0039 – Dating Again After a Long Term Relationship

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How do you begin dating again after leaving a long term relationship. How long should you wait before getting out there?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • What defines a ‘Long Term Relationship”
  • How long you should wait in between relationships
  • Steps to recover from a long term relationship
  • First steps when beginning dating again after a long time ‘out of the game’

Describe the problem

So I am 2 months out of a long term relationship. Like, a decade long. Pretty much all of my 20s I spent with the same woman. So I would like some insight on how to cope with that loss while trying to get out there and start other relationships.  I have always been very relationshippy and not a casual dater but I am pretty sure one of the worse things I can do right now is jump into another long term thing.

Segment #1

  • What defines a ‘Long Term Relationship”
    • POF Blog
      • Long Term Relationship – What Time Length Defines It?
        • (tinkerbellcgy) I was reading a profile wherein it was stated that this individual had 4 long term relationships in 12 years. Given that there were 4 relationships in a 12 year period, to simplify this for discussion purposes, that would mean that on average each relationship equated to last a 3 year time span. I may be a little naive, but I would not consider a 3 year relationship to be long term relationship. When I think of the phrase “long term relationship”, I think it would be a minimum of at least 10 years or more.
        • (Jim978) IMO, long term is defined more by intent than actual duration.
        • (bozothe_fourth) I use the word long term to differentiate my dating goal as being ‘other than’ casual or friendly dating, rather than a length of time (forever works).
  • How long you should wait in between relationships
    • Psychology Today
      • Rebound: Time heals, but a new relationship is quicker
        • Life is incredibly short. We don’t have forever to grieve. Until you have exhausted all of the options and configurations available, you would do well to move on, start a new life, change the scenery. Rebound is good. Life rebounds and so should you.
    • Sarah Advice

CTA for listener input:

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about [insert CTA based on the first two show questions here] You can also post your comments on our Facebook page at  www.facebook.com/haverelations.

Segment #2

  • Steps to recover from a long term relationship
    • Ask Men
      • http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/dating3.html
        • Socialize: Meet a lot of new people. Use this time to improve relations with old friends, network, and make new friends. A well-balanced life will lessen the impact of a breakup, because you will still have the other aspects of your life intact, and improved.
    • HelpGuide.org
      • Coping with a Breakup or Divorce
        • Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.
  • First steps when beginning dating again after a long time ‘out of the game’
    • eHarmony Blog
      • Getting Back in the Game
        • Believe it or not, no matter what the outcome – even if she declines your invitation—you have taken a giant step toward overcoming your fears, so that the next time you find yourself in a similar situation your level of nervousness will be lower because as it’s been said, you’ve “been there, and have done that” before.
    • SheKnows.com
    • GlobalPost.com
      • http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/date-after-longterm-relationship-16749.html
        • Experiment with different types – If you think back on your history of exes and realize that they all share many of the same qualities, it may be time to step outside of your comfort zone by dating somebody that doesn’t fit the mold of your usual type. Dating someone who is slightly different from what you are used to might be just what you need to break a negative pattern of flawed relationships.
    • More.com
      • http://www.more.com/relationships/3-simple-steps-help-you-date-again
        • I’m sure you can (and probably have) come up with millions of reasons for not getting back into dating. You’re too busy, or you think you’re too old or not attractive enough to make dating worthwhile. Maybe you blame men: They aren’t interested in an intelligent, strong woman. They’re just looking for sex.
        • But every last one of your excuses comes from the same place: Fear. Fear of being rejected, hurt, humiliated, or disappointed yet again. Fear of the unknown. Maybe even fear of finding someone and then having to deal with all the complications that comes with fitting him into your already complex life.
    • Huffingtonpost.com
      • http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carole-brody-fleet/dating-over-50-10-ways-to-tell-if-you-are-ready_b_2961264.html
        • Can You Go Out Alone and Have Fun? – The companion element to being happy on your own is the ability to go out alone and enjoy yourself. Have you been out to dinner by yourself? How about a movie, a concert or a comedy club? It really isn’t as scary as it sounds. As a society, we are accustomed to either traveling in packs or with a spouse or significant other; however, you must be content with your own company both within your four walls and in the outside world. This contentment will enable you to make wise decisions in your dating choices and when you do choose to introduce someone new into your life, it will be for all of the right reasons.
        • Are You Capable of Trusting Again? – We have all been cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of and otherwise treated shabbily by those who lack integrity, honesty, moral decency, gainful employment or good hygiene. Should you learn from your past experiences in order to avoid repeating history? Definitely. Should you automatically suspect everyone you meet in the future based upon what has happened in the past? Absolutely not.

CTA for listener input:

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us about . You can also post your comments on our Twitter page at  www.twitter.com/haverelations.

Final Thoughts:

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:


Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?


Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.


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