0091 – Love Language Week: Is the Receiving Gifts Love Language Materialistic?


How to know if you or your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, and how to show or receive love this way.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • …what receiving gifts doesn’t mean
  • how to know if receiving gifts is your partner’s love language
  • easy steps to take to if your partner best understands love through receiving gifts

Describe the problem

Segment #1

Quick review of love languages

How to know if this love language is yours or your partner’s:


    • 8. Definition: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. (http://verilymag.com/dr-gary-chapman-explains-the-5-love-languages/)

How to know…

    • 7. What does your partner complain about most often? E.g. “Don’t you think of me when you’re away?” or “I can’t believe you forgot our anniversary.”
    • 6. How does your partner typically show love to others? E.g. He or she is always bringing a little something to gatherings, might keep small trinkets and gifts from others for years and years (and they truly have sentimental value), or make a very big deal out of someone’s birthday, anniversary or achievement and accompany this occasion with “something to remember it by.”
    • 5. What does your partner request most often? E.g. “I’d love if you brought me something back from your trip.”

Segment #2

How to show…

    • 4. Think small and be creative: remember, this language isn’t about materialism, it’s about tokens or even something tangible that says, “I was thinking of you in this moment.”
    • 3. If this language is completely foreign to you, trying keeping a “gift idea” notebook or doc. Every time you hear your spouse say, “I really like that,” write it down. Select gifts you feel comfortable purchasing, making or finding, and don’t wait for a special occasion. Becoming a proficient gift giver is an easy language to learn. (http://personalitycafe.com/articles/112444-five-love-languages-explained.html)
    • 2. When in doubt, use your best asset: yourself. Sitting quietly with your partner while he or she is sick, or even being there for him or her during a tough time can be a gift. (this is a little different than quality time, because it’s not about undivided attention in a friendly atmosphere…it’s really just about “showing up” when needed)


Final Thoughts:

Number One Tip: Big or small…it is the thought that counts.

Gift cards or hastily purchased flowers at the gas station won’t cut it here, usually. Your partner is looking for actual symbols of your love and attention.


  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/91, and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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