0090 – Love Language Week: What’s the Big Deal With Quality Time?


How to know if you or your partner’s love language is quality time, and how to show or receive love this way.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • …what quality time isn’t
  • how to know if quality time is your partner’s love language
  • easy steps to take to give your partner quality time

Describe the problem

…Quality time is all about undivided attention. But in today’s fast-paced world, it’s the norm to multi-task…even dinner has evolved into “dinner 2.0.” But for the person who speaks the love language of quality time, he or she needs you to be absolutely present with him or her in the moment. So how do you know if this is how your partner feels love? And how can you show it better? Find out in Episode 90–Love Languages: quality time.

Segment #1

Quick review of love languages

How to know if this love language is yours or your partner’s:


    • 8. Definition: This language is all about giving/receiving undivided attention. It could be a conversation, or an activity that just the two of you do together. It could even just be sitting at home, watching a movie together or completing a project together. Whatever the activity or mode, this language is all about it being just the two of you, with no distractions, sharing something–thoughts, feelings, or simply time–in a friendly, uninterrupted context.

How to know…

    • 7. How does your partner express himself when he complains? Ex. “I feel like you never spend time with me,” or “We never go out just the two of us anymore.”
    • 6. What’s your partner’s “default” in expressing love? (e.g. Your partner speaks of his or her friends in terms of, “We did this great thing together,” or “We had the best conversation.”)
    • 5. What does your partner request most often from you?


Segment #2

How to show…

    • 4. No mutli-tasking…be present, not doing anything else but enjoying time with your partner.
    • 3. If you’re having a conversation, maintain eye contact, pay attention and engage
    • 2. Listen closely for feelings and don’t interrupt. Try to discern what your partner is feeling during your conversation or activity and then acknowledge those feelings. It can be as simple as, “That must have made you happy,” or “I bet that was hard for you to understand in the moment.”


Final Thoughts:


Number One Tip: Set aside at least one time a week where it’s just the two of you intentionally spending time together without sex, being rushed, taking care of the kids, etc.


  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts
    • It’s okay if you have to “practice.”


Show Close

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/90, and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!


Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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