0057 – How to Have a ‘Friend With Benefits’

 

How do you create, manage, and eventually dissolve a ‘Friends With Benefits’ situation?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

• What is ‘Friends With Benefits’
• Why people become FWB
• How to ask someone to be a FWB
• Unofficial ‘Rules’ for FWB situations

Describe the problem

As the nation argues over healthcare benefits day after day, some people are extremely happy with the benefits package they’ve been presented with. Getting a great friend in the sames skin as a great lover without the requirements of a relationship is like the fountain of youth for some, and like Sophie’s Choice to others. Why would anyone agree to join a Friends With Benefits situation? Or maybe you’re asking, “Why would anyone turn one down?”

Segment #1

• What is ‘Friends With Benefits’
  • The Allegiant | The 7 Rules to Being Friends with Benefits
    • You are going to ask this man or woman bedfriend of yours if they would like to go on a date (outside of the bedroom). If they say yes, you may be on to something. If you feel like you can’t do that or they say no, you are officially in a Friends with Benefits situation, also known as FWB…The point is: there is no moving on from here. Friends with benefits are friends with benefits and nothing more no matter what mainstream media wants to tell you. You’re officially friendzoned into bonezone. Deal.
• Why people become FWB
  • JDate | Friends With Benefits: Is It Really Beneficial?
    • When you have a friend with benefits, you have someone whom you can call anytime of day; not just for a hookup, but also for companionship. You may go out with them to a movie or dinner, but you know at the end of the day, there are no pressures or expectations, and you can both go on with your lives. On one hand, it fills a void between relationships and adds that extra element of fun to an otherwise busy and stressful life, but I believe both people have to set clear expectations from the beginning, and stick to those boundaries.  For some it works; for others, it’s easier said than done.
  • The Rules Revisited | Men and “Friends With Benefits”
    • Any man who is mildly observant of the opposite sex will have a hunch in the back of his mind that this kind of relationship is bound to explode eventually. But he isn’t going to turn down all of the commitment-free sex he’ll get in the meantime just because of some “feeling.” Men don’t trust feelings the way women do. Men are hyper-rational, literal creatures. If it is called “no-strings-attached” relationship, that’s exactly how he treats it, no matter how much cuddling and hanging out is involved.

Segment #2

• How to ask someone to be a FWB
  • Buster and Nellie |
    • Do some reconnaissance work to figure out a friend’s general feelings on sexual friendships sans romance. You don’t have to randomly blurt out, “Hey, would you ever screw, say, me?” But if you find yourself talking about, say, current events, you could say something like, “Ugh, if I have to read one more article about college ‘hook-up culture’ I’m going to walk into traffic. Is it really that big a deal for people to have one-night stands, or friends with benefits?”
    • Do some reconnaissance work to figure out a friend’s general feelings on sexual friendships sans romance […] In the course of regular conversation, [you should discover] how your friend theoretically feels about a friends with benefits scenario. Now you have to add yourself to the equation.
    • The best way to make a conversation awkward is to start it by saying, “I know this is awkward, but …” Instead, clearly phrase what you want: “I wanted to ask your opinion on something. I’m not ready to be someone’s boyfriend, but I do like [sex/making out/kink/insert sexual activity here]. But I’d feel more comfortable being with a friend then with someone I met at a party or online. Would you ever want to hook-up? Yes, like that stupid f*$king Justin Timberlake movie. Only not stupid. What do you think?” And, if they feel comfortable communicating with you, they’ll tell you what they think. Or jump you.
• Unofficial ‘Rules’ for FWB situations
  • Thought Catalog | 10 Rules For Friends With Benefits
    • Pick someone you wouldn’t normally date. Okay, step one. This is important. This will ensure that you don’t accidently fall in love with him, or at least postpone it for as long as possible. May I make a suggestion? Find a bro. The more Axe body spray, the better. You probably won’t be able to talk to him about politics, but who needs Obama when you’ve got your own big O to… well, you get the idea.
  • LehMiller.com | How Do You Navigate A Friends With Benefits Relationship?
    • …you might consider is setting an “expiration date” for the “benefits.” I know this sounds incredibly unromantic—but, then again, these relationships usually aren’t intended to be romantic. By setting a time limit of a few weeks or a few months on the sexual aspect of your relationship, you can reduce the odds that unreciprocated feelings will develop before the sex ends. Of course, shutting down an opportunity for perfectly good sex may be difficult when the expiration date finally arrives. Indeed, it may require quite a bit of self-control to make a clean break, especially if you plan to transition back to “just friends.” However, you both have to be committed to the temporary nature of the relationship and be ready to move on.

 

Final Thoughts:

• Elijah’s Thoughts
• Sarah’s Thoughts

 

In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

 

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

 

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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