0136 – These Arguments Could Save Your Relationship

Were going to talk about the hot topics in couples arguments. What types of things start an argument between couples? We’ll also discuss what we should really be arguing about. You can find all of our resources for this episode at relationspodcast.com/136

By the end of this episode:

Describe the problem

…[Problem, or Listener Email]

Segment #1

eHarmony Blog – Nine Things Men and Women Argue About Most

  1. Free Time – Who on earth argues about the precious gift that is free time? Couples! She wants him to spend more time just hanging with her, while he really needs his bonding time with the guys. The best advice in this scenario is to find someone equally independent, and willing to compromise. And as far as this photo is concerned – maybe this girlfriend should have let her boyfriend go jogging alone!
  2. Household Chores – “I’m a guy so I take out the garbage, and you do the laundry.” While some women are perfectly cool with this, others may love hauling out the trash (well…maybe that’s a stretch). The bottom line is not to assume that one gender will automatically take care of certain responsibilities. Talk it out together and figure out what is going to work best for both parties. The solution may just be a housekeeper!
  3. Jealousy – “I saw you looking at her!” “I don’t want you going to lunch with him.” This relationship killer is at the center of many, many squabbles. While many men and women have no reason to be jealous (and could be just controlling and insecure), there are boundary issues which every couple should clearly define together.
  4. Stress – Ever had an argument with your partner – only to forget how it even started? We are all multitasking to the max in this busy society, and many of us are stressed to our limits. Sometimes this seeps into our relationships, and we take it out on one another. Being self-aware of when you reach that point can help to cut down on any stress-induced bickering. Just breathe and think twice

Segment #2

Today.com (via Men’s Health) – 6 issues couples should argue about

  1. Raising the kids – As long as you don’t argue (or hurl produce) in front of the kids. Happily married couples tend to make the best parents, but happily divorced parents aren’t far behind, according to researchers at the NIH. While there’s a lot of choice in how you decide to punish, reward and set boundaries, the most important part is being each other’s support system and being jointly involved.  
  2. Your health – Except for ladder falls, errant nail-gun incidents and other accidents, the average man won’t see a doctor between his last high school physical and his first heart attack (on the plus side, that does save the need to argue about retirement).
  3. Working overtime – In a society where working a lot has as much value and esteem as an iAnything, it’s no surprise that many of us have trouble balancing between work and home. But you’ve got to let your partner know when you’re feeling neglected, before you’re both more bitter than a lemon peel.
  4. How you listen to each other – Ninety-three percent of couples who fight dirty will be divorced in 10 years, according to marital researchers at the University of Utah. So while arguing can be a healthy means of expressing your feelings, unreasonable yelling and nonconstructive criticism won’t get you anywhere. Except in court.


Final Thoughts:

#1 YourTango.com – In Favor Of Fighting: Why It’s OK To Argue

When couples say they never fight, they mean…

  • They are too afraid of what might happen because they don’t trust that they have an unshakeable bond. Instead, they think that one little (or big) argument could change everything or push him/her over the edge. If your partner is that close to the edge that one fight could knock him/her over, then it makes perfect sense that you’d be afraid to clash.
  • There is so little passion left that nothing feels worth arguing for. When there is a problem in a relationship, it’s usually because one person thinks the other person is putting something or someone above the relationship. When the relationship is no longer sacred — when one or both parties are okay with it not being number one — there’s nothing left worth fighting over.


In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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