0127 – How Do You Get Out of a Relationship ‘Rut’


We’re talking about how to break out of a relationship rut

By the end of this episode:

  • the first thing you should do if you’re in a rut
  • the two contradictory pieces of advice that could save your relationship
  • the #1 tip for what to do if you’re in a rut

Describe the problem

…Things were great in the beginning. You both tried really hard to impress your partner, or spent hours just talking or holding each other. Now, for whatever reason–kids, jobs, LIFE–your relationship is WAY less exciting. In fact, it seems rote and boring and routine. You’re in a rut…and you’re not sure it’s possible to get out. But experts say it’s definitely possible to break out of a relationship rut. Find out how in Episode 127: How to Break out of a Relationship Rut

Segment #1

  1. Admit you’re in a rut–just like any twelve step program, you gotta admit you have a problem. Are you guys really just “comfortable” or are you bored and worn out with each other? You gotta figure that out first before you can fix your issue.
  2. Resist the temptation to back further away from each other–it can seem a little hopeless or “not worth it” when you’re in a rut, but moving further away won’t fix the problem.
  3. On the other hand…give each other space–If you’re in the type of rut where every Friday you order exactly the same pizza and watch exactly the same tv show until exactly 11 am before spending the weekend together doing exactly the same thing…well, absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder
  4. Date each other again–remember in the beginning where dating was new and fun and it was an adventure just to try a new restaurant together. Do that. All the time.

Segment #2

  1. Focus on what’s right in your relationship–c’mon…it can’t be all bad. What are you grateful for in your relationship? Maybe he always does the dishes when you cook without being asked, or maybe she is really good at reaching out to your family and making sure everyone gets together regularly. Remember, with gratitude, the things you love about each other.
  2. Give a genuine compliment…both to your partner and yourself–when was the last time you really told your partner how much you love when his eyes squinch up when he smiles? Or told her how much you love her contagious laugh? Or hey, when was the last time you thought, “Damn, I’m really good at this thing with my boyfriend/girlfriend.” Spread a little love around.
  3. Get help–Counseling during a rut can help to break patterns or cycles of negative behavior that contribute to ruts. A third party who is invested in the health of your relationship can be a valuable asset in establishing a new normal.


Final Thoughts:

#1 Grant your partner–and yourself–a little grace: Realize that all relationships have ebbs and flows, ups and downs. If you’re currently in an “ebb”…that’s okay. Just look at it as an opportunity for a re-boot that could take you into “relationship 2.0”

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.

Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including (and especially) the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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