0005 – Rules, Boundaries, and Limits

“In this episode…”

We’re talking about dating rules, setting boundaries, and limitations. What are the parameters you use to date well, and date safely.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • Rules for the first date
  • Setting and changing personal boundaries
  • When is the appropriate time to have that first time

Describe the problem

Whether it’s because of our upbringing, our past relationships, or reading one too many Cosmos, we all have our own spoken or unspoken rules, boundaries and limitations when it comes to our dating and relationships. But what happens when your rules are a dealbreaker for someone else? Or what if your boundaries and limitations are unrealistic and causing you to miss out on potential opportunities?

  • First date rules
    • Edmonton Dating
      • My First Date Rules
        • First dates should be fun! – I don’t understand why Men take women out on dinner dates. They are expensive and awkward. You’re going to go to an expensive restaurant with a person who you’ve never met or barely know and spend a lot of money on a date where you will have forced conversation and watch each other chew food? The best first dates are things like bowling, karaoke, going to a cool local coffee shop, walking along Whyte Ave and taking in the sites, etc. Good dates don’t need to be expensive dates.
    • Adriana Velez
      • No Sex on the First Date & 8 Other Love Rules Made to Be Broken
        • Always let the man pursue“I have actively pursued two people and both situations worked out. I like being pursued as well, but it’s never an active decision either way or a rule that I follow. I follow my gut — if I can’t help but go after this person, then I do.”
    • Holtz Psychological Services
      • First Date Rules: How to Get a Second Date (Part 1)
        • Be Flirty. Many people leave a date having no idea if the other person was “into them”.   You are not out with your friend; therefore, if you are interested in your date, show them. Don’t make it a guessing game.  Remember, being flirtatious is best done in a subtle rather than overt way!
      • 20 First Date Rules
        • Never compliment her appearance. Even if she asks.
        • Make sure she laughs, even lightly, at least once every few minutes.
        • Avoid spending more than 15 dollars. Zero dollars is optimal.  Spending money is for women you’re already having sex with, not first dates.  (Note: Women over age 33 will hate this rule and take great offense to it.)
        • Be sexual. Talk about sex. Get her to talk about sex.
    • Dana Schuster
      • New Dating Guide Breaks The Rules: Sex On First Date Okay
        • Don’t sext – There are some things you simply can’t prevent in the modern digital age — one of which is sexting. That said, Wilser warns: “If you haven’t actually slept with this person in real life, it’s too soon to sext.”

Segment #2

  • Personal Boundaries
    • The Rules Revisited
      • The Importance of Personal Boundaries
        • Personal boundaries are the limits at which you “draw the line” and prevent other people from infringing on your personal world, that is, your personal rights and emotions – essentially, they are the limits of “what you will put up with.” Boundaries apply in both big and small matters, and in all areas of your life: romantic, practical, physical, emotional, spiritual.
        • Some people draw their boundaries quite close to themselves, allowing others to infringe upon their personal world dramatically, without resistance. Others draw expansive boundaries, protecting even their smallest and least significant rights and emotions relentlessly. Balancing between these two extremes is critical.
      • 5 Strong Boundaries for Personal Relationships
        • I will not maintain an unequal relationship – A relationship is give-and-take. Friendships and dating relationships involve two people who are free to be themselves without hiding, shame or fear. A healthy relationship involves two people who take turns being there for one another, and who respect what each has to say without putting expectations on one another’s feelings. A healthy relationship gives both parties room and freedom to express your respective realities without judgment.

If you don’t have the freedom to be you and enjoy the mutuality of the friendship, then you do not have a friendship to begin with… You are operating from a one-down position, as if the other person’s needs are more important than yours. I’ve learned to steer clear of these types of people, no matter how badly it hurts. I know I am valuable and I would rather go without a friend than to have a pretend friend who doesn’t listen to me, hear me or respect me.

    • Doctor NerdLove.com
      • What Will You Put Up With? Boundaries, Self-Esteem and Dating
        • When I get emails from guys who want to know about how to handle women who consistently make plans and then flake, or from women about guys who try to leverage their self-esteem against them, I always have the same question: “Why are you letting them do this to you?”

When you’re dealing with game-players and other toxic individuals, it takes two to play… and it only takes one to bring things to a halt.

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

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