0059 – How do You Get Rid of Emotional Baggage?


How do you deal with relationship baggage?

Teaser Bullets

by the end of this episode you’ll learn:

  • What is relationship baggage
  • Signs you’re carrying emotional baggage
  • How to get rid of emotional baggage

Describe the problem

…It’s a rare thing that we enter a relationship unscathed from the one before. Whether there are old hurts, scars, events, or even “hangers on,” we all come into relationships with a certain amount of “baggage.” But how much baggage is “too much?” And should our baggage really matter anyway if we all have it?

Segment #1

  • What is relationship baggage

    • The Red Head Writer | Past Baggage – Emotional And Physical Debris
      • Emotional baggage is a common term used to describe unresolved emotional issues. The term “emotional baggage” brings to mind a visual of a load that is heavy laden with trauma, disappointments, sadness, pain, heartbreak and all the things done wrong to and by you.
    • Independent.com | Recognizing Emotional Baggage
      • Have you ever noticed the way we humans seem compelled to replay the past over and over again in our minds? Even the painful bits. You’d think going through something distressful one time would be enough, and that we’d want to move on and leave the bad stuff behind. But too often we’re subject to a phenomenon called “transference,” when the unconscious casts the new people we meet in the roles of past friends, enemies, parents, partners, bosses, co-workers, and even strangers. It’s like we create our lives by remaking the same old movie again and again with new actors in the same familiar roles.
  • Signs you’re carrying emotional baggage
    • YourTango | 5 Signs You’re Carrying Emotional Baggage
      • You’re paranoid. We don’t blame you for being a bit suspicious about infidelity, especially if you’ve been burned in the past. But in order for a relationship to work, you have to trust each other. If you don’t fully trust him—or even if you do, and are just being cautious—your paranoia can manifest itself in some extremely unattractive ways: clinginess, neediness, breaches in privacy… (No, we don’t condone e-snooping of any kind.) No man (or woman, for that matter) wants to feel as if he’s under constant surveillance, especially if he did absolutely nothing to betray your trust. So keep your suspicions in check, unless he’s done something that’s actually worth worrying about.
    • PsychCentral.com | Identifying Your Emotional Baggage
      • It feels as if the person you’re reacting to is behaving like someone from your past. If you think this idiot is acting just like my father,  that’s a pretty good sign that your emotional baggage is involved.

Segment #2

  • How to get rid of emotional baggage
    • Life 2.0.com | Get Rid of That Emotional Baggage
      • Accept that you have baggage – [You must] accept the fact that you do have baggage that might be holding you back from being in a great new relationship. Whatever the problem is, you have to realize that it’s there and you are going to have to deal with it in order to get past it.  Talk to a best friend about it and make a plan about how you plan to move on from it.
    • DecodingHim.com | How To Deal With Past Emotional Baggage
      • Identify your triggers. One of the hallmarks of past emotional baggage is that it is riddled with triggers. A trigger is something that reminds you of the past, thereby bringing up the old feelings, memories, and reactions. If your prior partner cheated on you, a trigger might be his talking to another woman at a party or walking away from you to talk on his cell. These triggers would cause you to feel distrustful and suspicious.
    • BeautyDivaEmpowers.com | Unpack the emotional baggage
      • Develop healthy friendships and relationships. Who you associate with is very important. You need to be surrounded by people who support, uplift, encourage and correct you when needed. Unhealthy relationships can inhibit your growth. You can become stagnant and unmotivated, being surrounded by the wrong people. They have their own baggage that they are carrying around. Don’t allow them to speak negativity into your life. You can wish them the best and keep it moving. You can’t change who they are. The only thing you can do is continue to be the best person you can be.
    • LeaderChat.org | 6 Ways to Get Rid of Emotional Baggage BEFORE a Challenging Conversation
      • Journaling – When you can take the time to write down your thoughts on paper, sometimes they become clearer. Even a little bit of this can be useful. The difference between journaling and fast writing is that the journal is intended for future review. You may find it useful to reflect later on what you were thinking before the conversation and how things changed afterwards.
      • Your journal entry doesn’t have to be shared with anyone. This can be especially helpful for more introverted people who really aren’t comfortable letting others in on their personal thoughts and feelings.


Final Thoughts:

  • Elijah’s Thoughts
  • Sarah’s Thoughts


In Closing

In closing, on behalf of my fantastic co-host, Sarah J. Storer, author of “How to be Dumped: The Definitive Breakup Guide” I want to thank you for spending time with us today, now let’s continue the conversation at relationspodcast.com/[ShowNumber] and:


Final Question:

[Create a question based on the total show, or a quirky incident that happened during recording]?

Tell us about it in the comment section and let’s see if we can’t continue to relate to one another. We’ll talk soon.

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