Before we can talk about moving on, we have to talk about healing from past heartbreak. Today’s show comes from articles on PsychologyToday and Boston.com. You can get these resources on our show notes page at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber]
By the end of this episode:
- 8 Ways to Heal from HeartBreak
Describe the problem
…No matter how you slice it, breakups or hurt in relationships suck. And sometimes that heartache can feel like it’s lasting forever. So how do you begin to heal when you’ve been hurt? What steps can you take to begin to be ready to move on from heartbreak? Fine out in Episode 110, Healing from Heart Break.
Segment #1
- Get perspective. Heartbreak is nothing new. It’s mentioned in the Bible, Shakespeare, and bathroom stalls everywhere. In the Led Zeppelin song “Heartbreaker,” Robert Plant laments, “The best years of my life gone by, here I am alone and blue. Some people cry and some people die by the wicked ways of love.” Wicked indeed.
- Avoid unhealthy behaviors. Avoid diving into a new relationship or engaging in casual sex, Hansen said. “Casual sexual relationships immediately after a breakup can cause a person to become overly attached to someone that they wouldn’t otherwise be interested in.” Also, avoid withdrawing from others, clinging to your ex or the hope that you’ll get back together and continually beating yourself up, she said.
- Be realistic about bouncing back. Expecting yourself to bounce back after heartbreak is unrealistic. (And this expectation, when inevitably unmet, can just make you feel worse.) “You have lost an important person in your life and it is to be expected that you will not feel like your normal self or be able to accomplish normal chores, activities [and] duties,” Hansen said.
- Write your pain. After your anger has subsided from a 5 million-degree roil to an I’m-under-control simmer and you’re out of Kleenex, it’s time to write breakup poems. Do not compare love to a wilted flower. Do not send them.
Segment #2
- 2. Seek support from a therapist. Right after your breakup, you might feel more comfortable talking to your loved ones, Hansen said. However, after a while, you might avoid reaching out because you worry your loved ones expect you to stop grieving. That’s when talking to a therapist can help. “Having an outlet to express the pain, discomfort, fears, and sadness, such as a therapist’s office, can reduce the sense of guilt and shame a person may feel for not ‘getting over it yet.’” Also seek help if it’s been a month or two and you still don’t feel better — or you feel worse and have more intense depressive ruminations, Hansen said. “A therapist will be able to assist with the depression, helping you feel better and regain your self-esteem and hope for the future.”
- Get active. When you’re feeling depressed, it’s especially important to move and trigger those feel-good endorphins. But this doesn’t have to be a long run or a tough workout. “Even if you can only walk down to the corner store, around the block, or just to the mailbox, that is still something,” Hansen said. Do what you can, and try to incorporate more activity every day or week, she said.
- Appreciate your steps — however small. Acknowledge the steps you have taken to heal, Hansen said. This could include anything from going to work to opening the blinds to having lunch with a friend to brushing your teeth, she said. “You have to remember to honor where you are and acknowledge yourself for what you are doing.”
Final Thoughts:
#1 1. Confirm you have the ailment. If it’s your first heartbreak, expect physical symptoms such as tightness of the chest (or nausea), loss (or gain) of appetite, and watery eyes (this is also known as “crying”). If you find yourself plotting revenge sex, then you’re probably heartbroken. Imaginary conversations with the heartbreaker are also common, as is an avoidance of music by Air Supply and Barry White.
- Elijah’s Thoughts
- Sarah’s Thoughts
In Closing
If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.
Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.
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