0083 – 4 Simple and Calming Ways to Address Relationship Doubts


What do you do if you have doubts about your partner or relationship.

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • why you might have doubts
  • if your doubts are legitimate or not
  • what to do if you have doubts that persist

Describe the problem

Things with your partner are great…except they’re not. You can’t shake the nagging feeling that this isn’t “it” or that maybe you want to move on, or that maybe you made a mistake. How do you figure out if you’re just having a “moment” or if there are real issues to address? We’ll discuss this question and more in this episode.


Segment #1

Why you might have doubts…

    • 8. You’re skeptical by nature–You’re pretty sure the moon landing was staged, you can’t believe she actually got THAT bag for THAT price, and you’re pretty sure that cat videos are a mild form of Big Brother mind control. Well, relax. Stop questioning so much and learn to enjoy your life a little.
    • 7. You’re recovering from another relationship/heartache/breakup–You’re still a little raw from the last time around and you’re sure–SURE–that she’ll leave in the middle of the night, too, or that he really can’t possibly like you that much.
    • 6. “It’s just not there”–This is a trap I think 30 somethings fall into a little more often than younger people, but sometimes you have doubts because you ended up dating someone you didn’t actually have strong feelings for in the beginning. He or she was great on paper, but now it’s four months in and there’s still no zing. But instead of saying, “It’s just not there,” you’re having doubts or questioning yourself. Sometimes, though, perfectly wonderful people are perfectly wonderful people…it doesn’t mean you have to date them,
    • 5. You ignored red flags in the beginning–he was rude to the waiter the first time you went out, or she was already displaying signs of massive insecurity two dates in, but you ignored it because he was cute or she made you laugh. And now those things are catching up and you’re wondering if its enough to make the relationship survive.


Segment #2

What to do…

    • 4. Ask the right questions–is this person helping you become a better individual? Are your doubts truly YOUR doubts, or are you buying into a standard that doesn’t really ring true for you? Are you being shallow? Are you just dating because the alternative of being alone is scary?
    • 3. Be honest–Depending on how you answered those questions, be honest with yourself. Brutally so, if necessary. Remember that no one wants to be the person who someone sticks with because being single seems awful or scary. Allow the other person the dignity of healing and moving on if you have doubts you can’t over come…and who knows, he or she might feel the same way.
    • 2. Address issues that can be changed–are your doubts triggered by things that are really all that insurmountable? Maybe you’re simply making assumptions about a behavior that only needs a simple talk and a simple tweak.


Final Thoughts:


Number One Tip: Remember, Your Partner can’t be all things to you

We are raised in a culture that shows us lots of images and stories about people “completing” each other, but let’s be honest, that’s not only completely unrealistic, it also can create a whole lot of discord for the individual and couple who tries to make their relationship the thing that meets every single one of his or her needs.


  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

If you have a question, comment, or funny story about [INSERT SHOW TOPIC] you can send us an email at elijah@relationspodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at “Haverelations”, find us on facebook at facebook.com/haverelations. I’m @elijahryoung on Twitter, my amazing co-host (and author of “How to be Dumped: The definitive Breakup Guide” is @sarahJStorer on Twitter and this show’s notes and soon, it’s transcription, will be at our home base, relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber], and don’t forget to subscribe to the Get the Gal, or Get the Guy mini course in the sidebar!

Now go forth and continue to relate better to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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