0104 – Comp Sexual

By the end of this episode:

  • how to determine sexual compatibility
  • what to do if you’re in a relationship and you don’t feel compatible
  • the #1 tip for sexual compatibility in a relationship


Describe the problem

Sex is the best…unless you’re doing it with someone who doesn’t. quite. get it. It’s entirely possible that you both are fantastic lovers…to other people you’re more compatible with. So how do you figure out early on if this is a sex-match made in heaven? And what do you do if you’ve tried EVERYTHING and your current partner still hasn’t mastered how to bring your pleasure? Find out in episode 104, Sexual Compatibility.

Segment #1


How to find sexual compatibility

  1. 8. It’s okay to go by the “first pancake” rule–you really connected on your first date, had an extremely hot make out on the 2nd, and on the 3rd…well, what happened there?? It’s entirely possible you’ve just made a horrible mistake ORRRRR, you’re just two humans who are trying to figure each other out and didn’t quite get there the first time. That’s why it’s okay to go back for seconds and thirds…
  2. 7.  Discuss your turn ons and turn offs and preferences–yep! You gotta talk about this ish early and often. What gets you going? What doesn’t? Figuring out if you both are incredibly turned on by the smell of fresh laundry early on can lead to greater harmony down the road. Figuring out six months in that one of you hates lights on and one of you loves it…that can be a tougher hurdle.
  3. 6. Practice the art of non-sexual touch–do you like to touch each other when it’s not sexy time? Hopefully that answer is a resounding “yes!” Otherwise, maybe you should just be each other’s booty calls.
  4. 5. Know Thyself–you might be a hidden kinkster and not know it, or maybe you haven’t figured out yet that you are seriously aroused by the thought of ravaging your partner over a pile of fresh laundry. The best way to figure out sexual compatibility is to know yourself first…if you know what you like, it’ll be easier to seek out and spot (or train!) those who can give it to you.


[message break]


Segment #2


What to do if you’re struggling with this area of compatibility in your relationship


  1. 4. Determine if it’s medical–things can change sexually in a relationship for lots of reasons, but medical reasons can have a profound impact on sexual relationships. If you or your partner has a sudden change in desire, check with your doctor.
  2. 3. Talk it out–this tip should seem obvious, but there is often shame or embarrassment surrounding sex, which can make it hard to communicate about it openly. If you have a loving relationship with your partner, however, resolve that you want to solve this issue together, and that a “no judgment zone” is enacted when it’s time to talk about sex.
  3. 2. Figure out if you’re just in a rut–Ruts can be fixed with a little creativity and openness to trying something new. Maybe you don’t want to go full on threesome…try watching something sexy together instead. Or hey…just get out of the bedroom and try doing it someplace new and sneaky. Creating new experiences together is often all you need to jumpstart the sexytimes.

[message break]


Final Thoughts:

#1. Be honest about what you really want…and be willing to walk if you can’t receive it with your current partner.


  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


Show recap

Listener Mail


Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] we have a private SafeSpace on facebook where we talk about all sorts of social, professional, and romantic relationship topics, and after every show you can go there and share you story, get some advice from great people or just hang out. Both Sarah and I are there every day and you can be there too, just go to www.relationspodcast.com/join and click the “Join Now’ button.


Until we meet again, keep striving to make every relationship you have the best it can possibly be, including the one with yourself. We’ll talk soon.

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