signing on for long-term anger, resentment and bitterness. However, if you offer forgiveness, you may find yourself at peace with the world—and your spouse.
    • What about considering acceptance? This simply means that you find a different kind of peace: you accept the circumstances for what they are—a bad turn in life, but one that has happened and cannot be erased, it simply is.
• 3 Barriers to Forgiveness
  • You’re Not Ready – Before you can decide whether you should forgive, or simply accept the affair, there is a progression of healing you need to go through. Remember those volatile emotions and negative thoughts I mentioned earlier? These must be dealt with first and foremost before you can even consider moving forward, whether it’s to consider forgiveness or if you should stay in your marriage.
  • Lack of Cheater Remorse – It’s difficult to forgive someone who shows absolutely no remorse. There are some cheaters who seem incapable of understanding the pain they’ve caused their spouses, and refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Or, your spouse may not have fully broken off the relationship with the paramour.
  • The Cheater has Not Apologized – A heartfelt apology is usually the prerequisite to forgiveness. The person who has caused injury may say, “I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you. Can you ever forgive me?” The victim is much more inclined to give consideration to forgiveness when the cheater comes to them with a heartfelt plea such as that. And, piggybacking on barrier 2—when the cheater truly shows remorse and is doing everything they can to show that they’ve changed their cheating behavior.
• Mistakes people make when forgiving their partner
  • Host ideas
    • Elijah
      • Don’t just say it if you don’t mean it
      • Forgive Biblically for the best chance at real peace
    • Sarah

You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.



Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Artipot.com | How To Ask For Forgiveness For Cheating On Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend
    • Know that you’re being watched
    • They will be hurt, and may not be amicable
    • Trying to justify yourself only hurts
• Sarah’s Thoughts
  • letting go can be painful (debriding a wound)…you may find it brings other stuff

 

Show Close

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/45 and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

 

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SEO Show Description

Should you continue to speak to your ex after you’ve broken up? Or will the continued contact cause more problems than good?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Reasons why people break up
• Should you stay friends with your ex
• Tips for keeping your ex as a friend
• Mistakes people make when staying friends with their ex

Describe the problem

from listener Elizabeth

Everything that has a beginning, supposedly has an end; and relationships are no different…right? More and more people are choosing to evolve romantic relationships, into friendships after the romance has left the building. Are they on to something we’re missing? Are they a more enlightened form of humanity that we should all aspire to be? Or are they just trying to keep their ex close to plot another run at some of that good, good loving?

Segment #1

• Reasons why people break up
  • Dr. Mark Goulston | Why relationships end
    • Relationships end not because you stop loving each other, but because you stop liking and/or stop feeling liked by each other.
    • A frequent cause of this is that one partner is constantly trying to make the other partner into what he or she needs that other partner to be and dislikes and resents that other partner for not going along with it, and for not appreciating it.  Over time the other partner comes to feel hurt, then resentment, then anger and finally emotionally shuts down and withdraws to protect himself or herself from feeling so disliked by the first partner.  At that point the relationship has turned into an arrangement, because all the relating to each other has been replaced by resentment.  Game over (sadly, some couples remain together for years after reaching this point).
    • Wouldn’t you (sadly) agree?
• Should you stay friends with your ex
  • Thought Catalog |  Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Be Friends With Your Ex
    • It’ll be tortuous, especially if you still want to sleep with them. You’re no longer allowed to do so. You own no more stocks on their body. You’ve been bought out. As you sit there actively trying to be friends, you’re going to grow resentful about the fact that you can longer kiss them. Just a little while ago, you could do whatever you wanted to their body and their face, and now it’s the one thing you’re not allowed to touch. You might just scream at them, “Why can’t I just touch your penis/vagina anymore?! It used to be mine to touch. Give it back!” I wouldn’t actually recommend saying that though because you might be called crazy.
  • Lipstiq.com | Should You Stay Friends with an Ex?
    • If you’ve stopped getting attracted to the little things he does – Imagine the time when the both of you are out with a group of friends having a drink at a bar. You then notice his gorgeous smile and have the urge to kiss him but let’s face it; you can’t. Not only is this mentally and emotionally torturing, having these urges would only leave you digging back into the past and that’s definitely a no-no. (You Should)
    • If you won’t be able to accept that he has someone new – If you’re not ready to see him with someone else, then that’s a clear sign signifying that you shouldn’t think of being friends just yet. Whether he is seeing someone else as a rebound or he has really taken an interest in her, you have to acknowledge the fact that he is no longer yours and that you shouldn’t be poking your nose into his business. Don’t go around spreading nasty things about the other person just because you’re upset. (You Shouldn’t)

 

Tell us about a time that an ex wanted to be friends, but you said no. Why? You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Get the show notes, links to all of the articles discussed in the show, and cool stuff we don’t talk about on the show sent right to your email. www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe

Segment #2

• Tips for keeping your ex as a friend
  • SheKnows.com | 15 Keys to remaining friends with your ex

    • Don’t rehash the problems the two of you had

    • While it might be tempting to use every meeting as a chance to pick at old wounds, don’t do it, says Steinorth. “Leave your past issues in the past and begin focusing on your friendship,” she advises. “Most of us don’t argue and bicker with our friends so now that your relationship status has changed from romantic relationship to friendship, leave the arguing and bickering out of it.”

    • Be nice to the new beau

    • It’ll be tough, but if your ex has a new girlfriend, be pleasant. “This sends a very reassuring message to your ex and the new partner that you are not going to be a threat,” Orbuch explains. “You may even find that your ex welcomes a new friendship between you and his new partner.”

    • If you have children, respect your ex as your child’s other parent

    • “Whether or not you have children, respect your ex as a person you once loved enough to marry no matter how mistaken you might have been,” advises Tessina. “You once had hopes and dreams with this person. Though the dreams have died, and been replaced by new ideas, the person you once dreamed with deserves your respect.”

    • Don’t let the friendship hold you back

    • Being friends with your ex can sometimes backfire if you let it and keep you from moving forward. “Don’t allow your friendship to impede you from dating and forming new romantic relationships,” says Sussman.
• Mistakes people make when staying friends with their ex
  • HerCampus.com | The Do’s and Don’ts of Staying Friends with an Ex
    • Don’t meet for dinner, unless you have a (good!) reason for it.
    • Meeting for dinner is as close as you can get to an actual date, and it often feels like one if you haven’t made the date or non-date aspect clear. It can be done, though, Dr. Major says, as long as you have ground rules set first. “It’s best if you’re meeting for a specific purpose – like discussing something [other than each other!],” Dr. Major says. It’s also important to keep dinner short, he says. Don’t stay for dessert, extra wine, or coffee afterwards. Dr. Major says, usually when ex couples choose to meet up for dinner it’s their way of seeing if they want to get back together. “There’s nothing wrong with that,” Dr. Major says. “But just be honest with yourself, and about why you’re there.” Definitely don’t send mixed messages! To help keep conversations and meet-ups brief, suggest grabbing a cup of coffee or lunch instead of the more formal dinner.
  • SparkLife | Ask Jono: Being Friends With An Ex
    • DON’T flirt accidentally.
    • This is pretty self-explanatory; just don’t start telling lurid stories about showering or bras or whatever in front of this guy. Don’t text him a :3 face at two in the morning. Don’t pluck at his shirt, even if there is a giant caterpillar on there. Don’t put your arm around him unless you are reaching across him to fondle a hotter boy. You get the idea.

Tell us about an ex that you successfully transitioned into a friend. You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

Get the show notes, links to all of the articles discussed in the show, and cool stuff we don’t talk about on the show sent right to your email. www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/44 and:

 

Final Question:

Tell us about a time that being friends with your ex did/didn’t work.

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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SEO Show Description

We’re talking about how to succeed at speed dating. Can you really find love in under 10 minutes?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• What is Speed Dating?
• Does speed dating work?
• Tips to conquer speed dating?
• Common Speed dating mistakes?

Describe the problem

While some of us thrive under pressure, most of us hate the idea of feeling rushed to do something, even little things. So it’s no surprise that many people scoff at the idea of speed dating. Can you really do something as important as finding your next ‘boo thang’ in under 10 minutes? Is this for real, or just another dating scam? And most importantly, how do you get everyone in attendance to check your name on their little card?

Segment #1

• What is Speed Dating?
  • Definition
    • an organized social activity in which people seeking romantic relationships have a series of short conversations with potential partners in order to determine whether there is mutual interest.
  • AskMen | The Benefits Of Speed Dating
    • With speed dating, you can meet single women who fit your criteria. Obviously, you should be honest about your own specifics like age, education level, religion, ethnicity, your ideal woman and what have you.
    • After you complete the questionnaire, you’re invited to a get-together with 10 to 20 women that match your said requirements. How does it sound so far?
    • Once there, you get to spend approximately 7 minutes with each woman (no pickup lines or too much time spent with Miss Wrong) and exchange your ideas on whatever you want to talk about.
    • At evening’s end, you fill out a report that specifies which women you’d like to see again and if the women you choose are interested in you, an exchange of numbers takes place.
  • Host Banter on the subject
• Does speed dating work?
  • Yahoo Voices | Is Speed Dating Worth Your Time?
    • Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, cognitive psychologist and writer, also discusses speed dating and whether it is a waste of time or not. Based on his own experiences as well as studies and research done on the topic, Kaufman has found that the when looking at the types of people who attend speed-dating events, both genders were found to be looking for a potential long-term partner.
    • Putting the findings in perspective, researchers have converted the time and money spent on these speed dating events to see the value. For calculation purposes, each event costs about $40 and lasts 3 hours. With this in mind as well as past research on speed dating, it could cost an individual up to 75 hours and about $1,000 to find a relationship partner.
  • HowStuffWorks | How Speed Dating Works
    • But do the rules of attraction still apply in speed dating? University of Pennsylvania psychologists examined more than 10,000 client responses from Hurry Date’s database and found that in the context of a speed date, the usual rules of attraction go out the window. Factors like religious affiliation and earning potential — usually viewed as very important in dating — are replaced by behavioral cues. These cues provide the basis of attraction in a setting where time is of the essence and split-second decisions are made.

 

Tell us how you feel about speed dating? Does it work? You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Get the show notes, links to all of the articles discussed in the show, and cool stuff we don’t talk about on the show sent right to your email. www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe

Segment #2

• Tips to conquer speed dating?
  • YourTango.com | 6 Tips For A Successful Speed Dating Experience
    • Show Up Early – Try to show up at least 20-30 minutes earlier than the event start time. This will give you some time to register, get familiar with the venue and mingle around. This is also perfect opportunity for you to get to know the event hosts and ask questions. Building a relationship with your event hosts can be of huge value if you are truly on the hunt for a new relationship. If your hosts know the type of person you are looking for, we may be able to point you in the right direction by initiating pre-event introductions with other participants.
    • Reset Yourself Before Each Mini-Date – Just like any date, you should go in with an open mind and make an effort. Try not to let the events of the last date, good or bad, influence the direction of the next one. Give your attention to your current date and use it as an opportunity to engage each other and get a feel for them. Base your level of attraction on your date’s presentation.
  • Fastlife.com | SPEED DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN
    • Give Clear Signals – Men are notoriously bad at interpreting signals from women. Know what you want when you flirt and make sure your signals are clear and that they convey what you mean. If you genuinely want to meet people then by all means flirt, just make sure you know how to separate the sexual flirting signals from the ‘hi, I’m friendly’ flirting signals.
    • Ask Him What He Enjoys Doing – Women and men often tend to fall back on the line ‘What do you do’? To some men, this can smack of ‘checking for wallet-padding’. Not everyone is doing work they love and the question may put them on the spot. Men are much more activity orientated than women. Asking them what they enjoy doing in their life will allow you to find out more about what makes them tick.
  • SuccessWithWomen.info | Speed Dating Tips for Men
    • Make eye contact! That’s right, make sure when you engage in the conversation you look her in the eyes and not glance away too often.  If you do glance away too often she will perceive this action as being weak and thus judge you as lacking in confidence. Seriously not good!
    • Watch your posture! Because the night may drag on a for a couple of hours where you will be sitting at a table for most of that time make sure you watch your “sitting posture”.  A lot of men have a tendency to slump in a chair instead of sitting upright.  The way to cure this is to always be aware of your posture and make it a priority throughout the night!
• Common Speed dating mistakes?
  • AskMen | Speed Dating Tips
    • Don’t line up your dates – If you’re lucky enough to get a few matches following your speed-dating night, be sure to start with one date and schedule the others afterward. Sixty percent of girls go speed dating with friends (90% of guys go alone), so if you accidentally try to line up three BFFs the Friday, Saturday and Sunday after the event, they will not be impressed, and you’ll be back to square one.
    • Don’t be creepy – You won’t mean to be, but it will come off that way if you ask, as date No. 4 did with me, “What is a girl like you doing at speed dating?” If you try to get her contact details and ask what street she lives on or suggest meeting up afterward, she’ll be rubbed the wrong way. The system dictates that you discreetly mark the “yes” box and if the other person does the same, you will be provided with their contact details. Don’t push it.
    • Don’t elaborate your weak points – You have five minutes to sell yourself. Don’t talk, as my date No. 9 did, about how you lost your job, can’t find work and have had to move in with your grandparents. Don’t mention ex-girlfriends, bad breakups or the fact that your family forced you to go to speed dating to get you out of the house because you’ve been pretty depressed recently.
    • Don’t Ask the usual questions – Most speed dating nights have an average of 20 to 30 people from each sex. If you’re near the end of the line, the bored woman in front of you has already repeated the story of where she comes from and what she does for a living for the past two hours. Start with something you can steer out of the mundane — topics along the lines of travel, dreams for the future or childhood memories.                    

Tell us about your best speed dating tip! You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

Get the show notes, links to all of the articles discussed in the show, and cool stuff we don’t talk about on the show sent right to your email. www.relationspodcast.com/subscribe



Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Don’t forget to have fun
  • Go with the flow, not with a script
  • Forget quickly
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/43 and:

 

Final Comment:

Tell us a funny or interesting story about a time that you went speed dating.

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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SEO Show Description

We’re figuring out how to turn best friends, into lovers, and if that’s even something that you should try to do.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• How you can tell that your long time friend might be interested in you
• How to bring up a relationship to a long term friend
• Tips for dating a long term friend
• Mistakes to avoid hurting the friendship

Describe the problem

Hmm well let’s see… I’m not in a relationship, but my BestFriend and I have been friends for 3 years. He’s in Europe playing professional basketball and I’m in California finishing up school. We’ve been talking about meeting up and traveling after I’m done with school and maybe even living together. Everyone thinks we’re together but we really aren’t “boyfriend/ girlfriend” yet. But we do act like if we are in a relationship. He’s pretty much doing his thing and so am I . So I’m a little confused. We went from seeing each other every day during college to now talking on Facebook every day and we skype once every month. Once he left I came to a conclusion that I really love him and miss him more every single day!

Marquetta from California

Segment #1

• How you can tell that your long time friend might be interested in you
  • HowtoAttractMen-guide.com
    • http://www.howtoattractmen-guide.com/how-to-tell-if-a-guy-likes-you-10-signs-he-likes-you-more-than-a-friend.html
      • Tones down his naughty side when he’s around you
      • He really likes you if his whole behavior changes when he’s around you. For instance, if he’s a little silly with his friends, he tones down his silliness or stupid humor. He does this to impress you.
  • FridayDating
    • http://www.fridaydating.com/2013/10/i-want-to-date-my-friend-should-i-ask.html
      • 1. You both enjoy spending lots of time together and never seem to get enough of each other.
      • 2. Both of you find yourselves staring at each other for long periods of time but don’t say how you feel about each other romantically.
      • 3. You both spend almost everyday with each other and you feel like that no day is complete without spending time together.
      • 4. Both of you feel butterflies inside when you see each other and are very anxious and happy to be together.
      • 5. You and your friend think about each other all the time.  You both find that you say each others names all the time. You even sometimes complete each others sentences.
• How to bring up a relationship to a long term friend
  • ItsYourTechnique.com
    • http://itsyourtechnique.com/2013/08/24/how-to-tell-him-youd-like-to-be-more-than-friends/
      • For example, if a woman wanted to to make sure that her male friend knew that she was open to being more than friends she could say:
      • “I just want you to know that I love spending time with you. Of all my male friends you are the one I would want to date. However, I believe that you see me as just a friend and I’m okay with that too. If I’m wrong and you are interested let me know. Otherwise, I will continue to assume that we’re just friends.”
      • She should then change the subject, act happy, playful, and confident, and say good night with confidence so that he doesn’t feel pressured to say something just to make her feel okay.
  • Host Opinions

 

You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

• Tips for dating a long term friend
  • LovePanky.com
    • http://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/dating-game/how-to-date-a-friend-dating
      • Get touchy feely
      • Getting someone to like you, be it a friend or a stranger, is all about playing your cards right. You can take a plunge, but there’s no going back if your crush declines your advances. So it’s always better to play it safe, send out the right signals and wait for the ball to roll downhill.
      • You’ve warmed your friend up and you’ve started flirting, so now it’s time to start getting touchy feely.
      • Don’t ever paw your friend or cling onto their arm. Be graceful in your touches, and do it only at the appropriate moment. Never linger your touch longer than required and always do it purposefully and delicately.
• Mistakes to avoid hurting the friendship
  • ASoundMatch.com (How to close itif it doesn’t work)
    • http://asoundmatch.com/blog/how-to-say-it-a-long-time-friend-now-wants-more/
      • The Opener:
      • “When you suggested that we explore a romantic relationship, I was excited about it. I was immediately intrigued and wondered if maybe we are meant to be together. After all, you are sexy and handsome and considerate and kind and … [obviously, fill this in as appropriate].”
      • You are one of the most important people in my life and I want us to be in each other’s lives always. Our relationship is more meaningful to me than you may know.”
      • Get In It:
      • “I can feel your passion for me and I wish more than anything that I could return it to you. Believe me, I wish my body would respond the way I want it to. It feels like the universe if playing a cruel joke on me because I want us to be together. For so long you have felt like family to me, and I can’t seem to get past feeling that you are my brother rather than my lover.”
      • Close It:
      • “I will be crushed if you withdraw from me. I don’t want anything between us to change. I am really glad we explored the possibility … and now we know. I love you so much and I hope we both can look at this as a little adventure. Is there anything more I can tell you? Is there anything more you’d like to say about it?”

 You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

Can you have a successful long term relationship from a friendship?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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SEO Show Description

The do’s and don’ts of Googling your date before, and during a date, and while you’re dating.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Is Googling your date right or wrong?
• How can you find out the most information about your date before you meet?
• Googling horror stories

Describe the problem

The Internet is a beautiful thing, connecting us and giving us information like never before. In some ways, this is a good thing…especially for those who are dating, since it gives access to an entirely new set of people to date. In other ways, it’s a bad thing, since it gives us access to, you know, an entirely new set of people to date. So should we observe boundaries or give people the “benefit of the doubt” when meeting potential new dates (both on and off the Internet?) or can we save ourselves a whole lotta trouble by just going to Uncle Google and vetting our future ex-Mrs. Young?

Segment #1

• • Is Googling your date right or wrong?
    • Glamour.com
      • Why You Should Stop Googling Your Dates
        • You get too judge-y – The more you learn about someone, the harsher you may judge him, according to one study. For example, Google might find that your new guy likes soccer, bourbon, andLost reruns (hey, you too!). But it also reveals he was president of his fraternity (and you weren’t into the Greek scene). Once you learn that one thing you don’t like about him, you tend to latch onto it, the study showed, and now those photos you unearth of him playing beer pong with his buddies are more likely to strike you as further evidence that he’s just too fratty for you.
    • SheKnows.com
      • Googling your date before the date

 

• Save googling for after the date – Go into the date with an open mind, minus any pre-conceived notions. At some point you are going to want to Google your date to verify what he told you. But get to know him first. Go on at least one date, and try to hold out for two or three. Google is an authority on the mating habits of tree frogs in the Amazon and can help you find Chinese food in your area; Google can never replace Mother Nature, your heart or your brain.

 

You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

• How can you find out the most information about your date before you meet?
  • HowAboutWe.com
    • The Complete Guide to Googling Your Date (Or Crush. Or Ex. Or Cute Barista. Or….)
      • Google Your Date + College They Attended – If googling your date’s name results in thousands of hits for “Brad Smith,” and you’re just looking for dirt on the right Brad Smith, try searching their name with the college they attended. It’ll be easier to make sure that you’ve got the right guy, plus you might get all kinds of vintage goodies: sports teams they played on, radical political groups they were affiliated with, quotes in their college newspaper (“Brad Smith, a sophomore, also thinks the tuition hike is excessive…”), fraternities they were in which got discredited due to unscrupulous hazing practices…..
      • Google Their Username – If you met your date online, try Googling their username. A satisfying username takes forever to come up with, so a lot of people have a username that they use for everything from online dating sites to comment boards to Yelp to basically anything they don’t want to have show up on a Google Search of their name. (HA, as if that would stop you from finding it.)
      • Don’t Google More Than 2 Pages Deep – I know I literally just suggested Googling someone’s username so that you can read, like, the oeuvre that is their Gawker Comments, but that is probably overkill for a first date. If you’re in the early stages of getting to know someone, there is really no reason to go more than 2 Google pages deep, as bloodthirsty for knowledge as you may be. A cursory look at their Twitter, blog, work associations, and any other hits that would come up on the first or second page is permissible. Thoroughly investigating every single place their name appears on the internet is overkill. (Just to be clear: I have absolutely done this.)
• Googling horror stories
  • LasVegas.GreatlocalNews.com
    • 7 Nightmarish Anecdotes That Prove It’s Worth Googling Your Dates
      • Found out his blog was from prison
      • Found out that they were related
      • A Mug Shot

You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

Should you Google date, yes or no…and why?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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SEO Show Description

What do you do when you’re in love with more than one person at once? How do you figure out the best solution, while breaking the fewest hearts possible.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Can you be in love with two people at the same time?
• Should you have to choose one person? If so, how do you decide?
• How to avoid hurting someone you care about

Describe the problem

 

I think you should talk about being in love with two people at once and what to do and the best way to handle it (tips etc)…

 

I am going through that right now. I dated someone for a long time and we broke things off (long story) but we still have deep feelings for each other. During the year we have not been together, I started dating someone else and fell for him (I wouldn’t necessarily say as deeply as for my ex). I ultimately decided I could not be in a relationship with either until I figure out what is best for me. But truth is, I don’t even know where to start? Any tips? Suggestions? What’s right? What’s wrong?

Segment #1

• Can you be in love with two people at the same time?
  • Johnny Depp
    • “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.”
  • LovePanky.com
    • Are You in Love with Two People?
      • Falling in love with two people and holding both of them close to your bosom is not as easy as it sounds. At the same time, love is not and has never been a once in a lifetime experience. You fall in love with different people in different ways. And at times, you end up feeling romantically excited towards two different people at the same time.
      • While falling in love with someone is inevitable, it’s still in your control to pursue it or let it go. If you really want to, you can avoid falling in love with a second person by simply taking a step back and putting a stop to the flirty conversations and the sneaky dates. The feelings of love and lust may linger for a while and fade away, and the best part is that it won’t emotionally confuse and torment you.
  • 2KnowMyself.com
    • Is it possible to love two people at once
      • Going for the inferior option – This is one of the most popular reasons that make people love two persons at the same time. Some people get married to the best catch they find and not to the person who can really satisfy their important needs.
      • If you really wanted to drink grape juice but found nothing other than water then you might drink water in order to quench your thirst but Later on if you came across the grape juice you wanted earlier you will quickly realize that you didn’t want water at all.

 

CTA for listener input:

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time? You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

 

(:30)BREAK – Elijah’s Mini-Course Promo (added during editing)

Segment #2

• Should you have to choose one person? If so, how do you decide?
  • Note: Researched “How to choose between two people” and the results were overwhelmingly about women needing to choose between two men. What do you think this means?
  • Match.com
    • http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12438/Torn-Between-Two-Lovers
      • Notice how you feel about yourself when you’re around each prospect– Different people bring out different parts of your personality when you’re around them. This gets amplified even more when you’re dating two people at once. It’s striking to notice the changes in yourself when you’re around one person versus the other. “The first clue is to pay attention to those differences in how you feel about yourself when you’re around each person,” says Dr. Ish Major, a psychiatrist and author of Little White Whys: A Woman’s Guide Through the Lies Men Tell and Why. “Ask yourself the following questions: Which one makes me feel more alive? Which one makes me feel more comfortable? Which one makes me feel more my true self when we’re together? Which one do I feel more sexually in tune with? Which one makes me feel like the person I believe myself to be?” Ultimately, you want to find someone who not only lets you be yourself, but who also brings out your best qualities when you’re with each other before committing to dating that person exclusively
• How to avoid hurting someone you care about
  • How About We.com
    • http://www.howaboutwe.com/date-report/the-dos-and-donts-of-choosing-between-people-you-love/
      • DON’T Keep Seeing Them While You’re Making a Decision – Space is important. It would be impossible to choose between two people you already love if you keep seeing them. When you take time apart, you get clarity and you remember all the good things and the bad things. When you keep seeing someone you’ll keep being reminded of how much you’ll miss them. Just take a few days to yourself. Plus, you’ll feel much less pressured to make a choice if you’re not constantly talking to the two people in question.
      • DO Remember, There Is No Right Or Wrong – Is there a possibility that one person is REALLY wrong for you? Of course there is. That’s why you talk to your friends, who will gladly smack you over the head with that fact. But in most cases, like in Schmidt’s case, you would be happy ending up with either of them. Keep that in mind. This is not a “right” vs “wrong” scenario. They’re just different, and they probably make you happy in different ways. So, stop thinking so much. Stop worrying about regret. Chances are, you will have nothing to regret, no matter who you choose.
      • DON’T Think You Can Keep Everyone Happy – You’re going to hurt one of these people who you love. Love hurts sometimes, it’s a fact of life. There is no way around it.
      • Don’t be afraid to tell the truth – Once you choose, don’t wait. Just do it. Rip the band-aid. The longer it takes, the harder it is going to be for both of you. When you string people along, it’s easier for you, sure. But it hurts them a hell of a lot worse in the long run. So have a proper breakup. If you love them as much as you think you do, show them the respect they deserve and break their heart as soon as possible.

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about Give us your best advice for navigating between two hearts. You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

 

(:30) BREAK – Sarah’s Mini-Course Promo (added during editing)

 

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

Show Close

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

What advice would you give your best friend for choosing between two loves? Or do you think they need to choose at all?

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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SEO Show Description

How do you begin dating again after leaving a long term relationship. How long should you wait before getting out there?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• What defines a ‘Long Term Relationship”
• How long you should wait in between relationships
• Steps to recover from a long term relationship
• First steps when beginning dating again after a long time ‘out of the game’

Describe the problem

So I am 2 months out of a long term relationship. Like, a decade long. Pretty much all of my 20s I spent with the same woman. So I would like some insight on how to cope with that loss while trying to get out there and start other relationships.  I have always been very relationshippy and not a casual dater but I am pretty sure one of the worse things I can do right now is jump into another long term thing.

Segment #1

• What defines a ‘Long Term Relationship”
  • POF Blog
    • Long Term Relationship – What Time Length Defines It?
      • (tinkerbellcgy) I was reading a profile wherein it was stated that this individual had 4 long term relationships in 12 years. Given that there were 4 relationships in a 12 year period, to simplify this for discussion purposes, that would mean that on average each relationship equated to last a 3 year time span. I may be a little naive, but I would not consider a 3 year relationship to be long term relationship. When I think of the phrase “long term relationship”, I think it would be a minimum of at least 10 years or more.
      • (Jim978) IMO, long term is defined more by intent than actual duration.
      • (bozothe_fourth) I use the word long term to differentiate my dating goal as being ‘other than’ casual or friendly dating, rather than a length of time (forever works).
• How long you should wait in between relationships
  • Psychology Today
    • Rebound: Time heals, but a new relationship is quicker
      • Life is incredibly short. We don’t have forever to grieve. Until you have exhausted all of the options and configurations available, you would do well to move on, start a new life, change the scenery. Rebound is good. Life rebounds and so should you.
  • Sarah Advice

CTA for listener input:

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about [insert CTA based on the first two show questions here] You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

• Steps to recover from a long term relationship
  • Ask Men
    • http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/dating3.html
      • Socialize: Meet a lot of new people. Use this time to improve relations with old friends, network, and make new friends. A well-balanced life will lessen the impact of a breakup, because you will still have the other aspects of your life intact, and improved.
  • HelpGuide.org
    • Coping with a Breakup or Divorce
      • Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.
• First steps when beginning dating again after a long time ‘out of the game’
  • eHarmony Blog
    • Getting Back in the Game
      • Believe it or not, no matter what the outcome – even if she declines your invitation—you have taken a giant step toward overcoming your fears, so that the next time you find yourself in a similar situation your level of nervousness will be lower because as it’s been said, you’ve “been there, and have done that” before.
  • SheKnows.com
    • http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/816215/how-to-face-dating-again-after-a-long-term-relationship-1
      • Release any negative feelings you have toward your ex – Accept that the relationship was required on your dating journey, and be thankful that it ended not a day later than it did. When you can truly let go with peace in your heart, you can allow new love to enter.
  • GlobalPost.com
    • http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/date-after-longterm-relationship-16749.html
      • Experiment with different types – If you think back on your history of exes and realize that they all share many of the same qualities, it may be time to step outside of your comfort zone by dating somebody that doesn’t fit the mold of your usual type. Dating someone who is slightly different from what you are used to might be just what you need to break a negative pattern of flawed relationships.
  • More.com
    • http://www.more.com/relationships/3-simple-steps-help-you-date-again
      • I’m sure you can (and probably have) come up with millions of reasons for not getting back into dating. You’re too busy, or you think you’re too old or not attractive enough to make dating worthwhile. Maybe you blame men: They aren’t interested in an intelligent, strong woman. They’re just looking for sex.
      • But every last one of your excuses comes from the same place: Fear. Fear of being rejected, hurt, humiliated, or disappointed yet again. Fear of the unknown. Maybe even fear of finding someone and then having to deal with all the complications that comes with fitting him into your already complex life.
  • Huffingtonpost.com
    • http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carole-brody-fleet/dating-over-50-10-ways-to-tell-if-you-are-ready_b_2961264.html
      • Can You Go Out Alone and Have Fun? – The companion element to being happy on your own is the ability to go out alone and enjoy yourself. Have you been out to dinner by yourself? How about a movie, a concert or a comedy club? It really isn’t as scary as it sounds. As a society, we are accustomed to either traveling in packs or with a spouse or significant other; however, you must be content with your own company both within your four walls and in the outside world. This contentment will enable you to make wise decisions in your dating choices and when you do choose to introduce someone new into your life, it will be for all of the right reasons.
      • Are You Capable of Trusting Again? – We have all been cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of and otherwise treated shabbily by those who lack integrity, honesty, moral decency, gainful employment or good hygiene. Should you learn from your past experiences in order to avoid repeating history? Definitely. Should you automatically suspect everyone you meet in the future based upon what has happened in the past? Absolutely not.



CTA for listener input:

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about . You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

 

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We’ll discuss how to approach and court someone who might be too shy to make the first move.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• Why someone who is shy wouldn’t approach you.
• How shy people might flirt
• How to get someone to open up more.
• Mistakes to avoid when courting someone shy.

Describe the problem

So this girl I’ve been seeing is drastically different from other girls I’ve been with in that she’s very shy. Not really shy in that she’s not outgoing, but in that it’s sort of difficult for her to open up (We’re both in college and I think this might be her first real relationship). Any ideas on how to deal with a shy partner/get them to open up? It’s an idea lol.

 

-Matt from Michigan

 

P.S. GO BLUE haha I had to after I found you guys were in Columbus 

Segment #1

• Why someone who is shy wouldn’t approach you.
  • LiveScience.com
    • Study Sheds Light on What Makes People Shy (due to a ‘sensitivity’ trait)
      • Role in evolution – The sensitivity trait is found in over 100 other species, from fruit flies and fish to canines and primates, indicating this personality type could sometimes provide an evolutionary advantage. Biologists are beginning to agree that within one species there can be two equally successful “personalities.” The sensitive type, always a minority, chooses to observe longer before acting, as if doing their exploring with their brains rather than their limbs. The other type “boldly goes where no one has gone before,” the scientists say.
        • Elijah’s Note– The ‘shy’ type usually just chooses to observe longer before acting. Shy folks always intend to talk to you, they just take much longer to get around to it
• How shy people might flirt
  • Christopher Hudspeth | ThoughtCatalog.com
    • 10 Ways Shy People Flirt
      • The Facebook Friend Request – Flirt-booking is a thing and a friend request is like a web version of saying “Hi, can I know you or at least see pictures of your life?” As long as there’s a mutual friend or two it’s not creepy, and if they don’t know you, they added you because they were interested in changing that.
      • The “Like” Button – Liking someone’s pictures or statuses is the social networker’s simplest way to show interest. Of course, you can’t assume everyone who liked your new cover photo is longing for your affection, but there’s often times an underlying pattern in a person’s liking habits. For example, anyone liking your status updates back in 2009 is suspect. Even further, anyone liking multiple photos of yours after midnight is spending an undisclosed amount of time scouring your Facebook page before they go night-night, meaning they probably, definitely have a crush that they’re too shy to profess.
      • Smiling – Smiles are a safe bet because everybody smiles at everybody. We smile at babies, kids, old people, co-workers – anyone who would assume that a smile meant you want them would be absolutely full of themselves – even if they’re correct. Quickly flashing the pearly whites is a risk-free, go-to move for the shy guys and gals of the world.

Call or text 508 444 2003 to: Tell us about a time you wanted to approach someone but you were too shy. What did you do? How did you eventually let them know that you were interested.

You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

• How to get someone to open up more.
  • LovePanky.com
    • How to Get a Shy Guy to Like You and Ask You Out
      • Impress him the way he likes –  As shy as a guy may be, she still wants to appear like he’s in control of the situation *which is why most shy guys avoid talking to girls because they’re afraid of losing control*. So if you want to make him feel good about himself and fall for you at the same time, make him believe he’s the one in control of the flirty games. Smile coyly at him and look away when he looks towards you. Ask a friend to tease you while pointing towards the shy guy, while you pretend like you’re really embarrassed about it.
      • Don’t push it! Once you do get introduced to him through a common friend *which is usually the only way to meet a shy guy!* don’t try too hard to get to know him fast. Talk to him, but don’t get pushy. Shy guys aren’t good conversationalists, even if they may be great boyfriends. They need time to warm up. When you’re introduced to him, talk to him for a few minutes, and when things start to feel awkward because he has nothing to say, smile warmly at him, tell him you’d like to talk to him again sometime, and walk away.
      • Ask a shy guy for help. Guys love helping a damsel in distress. Ask the shy guy to help you with something, be it carrying a few books for you, or to help you look for something, or to accompany you for lunch because you need some company. He’ll feel too awkward to decline, and eventually accompany you. And that’ll give you the perfect opportunity to bond with him while making him feel like your savior.
• Mistakes to avoid when courting someone shy.
  • Brandon Gorell
    • 5 Things You Can Do To Make A Quiet Person Feel Bad
      • Ask the quiet person why he’s so quiet – Asking a quiet person why he’s so quiet is probably the easiest and most effective way of making him feel bad. “Why are you so quiet,” you’ll ask, a vaguely amused and curious expression on your face, as if the quiet person was merely a cute child serving as amusement for a group of inquisitive adults. In group conversation, stop the conversation to ask for the quiet person’s input. In a large conversation, quiet people are quiet because a) they think everyone in the conversation is an asshole, b) they don’t know anything about the topic at hand and thus would rather let those who appear or pretend to know about the topic at hand do the talking, c) they’re not interested in the conversation, or d) they don’t have anything to say. As such, when you stop conversation to ask for the quiet person’s input, you’re just forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to do while all eyes are upon her.
      • Make fun of the quiet person for being “so serious,” then tell him to “lighten up” – If there’s one question quiet people get all the time, it’s: “Why are you so serious?” There’s possibly nothing more frustrating to the quiet person, who’s simply minding his own business – not bothering anyone – than being assaulted with the sudden accusation that he is being “really serious” and that he needs to “lighten up” because “life’s too short to be moping around all the time” or something. This type of questioning is sure to put you at odds with the quiet person and generally create an uncomfortable situation you both want to get out of

Call or text 508 444 2003 to: Tell us about how you got someone you were trying to date to open up, or how someone got you to open up if you were shy.

You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

Final Question:

Tell a story about a time that you dated, or tried to court someone extra shy?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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