0055 – How to Make New Friends as an Adult


How do you make new friends as an adult?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • When adults need to make new friends
  • Issues with making friends as an adult
  • Tips for creating new strong friendships as an adult

Describe the problem

Maybe you just moved into a new town, maybe you just broke up with your partner, who you spent every second with for the past 5 years. Either way, you need some new friends…except…you’re not 6 years old anymore. How in the hell are you supposed to walk up to a grownup and become their close friend when they probably already have all the close friends that they need?

Segment #1

  • When adults need to make new friends
    • Dumb Little Man | 5 Tips to Make Friends as an Adult (by Acting Like a 5 Year Old)
      • Go to Interest Groups, Not Bars – Some kids are really active going to gymnastics, band, theater and more. Ideally, these are activities the kids enjoy. And there lies the magic. You have a group of kids, all doing something they love, together. That’s where the bonding comes. There’s seldom any shared activity or interest in a bar. The common thread in bars, if there is any, is people go there to socialize. So, the greatest “socializers” win. If you aren’t that comfortable socializing, you strike out. Instead, why not go somewhere you know the people will share your interests? For example, if you’re interested in writing, it’s a good bet members in a writer’s group will be too. So you have an instant connection with them and a built in topic to start conversations.  
  • Why is it hard to make friends as an adult
    • ThoughtCatalog | So, You’re An Adult. How Do You Make Friends Now?
      • There seems to be an undercurrent of competition in so many adult relationships, a feeling that people have very much settled into their opinions and judgments about what is and is not acceptable in life and are always ready to apply it to those around them. At the end of the day, no matter how good a work friend becomes, it is very likely that the both of you will still be in direct competition — for a promotion, for social status, for a nebulous kind of “success” that all adults are after. The genuine, unabashed support that is easy to give when we’re in school becomes a liability as soon as you are a grown-up. Everyone around you is expected to be navigating life in a neat, organized, efficient little stream, and no one wants to be the one who cannot keep up.
    • The Gazette | Making friends as an adult can be a challenge
      • “It is harder as you are no longer in a situation where everyone is looking to connect with someone,” says Sarah Blake, therapist with Blake Psychotherapy & Associates in Maryland. “You are in an adult world, where people have different lives and different levels of need. Some adults are perfectly set with their immediate family at home. Some have wonderful neighbors and friends from high school and college, and do not have the time or the need for anyone else.”


Segment #2

    • Tips for creating new strong friendships as an adult
      • William Paid | Moving to a New City? Five Tips on How to Make Friends in a New Place
        • Explore what your neighborhood has to offer –Make it a point to introduce yourself to your neighbors. You never know when you might need their help; plus they’ll have advice on what’s worth checking out nearby. If geographically possible, stick to shopping and activities in the same general area. This way, you have more of a chance of meeting a consistent group of locals. Go for a jog, walk your dog, become a regular at the coffee shop or join the local church/synagogue/etc. The more often that you go somewhere, the more often that you will start recognizing people and vice versa.  



        • Take One Hour Per Week To Reach Out To People – This instant change is about taking one hour, weekly, to touch base with new and existing friends. You take one hour, and do nothing but contact people, by phone, text, an online social network, or other. This is important because your friendships weaken if you don’t nurture them from time to time. It’s also important because you have to follow up with the new people you meet; otherwise those friendships will never be created.


  • The challenge here is that we get distracted in our busy lives and forget to contact people; then we regret it afterwards, when we do have time to socialize, but there is no one we can call, as we’ve been ignoring everyone for so long.


    • Life Daily | How To Make Friends When You Move To A New City
      • Extend your ideas of who your friends should be – They might not need to be exactly like you in age our outlook. Your older neighbors or colleagues could have had a really interesting life, and could share their stories and experiences if given the chance.
    • Mind Body Green | How To Make New Friends (‘Cause You Only See Your Old Ones At Weddings!)
      • Treat it like dating – After you hit on your new friend, you have to plan coffee that week, or you’ll lose momentum. The following week, I suggest doing an activity together like check-out the latest exhibit at the art museum or go for a walk through an unexplored neighborhood. Ask questions, try to be interesting and after your “date” be clear that you like them. There’s nothing better than hearing that another woman thinks you’re cool.

Final Thoughts:

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


Show Close

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:

Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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