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0027 – The Best Dating Advice (From our Listeners)

“In this episode…”

…we’re talking about the BEST dating advice we’ve ever heard. The experts and YOU have weighed in and…

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • what to really listen to when a guy talks
  • what’s the most important thing to work on if you’re a guy
  • and what sort of “red flags” are the ones that’ll never change

 

Describe the problem

…Advice is everywhere, and everyone loves to give it. But let’s face it, most of it is mediocre or even bad (as we discovered in our last episode). So what is some of the greatest advice the experts have to give? And what is some of the best advice you’ve heard? We’ve got it all in this episode.

Gift

…we want to remind our listeners that we think you’re so great, we like to give back to you. If you like the advice and tips you’re getting here, we’ve compiled some of the best of them into a free email ecourse, one for guys and one for girls, called, appropriately, “How to Get the Girl,” and “How to get the Guy.” So visit gettheguyfor.me and getthegalfor.me to grab yours. It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life. And it’s free!

 

Best Advice

Women

 

If a man says that he’s too damaged for you (or too neurotic, or too anything), just take his word for it. Even if it is his low self-esteem talking, you’re not going to be able to fix him. And it’s probably just a euphemism for “I’m just not feeling it.” (10 Dating Tips I Wish I Had Followed When I Was Single, Yourtango.com)

  • Sometimes boyfriends have little annoying habits. And sometimes they have small behaviors that indicate a complete lack of respect. If you wouldn’t let your friend’s sweetie talk to her that way, don’t put up with it yourself. (10 Dating Tips I Wish I Had Followed When I Was Single, Yourtango.com)
  • Listener @megcarpen: Best: Look at his worst habit, that will only get worse as the years go on. I learned that those habits can be red flags, and to observe them carefully.

 

Men

  • Be the Best Version of Yourself: Chances are, you don’t need to be anybody else to attract a great girl. There’s someone who will love you. But you may very well need to be the best version of yourself to attract a woman. (Our Ten Favorite Dating Tips for Men, Eharmony)

  • Do Whatever It Takes to Get Some Confidence EVERY SINGLE WOMAN we’ve ever asked says that confidence is a deal-breaker when it comes to choosing a guy. If you don’t have it, you’ve got to go get some. It typically helps to practice just talking to women you don’t already know. (GQ.com, 7 Dating Tips for Men)

  • Listener @destinationcbus: “Wherever you are, be the guy having the most fun.”

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us the best dating advice YOU’VE heard!

Segment #2

General

 

  • Get Clear on The Red Flags That Matter There are red flags that are annoying, and red flags that are Molotov cocktails waiting to burn your life down.

  • Crazy Never Gets Any Better You know that thing about red flags that can burn your life down. Crazy is #1 on the list. Run at the first whiff of crazy.

 

  • Listener Amy from Facebook: Best: be sure you really know what you are looking for with dating, and don’t lie to yourself or others about it. Is it just dating, or sex? Or is it long term and/or marriage? Nothing wrong with any of those, just be honest about it.
  • Listener Jeff from FAcebook: Best: (again, depending on what you’re looking for), ask yourself if you would be their friend if you had met under different circumstances. If the answer is no, you’ll have a hollow base to start from.
  • Listener Erin from Facebook: Best: maintain a level of independence and look for a partner who also values their own time. Then when you come together, the time spent is even sweeter..
  • Listener Matt from FAcebook: I get all my advice from Bobcat Goldthwait. He said, “Our culture has this stigma about quitting. I say quit as many things, as many times as you can, until you find something you don’t want to leave.”
  • Listener Andrea from FAcebook: You should probably stop dating if at any time the other person makes you feel miserable. Unhappiness happens, but the other person should not be the source of it for you. When one person hurts the other person in the relationship it should be a big deal and recognized by both parties as a big deal. If one person thinks “Oh, it’s nothing” and the other is sobbing it ain’t gonna work. Move on. You can do better.
  • Listener Steve: You both should be so comfortable with yourselves that neither of you NEEDS the other

 

ERY and SJS?

 

SJS Worst

Be the right kind of person to get the right kind of person.

“Pick which hill you’re going to die on.”

 

ERY Worst

Use periods, not question marks

We want to hear from you! Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us the worst dating advice YOU’VE heard!

 

Gift

…if you want more GOOD advice like this for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit www.relationspodcast.com/gift to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.

 

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

 

Segment #3

  • Listener Tips

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

 

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0026 – The Worst Dating Advice (From our Listeners)

“In this episode…”

…we are talking all about the WORST dating advice

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • the thing many women believe about “why he didn’t call”
  • why “waiting it out” is a bad idea
  • and the piece of advice that is both the best AND worst we’ve ever heard

 

Describe the problem

…Everyone loves to give advice. The problem is, a lot of it is bad. Even our well-intentioned friends can completely steer us down the wrong path. So today, we’re getting that all out of the way with some of the worst advice from the experts, and the worst advice both YOU and the Relations Podcast team have ever heard.

 

Worst Advice

Women

 

  • Patti Stanger, Millionaire Matchmaker
    • ““I had to find a diet that would kick me back into dating shape, because I know that I can’t date at size 8. I have to date at size 2. And it’s just a fact of nature. Go get your injections and your chemical peels. You gotta look good to attract a man.””

 

  • From The Rules
  • On marriage: Close the deal-Rules women do not date men for more than two years. If you’ve followed The Rules, your man probably loves you and wants to marry you. Your problem is not if he marries you, but when! If it’s been more than a year, see less of him and think about dating others. You’ve already spent more than a year waiting for him to propose; do you have another year to wait?
  • Listener @LCTraveler: “Maybe he’s not calling you because he’s shy. You should definitely call him.”
  • Listener @amirammikhail: “All you need is love.” (“Respect, also. And honesty. All good things.”)
  • Listener @raiju: “You might just meet Mr. Right because he was looking at your boobs.”
  • Listener Darla on FAcebook: “If you are smart, boys will be afraid of you. But don’t pretend not to be smart so boys will like you. Just be yourself.” And what? Maybe some loser will come along and you can “settle” for him because he’s the one not intimidated by a strong woman?

 

Men

  • Buy a gift Many dating advice tips suggest that a man should buy a woman flowers on their first date. Old-fashioned and these days, counterproductive.
  • Maintain your distance on a second date. You might be really pleased to see them again but don’t tell them that or they’ll think you are desperate (apparently)
  • Listener @primesuspect: ““Just grab her and kiss her deeply and tell her you love her and you want it to work out and she’ll come around”.
  • Listener @zipsix: “My mom told me to be nice to girls. Took me three decades to unlearn that one.”
  • Listener Joe from Facebook: ““Just wait, She’ll come around…”…The fuck?”
  • Listener Jason from Facebook: “Always treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen.”

 

Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us the worst dating advice YOU’VE heard!

 

Segment #2

General

Play hard to get

Keep on truckin’ (this pertains to the advice to keep dating and dating and dating even if it’s not working…it’s okay to give yourself a break)

Listener @Ashique_71 “best and worst: be yourself”

  • Listener Marc from Facebook: “Stop looking and it’ll just happen”
  • Several Listeners from Facebook: “Lose weight or no one will like you.”
  • Listener James from Facebook: “You need to find someone to be complete.”

 

ERY and SJS?

 

SJS Worst

Don’t shave your legs and wear gross underwear if you don’t want to have sex right away.

 

ERY Worst

 

  • Wait 48 hours before calling/texting after a date
  • Don’t cook for him until you’re married – “No title, no chicken,” Tionna Tee Smalls, author of the gruesomely titled,“Men Love Abuse: The Guide to Losing the Nice Girl Image & Getting the Man You Want,” advised in an interview with S2S Magazine. “You don’t cook for a guy that you’re dating. You don’t know nothing about this guy to be sitting here and cooking for him. He needs to earn that. If he wants you to cook for him, he’ll make you his girl.” It’s like the old saying goes, why buy the cow when you can get the chicken cooked for free.

 

We want to hear from you! Call or text 508 444 2003 to tell us the worst dating advice YOU’VE heard!

 

Gift

…if you want GOOD advice for free, keep listening to this podcast and also visit www.relationspodcast.com/gift to grab “How to Get the Guy” or “How to Get the Girl.” It’s a five day course, packed full of great stuff for you to improve your dating life.

 

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

Segment #3

  • Listener Tips

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

 

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0022 – Attraction Part II of II

“In this episode…”

…we’re talking about attraction! What’s that feeling that you have when you have to have someone else, and how do you create that?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • if you can manufacture attraction
  • if you should be manufacturing emotional or physical attraction
  • tips on attraction

Describe the problem

Steps to a better definition:

Chemistry–the interaction of one personality with another, rapport, sympathetic understanding. Chemistry is universal…you can have “good” chemistry, “bad” chemistry or even “no” chemistry with lots of different kinds of people, platonically or romantically

Attraction–magnetic charm, fascination, allurement, enticement. Not universal. You can have good chemistry with your boss (you work well together, “get” each other), but not be attracted to him.

Can you manufacture attraction?

Nina Malkin | Chemistry.com

The New Rules of Attraction

When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that any single person would be a fool to not follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: If you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules single people follow need a little revamping.

Old rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds

New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates

“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner’s values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI.

Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience

New rule: Your first kiss is inconsequential

Old rule: When it’s true love, you think about this person constantly

New rule: When it’s true love, thinking about this person makes you feel good

 

Christian Carter | Eharmony.com

Emotional Attraction–The Key to a Deep Connection

ATTRACTION TIP #1: REFRAME YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

If you’ve ever thought when you meet a guy, “Oh, he’ll never go for me – I’m not his type,” or “I’m unlucky in love and will always mess up relationships”, then you’re the only one getting in your own way.

The way we see ourselves, the way we think about ourselves, and our “mindset” has a lot of power. It can either create great things and drive us forward towards success and happiness in our lives…

ATTRACTION TIP #2: ENJOY THE MOMENT WITH HIM

Here’s something you should know about men…

Men are naturally drawn to women who are really able to be fully present in the moment, and they are turned off by women who are thinking about the next date, or the next month, or the next 10 years.

ATTRACTION TIP #3: PREDICTABILITY IS THE ENEMY OF ATTRACTION

Part of the attraction a man feels for you at the beginning is that you are new to him, and he’s like a little kid discovering all the amazing things about you.

So keep him discovering!  Create tension and interest by not always doing or saying the “obvious” thing. This will keep him thinking and wondering about you and get him doing things to get more of your time and attention.

Segment #2

 

NOTE: googling “how to create attraction” pulls far more results on men trying to get a woman attracted to them rather than the other way around. Just thought that was interesting.

 

David DeAngelo | AskMen.com

 

Top 10: Ways to Spark Attraction

 

Number 10 Stop trying to impress her

 

Most guys think that they need to IMPRESS an attractive woman. They try to be on their best behavior and not make any mistakes or say something that will upset or offend her. Of course, this leads to nervous, self-conscious, “stilted” behavior AND it creates a tense, uncomfortable atmosphere that literally KILLS any attraction she may feel for you.

 

Number 9 Keep the power

Most guys give away their power when they’re with a woman. But do you think women are ATTRACTED to men who do this? No. The solution is to let her know that YOU are the one doing the “selecting,” NOT HER. Show that you’re picky about who you spend your time with and tease her about how she’s screwing up her chances with you. Communicate that she’s going to have to be on her best behavior to “qualify” for your time, and you’ll be surprised just how far she’ll go to get on your calendar.

 

Breed Familiarity…

 

Susan Walsh | Hooking Up Smart.com

 

How to Use Familiarity to Create Attraction

 

Known as the exposure effect, [familiarity] is “a psychological phenomenon by which people tend to develop a preference for things merely because they are familiar with them…In studies of interpersonal attraction, the more often a person is seen by someone, the more pleasing and likeable that person appears to be.”

 

…familiarity, [however], will not create sexual attraction in and of itself if the parties do not find one another physically attractive.

Still, familiarity produces the following:

  • identification of common ground
  • responsiveness, including encouragement, support, humor
  • mutual self-disclosure
  • feeling liked produces reciprocity of liking
  • downplays critical assessment, which interferes with social engagement
  • feelings of comfort and safety

 

(Sarah’s note: I often use/create familiarity even in my every day interactions…part of being “charming”…but never knew it was a “thing”)

 

SJS and ERY tips?

iTunes Review

If this show was good to you, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes. Simply go to relationspodcast.com/review and leave us a good review! Good reviews put this show in front of more people and allow us to create more awesome relationships through either following or ignoring the advice given on this show. If we’re making your relationships a better place, take 30 seconds and leave us a review!

Segment #3

  • Listener Tips

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of myself, Elijah R. Young, and everyone involved in bringing this show to your ears, we hope we’ve made your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Now go forth and relate to one another…we’ll talk soon.

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