0131 – Sarah’s Top Relationship Books You Should (and Shouldn’t) Read


We’re talking about some of the best–and worst–books on dating and relationships on the market today

By the end of this episode:

  • you’ll hear about our favorite–and not so favorite–books

Describe the problem

…You’re smart, and you want to be smarter. So you head to the self-help or human sexuality section of your local Barnes and Noble (or Amazon) and…well, where do you start? In today’s episode, we’ll give you the books that are must reads, the books that are the must-avoids, and the books that have valuable information tucked among some truly ridiculous drivel.

Segment #1

  1. BEST: The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman: this book is about the importance of being able to express love to your partner in a way that your partner can understand. Dr. Chapman calls this type of communicating using the five love languages, which are Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Quality Time.
  2. WORST: The Rules, by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider: Synopsis: The Rules is a way of dating that really works. Unlike other books and philosophies that preach “do whatever you want” and “anything goes,” The Rules offers a concrete set of do’s and don’ts so you can actually land the guy of your dreams.
    • The authors say: “We began to notice that the women who played hard to get, either deliberately or by accident, were the ones who got the guys, while the women who asked guys out or were too available were the ones who got dumped. We put two and two together, and wrote and wrote, and that’s how The Rules were born!”
  3. BEST: Because it Feels Good, by Debby Herbenick: “Herbenick is the kind of confidante every woman longs for—a sex advisor who is as approachable as a girlfriend and as knowledgeable as a sex education professor. At the core of her advice is the belief that sex should be fun, satisfying, and intimate—but first and foremost, it should simply feel good. From enlightening lessons on female anatomy to the complicated issue of libido to an overview of sex toys and positions, Because It Feels Good informs women about every aspect of sexual function, providing the knowledge they need to have the sex lives they deserve. This is a pleasure manifesto—and your handbook to a great sex life.”
  4. WORST: Anything ghost written for a “celebrity”

Segment #2

  1. BEST/WORST: Rules of the Game, by Neil Strauss: From a review–”This book is about much more than just meeting and having sex with beautiful women. (Although, that is the primary motivation for guys to learn this stuff.) Neil is teaching you to become a confident, socially adept person, not just a pickup machine.”
  2. BEST/WORST: Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind, by Matthew Hussey–In his book, Get the Guy, Matthew Hussey—relationship expert, matchmaker, and star of the reality show Ready for Love—reveals the secrets of the male mind and the fundamentals of dating and mating for a proven, revolutionary approach to help women to find lasting love. From landing a first date to establishing emotional intimacy, playful flirtation to red-hot bedroom tips, Matthew’s insightfulness, irreverence, and warmth makes Get the Guy a one-of-a-kind relationship guide and the handbook for every woman who wants to get the guy she’s been waiting for.
  3. BEST: Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life, by Samhita Mukhopadhyay: Synopsis–Romance and love are in a state of crisis: Statistically speaking, young women today are living romantic lives of all kinds—but they’re still feeling bogged down by social, cultural, economic, and familial pressures to love in a certain way. Young women in the modern world have greater flexibility than ever when it comes to who we choose to love and how we choose to love them; but while social circumstances may have changed since our parents’ generation, certain life expectations remain. In Outdated, the author addresses the difficulty of negotiating loving relationships within the borderlands of race, culture, class, and sexuality—and of holding true to our convictions and maintaining our independence while we do it.


Final Thoughts:

#1 BEST: Intimacy and Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship, by David Schnarch: “During his 30 years in practice as a marriage and family therapist, Dr. Schnarch has discovered that sexual desire problems are normal and even healthy, in committed relationships. Dr. Schnarch explains why couples in long term relationships have sexual desire problems, regardless of how much they love each other or how well they communicate. Through case studies of couples he worked with, Dr. Schnarch shows why normal marital conflict can be the cause of desire problems and creates a roadmap for how couples can transform marital conflict into a stronger relationship and a font of new and powerful desire for each other.”

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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