How do you express your opinions, cares, worries, and closest feelings with your significant other in a way that they can receive it?
Teaser Bullets
by the end of this episode you’ll learn:
- What kind of mistakes do couples make when trying to communicate?
- What are some tips for better communication between couples?
Describe the problem
Listener Request:
No matter how hot and passionate the lovin’ is…at some point you’re going to have to actually speak to your partner with real words. How do you craft your messages so that the things that are important to you make it through, and that you can receive your partners important thoughts without offending the other and damaging the relationship. Can a relationship really be ‘frictionless’ with better communication, or are we all doomed to argue, fuss, and fight with our significant other, no matter what we do?
Segment #1
- What kind of mistakes do couples make when trying to communicate?
- YourTango.com | 3 Killer Communication Mistakes
- You stop telling the truth. Let’s be real: Sometimes telling the truth is hard. We avoid it because we’re afraid of the response we might get or we fear being judged. We might talk ourselves out of it and push it down, telling ourselves we don’t have the time or energy to deal with it. When you avoid confrontation by the “lie of omission,” your resentment will build making you unhappy and putting a distance between you. If something is important you need to tell your partner the truth; even if your voice shakes and you’re scared. More often than not the anticipation of his reaction will be worse than the experience itself. When you withhold a truth it’s like you have a “secret” you’re keeping that can’t help but create a sense of distance and separation between you.
- You stop being kind. This is a slippery slope that people fall into when they’re over the “honeymoon phase.” It’s rightfully said that “familiarity breeds contempt,” meaning we hurt the ones closest to us because they’re there! It’s easy to forget that your lover who you now know so well is very vulnerable and sensitive to your reactions. You might start relaxing a bit, sliding into being disrespectful and downright nasty. You think it shouldn’t be a problem because of course they know you love them. But if you’re being cruel, using words like “stupid” or “lazy,” you’ll make an imprint on that person’s heart that can’t be erased. If you belittle or berate each other you’ll develop a thick skin; it will not only protect you from hurtful words but it will keep out the love you’re longing for.
- Barbara J Peters | 7 common Relationship Communication Mistakes and How To Avoid Them
- Not listening to what the other person is saying
- Formulating a response too quickly, without getting sufficient information
- Using words that the other person does not understand
- Showing a mad or bored tone, pitch, and facial expression
- Displaying unfriendly body language (such as the arms folded over the chest)
- Choosing poor timing for a serious discussion
- Not checking whether the other person understands the message
- YourTango.com | 3 Killer Communication Mistakes
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Segment #2
- What are some tips for better communication between couples?
- Dr. Nedd | 14 Steps Towards Better Communication in a Relationship
- Timing – plan a special time to talk, especially if it’s about a thorny issue. Make an appointment with the person who lives in the same house and sleeps in the same bed. Keep the appointment.
- Attitude – bring a happy, cheerful spirit to the meeting and rid yourself of any complaining, grumpy, vengeful or condemnatory demeanor.
- Resolution – Resolve to do no harm. Ban words that hurt and use words that adorn and encourage. Accentuate the positive
- Goal – Write down a goal for the communication. What do you want as a result of the conversation? What do you want the outcome to be? Have some goals for yourself that will help guide the session, for example, I am going to lean forward and look her in the eyes; I am going to keep my cool and lower my voice if I feel a tinge of anger.
- No interruption – make a rule beforehand that neither of you will disturb the other while the other is talking.
- No new issue – don’t bring up any other issue that has no direct connection to what you are discussing. Explore only one issue at a time
- Listen more than you talk- Listen attentively, listen opportunistically, listen and ask for clarification, listen and hold back response, listen to the message behind the message.
- Dr. Nedd | 14 Steps Towards Better Communication in a Relationship
To get a weekly link to all of the bonus content, show notes, and interviews with relationship experts simply go to www.relationspodcaszt.com/subscribe and we’ll send you one email a week with links to everything so you can stay up to date, and we can continue to relate!
Final Thoughts:
- Elijah’s Thoughts
- Sarah’s Thoughts
In Closing
In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/ and:
Final Question:
How do you effectively communicate in your relationship?
Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.
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