0087 – 8 Ways To Navigate the “What Are We?” Phase Of Dating


In this episode, we’ll teach you the top 8 ways to navigate the new relationship “in-between”.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • …what not to do with texting
  • how to be clear with your expectations
  • and how to have the best time ever with your new boo


Describe the problem

…So you know you like each other, you’ve been on a couple of dates, but you haven’t had “the talk.” How do you navigate this “in-between” without picking out kids names together and totally abandoning your friends while still forging ahead toward something that could be more long term? Find out right after the break.


Segment #1

    • 8. Take your time–We’ve all known (or been) those couples that disappear for six months “getting to know each other.” But if this potentially a long-term relationship, you have lots of time to connect and uncover who this new, exciting person is. You don’t need to have “the talk” tomorrow…just enjoy these first moments of getting to know each other gradually.
    • 7. Be yourself–It’s no fun 3 months in to reveal that you’ve been hiding that you’re secretly into the underground knife juggling scene (or whatever). While you’re naturally going to try to be on your best behavior for your new boo, it’s also okay to be the “real you.”
    • 6. Use texting sparingly–Texting should be for flirting and “I’m on my way!” not the more serious talks you need to have with your new boo. And never, ever, send the old, “we need to talk,” text. Begin practicing early on that deeper conversations are had face to face.
    • 5. Don’t play games–Ew. Stop it. Flirting and foreplay are one kind of game, deliberately pouting or being manipulative and shitty because you think it’ll make new person like you more is gross and starts your relationship completely on the wrong foot.

Segment #2

    • 4. Settle down! So yeah, maybe you want to get married and have babies. Or maybe you’ve been waiting your whole life to meet someone as cool as she is…but maybe don’t (?) pick out baby names two weeks in?
    • That said…
    • 3. Be clear with your expectations–while you may not be ready for “the talk” it’s perfectly okay to say, “Hey, I think you’re great and want to keep getting to know you. I’ve decided to stop seeing other people while I do that. What do you think?” You’ll need to decide ahead of time if you’re TRULY okay with your new love saying, “I’m not ready for that…”. It’s ALSO okay to say that you’re eventually looking for something serious, or that you’re not. Be clear, be honest, but don’t feel like you need to drive a hard ultimatum 2 weeks in.
    • 2. Listen, druggie, don’t lose yourself to the high…remember that the initial stages of falling in love are LITERALLY like becoming addicted to a drug. It’s easy to want hit after hit after hit of your new boonopolis, but remember it should never be at the expense of the awesome life you’ve worked so hard to build.


Final Thoughts:

Number One Tip: Relax and have fun!

These initial days can be the foundation to something really beautiful, so relax and enjoy it. Breathe through any anxiety you have about the unknowns, and just have a good time.


  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts

In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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