0109 – How You Can Use “Cold Reading” to Talk to Anyone


We’re discussing cold reading, and how you can use it during the dating process.


By the end of this episode:

  • What is cold reading
  • 5 Types of Cold Reads

Describe the problem

…If you’re looking to make a quick connection with someone, even non-romantically, cold-reading is a technique that can help. But how do you use this skill for good and not evil? And where do you start in the first place? Find out in Episode 109: Cold Reading.

Segment #1

  1. Definition –  Cold reading is a series of techniques used by mentalists, psychics, fortune-tellers, mediums and illusionists to determine or express details about another person, often in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than they actually do.
  2. Find an entry point – Look for a point in conversation where a new woman you’re speaking with reveals a small bit of information about herself or her emotions.
  3. Cold reading has a ladder. You’ll want to aim for three to four reads that progressively get more intense. You’ll also want to tackle two or three general qualities and one (1) hardcore quality. You have a handful of options about what qualities you explore; I generally choose emotion, personality, and sexuality to highlight in a woman I’m speaking with, myself.
    • You’re a bit clumsy sometimes!
    • You think too much.
    • You’re nervous in large crowds.
    • You second-guess yourself.
  4. General statements (that are true of most anyone, but SOUND very targeted) that get the ball rolling. This initiates a response: an emotion that brings you to the next level of the ladder.

Segment #2

5 Types of Cold Read

  1. The Rainbow Ruse: Rainbow ruses are statements where you credit a girl with a quality and it’s opposite. For example: ” A lot of people think you’re the life of the party, but there are times where you just want to relax and let other people get the attention.”
  2. Fine Flattery: Fine Flattery happens when you give the girl a positive quality compared to most people or others. Ex: You are really smart but it’s the kind of smart that comes through life experience, like street smarts.
  3. The Psychic credit: You credit the girl with being a little psychic herself EX: You probably feel like you’re psychic sometimes, like you’ll get a feeling that you should put make-up on before you go out and all of a sudden you run into someone you’re really glad you look your best for.”
  4. Jacques Statements: J statements consist of a character statement based on the phase of life the girl is in. It’s named after Jacques in “As you like it” for his 7 stages of man speech. EX: “If you are honest about it, you often feel a sense of frustration that your own ideas and talents are not given enough recognition. There have been many times where you’ve had to struggle to get people to let you show them what you can do. While you are mature enough to recognize that you have plenty to learn, and are willing to put time in to learn a new skill, you often find people too set in their ways and unable to appreciate the contributions you could make if only they let you.”
  5. Barnum Statements: Named after PT Barnum these statements are generalized character statements that a majority of people will consider accurate about themselves. EX: ” You have a strong need for people to like and respect you.”
    • ” You tend to feel you have a lot of unused capacity and that people don’t always give you full credit for your abilities.”
    • ” Some of your hopes and goals are pretty unrealistic”
    • ” You are an independent and original thinker, you don’t just accept what you’re told.”


Final Thoughts:

#1 For the best tips, read a horoscope!


  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts



In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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